(Closed) Mom doesn’t want to attend rehearsal…

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Honestly, because it is your mother and because she is paying for so much, I’d personally go with whatever would cause the least drama.  You know your mother best, so I’d decide which will satisfy her more?

I know it sucks for you and it is kind of a cop-out, but that’s what I do.  Mom-drama just before your wedding would be terrible :/ 

I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

Post # 4
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My answer would depend on how you answer this question- do you think she is really uncomfortable going because of the location (no matter how irrational that may be) or is she using this as an excuse to get out of going for some other reason she isn’t willing to admit?  If it really is about the location, then I say try to find a solution which will allow her to still attend.  If you think it’s about something else, then no matter what accommodation you make, she’ll just keep finding some other excuse.  In that case, you have to figure out and address the real reason behind all this.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.  Either way, she really ought to just suck it up and go, but something tells me that this driving thing is not all there is to the situation…

Post # 6
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It sounds like she’s feeling left out and hurt, but is acting out in very childish ways.  Like she feels like she’s been excluded from the wedding and so she’s refusing to go to the rehearsal dinner to say “If they don’t want me around then fine, I’ll just leave!”  I’m sure you aren’t excluding her at all, but a lot of times these feelings can be really irrational.  The fact that she’s directing her anger at your step mom and Future Mother-In-Law makes me thing she’s jealous of the time you are spending with these other mother figures, and the fact that she focuses on you not giving her friend an invitation (to a kids party? How much more informal can you get?) is just another way of saying she’s not being included to the extent that she feels she should be.

Like I said, she’s being ridiculous and acting like a child.  I mean, I get it, it probably sucks to be around her ex’s new wife, sucks to be constantly making small talk with people you don’t really know, and it’s easy to for moms to feel lost in all the wedding excitement, especially when the couple is planning more independently. My mom and I went through the same thing.  But there’s a right and wrong way to express those feelings and right now she is wrong wrong wrong.

You know your mom better than us, so only you know whether it is best to go to her, sit her down and tell her how much you care about her and how important it is to you that she be there with you through all the wedding events and on the wedding day.  For a lot of moms that little reassurance that they are in fact still special, important, and not forgotten can go a long way.  Other moms will pull this kind of stuff to be emotionally manipulative and to try to turn all the attention on to themselves.  If that’s the case, then you may have to stand up to her, or else she’ll walk all over you.

Good luck, and I hope she realizes how hurtful she is being. 🙁

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