(Closed) Mom died; Dad remarried…Grandmother question?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My dad died when I was four and have never really gotten over it. My sister has two kids and my mom’s new deadbeat loser boyfriend always calls himself ‘grandpa’ to her kids. It drives us insane. There was a fight on thanksgiving because my sister made place cards and everyone had their family names (grandma, aunt Birdee, mom, dad) but his just said John. He got pissed. I ended up telling him to leave which created problems because my mom is super dumb and takes his side on everything. Yeah, it sucks.

Sorry about your mama, thoughts and prayers are with you. Don’t ever forget that she is with you at all times and will be with your baby always.

Post # 4
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

Bare with me here this may get complicated… My dad passed away in 1994, my step-dads wife passed away in 1999. 

 My step dad and my mum married in 2006.  My step-sister has since had two kids.  My mum is Nana, and my step-sisters mother who passed away is Heaven Nana.  

Her kids are 6 and 4 and they talk about Nana and Heaven Nana and understand Heaven Nana passed away before they were born and know about her etc…  So thats basically the way she has handled it and her kids seem to like the idea of having an every day nana and a heaven nana.

Post # 6
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My maternal grandfather died before I was born. My grandmother remarried and her husband was MY grandpa. My mom told me all the stories about her father and so while I never knew him personally, I still kind of knew him. But I also got a real live grandpa with a lap to sit in and who bought me lemonaide and let me ride his bikes, etc. It’s a blessing that your child will have her as a grandma.

Post # 9
Member
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@loveknows: 

In your family, what name would your Mom be called? Grandma? Nana?

Reserve that one for your Mom and think of another name for your Dad’s wife.

In our family, because of divorce and remarriage, we have Grandma, Granny, Nana and Oma.

 

Post # 10
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

First I am so sorry to hear about your mom : (  I know how bad that hurts.

On to your question (having wrangled with it myself}:

Lots of kids nowadays have multiple grandma’s whether due to divorce/ remarriage or just people living longer. My cousins little boy has:

  • his mom’s mom Grandma Lou
  • his dad’s mom Grandma Gene
  • Grandma Lou’s mom Grandma Ileene
  • Grandpa Joe’s mom Grandma Sara
  • Grandma Gene’s mom Grandma Molly
  • Grandpa Cole’s mom Grandma Sadie
  • Lou and Joee divorced and Joe remarried so there is Grandma Joyce

He calls them all Grandma _______.

I lost my dad but my  mom remarried. Her husband is Papa to my girls. They understand that he is not MY dad but he loves them anyway. They know all about my dad though and can’t wait to meet him in heaven.

Post # 13
Member
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

my story: my father’s mother died when i was two. my grandfather remarried not long after her death. my father never ever allowed my brother or i to call this woman “gramma” (there’s a lot of issues with that marriage anyway, and it has since ended, but she was my grandfather’s wife for almost 15 years). my grandfather is now married for the third time, and has been for about 7 years now. my aunt and uncle have twins, they’re 3 years old. they call her “gramma”. and every time my father hears it, i can see the annoyance on his face. however, she’s the only grandmother they know. so it makes sense. plus, my uncle made the decision to allow it. they’re his kids. my father just feels differently. we don’t call her gramma, we call her by her name, just like we did with the wife prior to her.

if you don’t want her to be “gramma”, then have her be something else. just explain your reasoning. i’m sure she’ll understand.

 

Post # 14
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I am really sorry about your mom, this has to be really difficult.

While our parents are living they are both divorced and remarried. So we go by Grandma firstname and Grandpa first name (Grandma Nancy and Grandpa John), with the exception of my mom who is Grams.

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

First – I’m so sorry for your loss.  And congratulations!

My Grandfather died when I was 3 months old.  πŸ™  I hear he loved me a lot and we were BFF’s for that short time.  My Grandmother remarried when I was about 12, so her husband has never been “Grandpa” to us.  We refer to him as our Step-Grandpa, but we call him Dick, since that’s his name. 

I’ll echo all the suggestions to keep your mother’s memory alive with your child(ren).  They will love to get to know the woman who made you who you are, even though she isn’t with you anymore.  Your father’s wife should have no problem understanding how you want to explain to your children that Grandma is in Heaven and Nana (or whatever you want to call her) is here to take care of Grandpa now and give us real hugs and kisses.

ETA:  I have a “Grandma Laurie” and a “Grandma Marilyn” although for a while I called them “Little Grandma” and “Big Grandma.”  You can guess which one wasn’t happy about that!  Seriously, she’s just, like, a foot taller!

Post # 16
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m experiencing something similar!
My mother passed away when I was 11, so I completely understand how hard that loss is πŸ™ I am so very sorry! My dad has yet to remarry, so when I got pregnant I just assumed my son would get two grandfathers, but only one grandmother, which made me very sad for him. However, a few weeks before I gave birth my father began a relationship with an amazing woman who immediatly fell for not only him, but me and my brother as well. She was there for my son’s birth and instantly decided that he was her grandson, and I was so very very excited that, even though she and my father aren’t married (YET!!) My son WILL get two grandmothers!! I am very sad that my son won’t get to  meet my mother this side of heaven, but he will certainly know all about her, and still get to enjoy two complete sets of grandparents on earth πŸ™‚ 
I more than understand your saddness though. This is just one of those times that missing our mothers is just so very, very hard.  I know she’s not your mom, but she could still make one heck of a granmother, and your child can still know every detail about how special his/her other grandmother is, the one who shaped his/her own mother πŸ™‚ I think when it come to grandparents, the more the merrier! 

Also: Congrats on your baby to be!  

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