- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
Jim and I are planning on eloping, and we haven’t made a secret about the fact that eloping is our preference. I’ve been married twice before, but this is Jim’s first marriage. When we first talked about getting married, I knew I didn’t want a traditional wedding. I did all that before. And Jim’s parents died some time ago. Going away together is perfect for us.
However, my mom has done her best to try to make me feel guilty about our plans. First she told me that my niece and nephew would be very disappointed. And that almost made me change our plans. I asked Jim what we should do, and he didn’t give in to her. He just looked at me and said “she knows how to push your buttons.” So I talked to some other people and they said we should do what we want. So I didn’t give in.
Then mom tried another tact. She said she really wanted to see me get married, and when I reminded her she’s seen me get married before, she said this time is special because she thinks I chose the right person this time. I just sighed and ended the call as quickly as I could.
Later, we told her we had chosen to get married in Savannah. One of the reasons we chose it was because my mom’s brother lives in Georgia, and we thought mom and dad could visit him after the wedding. She said they’d try. Then when she went with me to pick out my gown, she said they could not afford to go.
Well, Jim and I have talked about paying their way, but we’d have to offer that to his brother and sister too. And the truth is we really want it to be the two of us…
So today I called my mom. My first fitting is scheduled for Tuesday, and I asked her if she could go with me. She said she had appointments. I thought she had a doctor’s appointment, so I asked her about her appointments. And she told me she was having lunch with the girls, that she hadn’t been to lunch with them for a while and that she shouldn’t put it off. She also said something about a swimming class.
Now, she can go to lunch any time with the girls, and she’s never mentioned a swimming class before. I know what she’s doing. She’s getting even with me for not giving in to her guilt trip. And I’m sure she’ll do her best to try to make me feel guilty about it for years to come.
I don’t know how to explain to her that this is what will me and Jim happy. This will be his first and only wedding, and if this is what we both want, we should be able to have the kind of wedding we want.
Now, just so that you don’t think we’re completely heartless to what she would like, we’ve said we would be happy to have a party afterwards, wear wedding clothes, and do a vow renewal of sorts for friends and family in her backyard, just as she had suggested for our actual ceremony.
Are we completely wrong to want our ceremony to be the way we want it to be–to have it in a way that is meaningful to us?
Oh…and I’m 44 and Jim is 48… We’re not young. We’re mature enough to know exactly what we want.