Post # 16
cets: As some PP mentioned, it might be better that she doesn’t come. My mom came after some prodding and rearranging of everyone else’s schedules so that she could come. She was rude and it was embarassing. I ended up going back alone and trying on dresses and making the decision myself.
I know that it hurts that your mom doesn’t want to be involved. My mom has been invovled in my life, but she doesn’t like that we lived together before we got married, so she was very distant and critical. I tried to involve her, but at a certain point I stopped trying to get her to help and surrounded myself with other women/friends who were genuinely excited about my wedding. It still makes me sad that she didn’t want to be a part of my wedding in a more involved manner. But you can only control your own behavior, invite her to participate, but don’t hold any expectations that she will participate.
Sorry you are hurting.
Post # 17
My mom did not really want to go dress shopping with me. Shopping just isnt her thing and she isnt really a sentimental person. I wanted to include her so I set up to go to a dress place on a day I knew she was going to be in town. At first she said to go without her but my dad said she will go lol. So he brought her. She just sat there did not give too much imput. She was not excited but it didnt seem like she was hating it either. She was neutral. When I found the dress I want she just said “its ok” and thats pretty much it. Even during the wedding I have no idea how she felt about the dress. But its OK, I loved it, my friends loved it and I felt like a princess… I did not take it to heart and let it go after a little bit since thats just how she is…
Post # 18
steny03: She’s not required to acknowledge feelings, especially ones she (probably) doesn’t feel are valid. Not all mothers are ‘motherly’, just because you pushed a baby out of your vagina doesn’t make you a wedding planning fairy. Not everyone or every mother is excited about dress shopping.
I think my advice is very valid. I’d rather the OP didn’t set herself up for failure and disappointment for the next year. If this is how her mother is acting, she will be much better off to realize it now and not hold the resentment for the next 14 months.
Post # 19
scissorgirl: Coming to terms with the fact family will be disappointing does not make it hurt less. It just doesn’t surprise you anymore.
I think the OP might do well to do what my oldest half brother expects from our dad (whose wages the Amry had to garnish ebcause he was a deadbeat dad to my brothers from wife #1). He said, “I will take what he’s willing to give, and enver look for more, because that just leads to disapointmnet and hurt.”
Post # 20
I’m so sorry. I went through a similar experience with my mom. Although she did attend a dress shopping appointment with me (I flew from WA to CA to have this experience with her), she wasn’t there mentally or emotionally. Like a PP, she’s going through a long and painful divorce with my dad, and I don’t think her heart was in it. I cancelled the other appointments I had made for the trip, went to BHLDN by myself when I got back to Seattle, and found the perfect dress.
It wasn’t the stereotypical wedding experience, but I’m a very self-conscious person, and I think overall it worked out well for me. At the time, though, I was devastated by my mom’s lack of interest.
I hope things get better for you!
Post # 21
Weddings have a lot of emotional expectactions that can be hard to face. my Dad hasn’t communicated with me in any way in thirty years. So going to weddings has always made me a tiny bit blue, when the dads walk their daughters down the aisle, or the father daughter dance, I am never going to have that or the relationship it represents. My wedding is coming up in the fall, and I worry a bit how weird and obvious my lack of family relationships is going to appear. Thankfully I have two fabulous aunts in their 60’s who are going to be my flower girls.
You are absolutely allowed to be sad that your Mother couldn’t be there for you in a supportive way, but if she couldn’t understand why it was important for her to be there for you, than you be positive that she won’t understand why you are upset about it. The only person hurting is you. And that totally sucks. I am sorry that your mother did not want to be there, it is her loss, maybe someday she will understand that. Focus on the people who actually care about you. (I am totally trying to take this advice myself, I get a little weird -mopey around the parental holidays).