- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
So this is could be a very long vent (aren’t they all?) about my mother and her apathy towards my engagement, I’ll try to condense as best as I can. Basically, my mother really dislikes my Fiance and has voiced this opinion to me and other family members throughout our relationship. She continually brings up, in not so subtle ways, that Fiance is not as smart as me (I’m in med school, he has a business degree, now getting his MBA and works full-time, very successful might I add) or attractive enough. She insults his domestic skills, since he loves to cook, clean and dote on me. When we initially were engaged, she asked me if I was marrying him for financial stability since I have a large amount of student debt and my parents are unable to assist financially.
What’s amazing is you think she would be somewhat content knowing I was marrying an ideal, well-balanced guy: hard worker, financially successful, treats me like gold/supportive, helps out with cooking/cleaning etc etc but she finds this unappealing. My mother married my father, whom I love but is verbally abusive, controlling, selfish, bad with money and unwilling to perform household chores. I mean, who does she want me to marry, a machismo “man’s man” who is a jerk? She also is extremely jealous of his family, since I have a good relationship with them and visit often, she also claims that I am impressed by his parents since they are “monied” and materialistic.
She has shown no interest in wedding planning or other mother-daughter activities, she barely asked what my ering looked like. When I initially told her about the proposal, she asked if I had changed my facebook status, since she was worried about explaining “the situation” to family/friends. Furthermore, before the engagement when my parents visited they never included him and said they would see him more often if it was “necessary” (if we got engaged, or moved in together for example). My parents told me they were coming to visit a few weekends ago, the first time since the engagement, but suddenly the plans were changed. I seriously think my mother wants to remain in denial and pretend that nothing has changed.
This is really hard on me since my mother and I are extremely close, best friends even, and she makes me feel like I am abandoning her and “settling”. She has always been my biggest fan/supporter and never spoke a harsh word or criticized my choices. When I ask for advice about money or school now, she says something to the effect of “well, you’re getting married now and need to talk to Fiance about X, Y, or Z” which to an extent I understand … but when did getting engaged mean you couldn’t get parental input anymore. It’s strange since my mother always encouraged me to be independent and yet she’s acting like my Fiance owns me and I am no longer entitled to my own opinions.
My Fiance is aware of the situation and has been extremely supportive, although I feel it is incredibly unfair to him. I had a huge blow out argument with my mom a few weeks ago and since then she says she’ll have come to terms with the situation, and “accept” it but basically all I do is tiptoe around her and don’t dare bring up any engagement/marriage topics. This is tearing me apart, I don’t know what to do. I’m going home at the end of the month for my bday/easter and I’m dreading it, I feel she’ll try to have a heart-to-heart and change my mind, yet again.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, could really use some advice. 🙁