(Closed) Mom doesn’t want to help with dress!

posted 6 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 3
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

No, my mom wasn’t really interested in going with me either.  She battles with depression and can really be hot and cold about some things.  She even picked out her dress without me!  Don’t let it dampen your experience.  Although I’m sure if you told her how much you really want her there, she may go although if she’s going to be negative about it or in a bad mood, you’re probably better leaving her home. Regardless, sorry.  I know what it feels like.

Post # 4
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You’re not the only one. I totally get where you’re coming from. My mom didn’t want to go either. I was hurt at first, I’m her first to get married and I thought this would be the biggest deal to her, but it was not. She actually told me to go ahead and when I narrowed it down, she ‘might’ have time to see what I picked! LOL!! I quickly got over it when I went with my BMs and on my own to try dresses. Trying on my own was the best because I didn’t have to deal with multiple peoples’ opinions tbh. I ended up picking a gown that I liked and it’s currently on order (replica-a whole other post!).

Don’t be down! Maybe she doesn’t want to influence you or maybe it’s overwhelming for her that her little girl is getting married, who knows? If you really want her input, maybe you can do like my mom mentioned and narrow it down to 2 or 3 dresses and she can help with the final decision. Mainly don’t let this get you down, you have other family and friends that will help you along the way and you have the Bee to come to to vent when you need it!

Post # 5
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My mom was pregnant when I got engaged. She re-married the year before (in 2010). She hated dress shopping for bridesmaids dresses for my sisters and I. It was horrible. And that’s an understatement. No matter what we chose, she said she wouldn’t purchase anything over $30. And that made it that much harder. She wouldn’t let us purchase our own dresses with our own money, either. So, I had to smile and grin for her wedding and what she wanted. 

I am a young bride (early 20’s) and I think she felt like she wasn’t ready for me to grow up–not really sure. She always knew Fiance and I would get married and really is happy for us, but I think she was tired and the pregnancy got a hold of her.

I ended up purchasing my dream dress (making it to my exact measurements) from a talented designer on Etsy and I was in a very depressed state that she wasn’t supportive (my family isn’t the close type anyway). My family loves it and all think it’s perfect for me, and it fit my budget perfectly. I didn’t really enjoy dress shopping (NOTHING had straps or what I wanted), but since she showed no interest in going with me (and since I am paying for it), I just followed my heart.

However, I am planning on having a “wedding dress reveal” party for my mom and Future Mother-In-Law, grandma, and sisters (bridal party) so they can all feel special and see it. If it’s not the dress, it’s the flowers, your future children’s birthday parties, who’s going to who’s house for Thanksgiving, what kind of car you’re going to buy, what kind of job you get…you can’t make everyone happy all the time.

Stay encouraged, Bee.

I know, it’s hard because everyone has this notion that mothers and daughters are “supposed” to dress shop together, but not everyone is able to do this. My mother isn’t, well, “super mom” and our relationship isn’t the greatest all the time. She has no patience for any type of shopping, so I expected this. She still didn’t want to go even almost a year after she gave birth to my little brother. I am still going to make it a fun surprise, and  I hope she forgets all the un-needed drama in the past. Just smile and press on–you’re getting married to the love of your life (that is what keeps me going)! 🙂

WOW, that was long, sorry!

Post # 6
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My mother couldn’t go because of travel/scheduling issues – she loved my dress when she saw it – my big advice about wedding planning is to let go of some of the ideas you may have about how things should be and start enjoying them the way they are – you are lucky to have others who want to go with you —  

Post # 7
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What is her reason for not wanting to go with you?  Just because she doesn’t like to shop?  That is nice of her to pay for your dress, but you should make it clear that you want her to be there with you, not just her credit card.  You said that you have had struggles with your weight.  This is a huge battle for me.  Are you bigger than you want to be right now, or have you lost a bunch and are comfortable with where your at?  I am having a small destination wedding in Jamaica, and we are not having a wedding party.  My mom is the only person that went with me.  I have gained a ton of weight over the last 3 years, and am the biggest I have ever been, size 22.  My mom knows how hard I worked to get down to a size 12 about 6 years ago.  More than anything, I can tell that she is sad that I let myself get heavier again.  I am working to lose the weight.  It makes me sad that you went by yourself, because most girls need there mom at times like these.

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