Post # 1
I’m been trying to avoid posting on the emotional board & generally I’ve been pretty good at handling wedding planning drama as it arises. But this last argument with my mom left me really upset. I need to vent, and I need advice.
Last night, my mom was preparing invites for my bridal shower and asked if she could invite 2 of my second (first, once removed?) cousins (her cousins). They are invited to wedding and I said sure. Then she wanted to know if the children of one of these women were invited to the wedding. I said no.
She flipped out. Screaming, calling me names, telling me I’m a cold, selfish person. I stayed calm, told her that this was what we had a agreed on, that the girls don’t even know who I am, I haven’t seen them more than once, maybe twice in my lifetime. It got bad – she was mocking me, telling me I was selfish & the wedding wasn’t about me, that it was my parents decision since they are hosting (my Future In-Laws and my Fiance & I are also paying). When she kept screaming and started to inform me that she wasn’t asking me, she was telling me, I finally hung up.
Here’s the thing. I don’t really mind having those 2 girls there. But, when we planned our wedding, my Fiance & I agreed on 2 restrictions – 1) no relatives beyond 1st cousins & 2) no kids. My mom argued both and I gave in on both – she even said at the time, though, that I needn’t invite the children of the second cousins.
It’s not the girls, it’s the fact that our wishes are once again being ignored and I’m being personally verbally assualted because she disagrees. If she had presented the idea rationally and explained her reasoning, I probably would’ve agreed.
I’m afraid if I give in on this, she’ll use this tactic everytime we disagree. Please help me!
Post # 3
Don’t give in. Especially if you and your Fiance are paying for this yourselves. You set limits for a reason, and one exception will just lead to more exceptions. It was totally unreasonable for your mother to get so upset about this.
Post # 4
Don’t give in. Your mother is being unreasonable.
Post # 5
@futuremrsfitz18: My parents plan to pay for the caterer… my Fiance and I are covering things like centerpieces, chair rentals, bar, etc.
Post # 6
This is why I am so glad that we are paying for everything ourselves. We might not be able to have the most awesome wedding in the world, but it will still be very nice.
And I know this sounds disrespectful, but had that been my mother, I’d have hung up on her before I listened that kind of crap.
Post # 7
I agree with Paigey! In addition I would also refuse any help she is offering and tell Dad why you are declining thier help.
I declined the $15000 “gift” from my Future Mother-In-Law for that very reason and it is the BEST decision I could have made. Even if I have to work Overtime to pay for my own wedding I still have my sanity and a relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law after the wedding. I really don’t take crap from anyone and even after declining the money Future Mother-In-Law had a tantrum when I did not get her approval before I booked vendors. As soon as she started I put a stop to it! I also told Future Father-In-Law why she was mad at me and the things she said to me and he ripped her a new one! LOL
Hold your ground sister.
This is your wedding not her family reunion.
Post # 8
@RVG1010: I like your last statement! Putting it in my back pocket to reserve for future use.
Post # 9
@RVG1010: I would love to talk to my father about all this, but that’s always been tricky when it comes to fights between my mom & I. My dad hates to talk on the phone, so he never answers if I call home, nor does he answers his cell mostly. Plus, his method of dealing with my mom is to just tune her out and keep the peace. Granted, he’ll back me up if he really thinks she’s out of line… but it’s almost impossible to speak to him one-on-one. (FI and I are 6 hours away from my parents, so in-person is out of the question.)
I’ve made it clear that I don’t accept the strings my mom is trying to attach to the money they’ve been offering, and I’m prepared to pay for the wedding without their help if they don’t like that.