(Closed) Mom driving me nuts over engagement party

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

(((((HUGS))))))

There’s a word for what you are describing.  I’m so sorry she’s being that way!  Did this just start with all the wedding planning or has there always been this side to her?

My guess is that she’s trying to maintain the center of attention status and you  are getting in the way…   Who do you think you are?  The bride or something?

You have a few options:  You can call her on it and explain how she’s hurting you, You can ignore her behavior and no longer tell her what you “dream” about, or you can be a total brat and set her up – purposfully describe or pick something you would never do and then do what you like.

I know that last option is mean, but a friend of mine used that tactic with a roommate of her that was literally trying to “be” her.  She raved about this haircut and then changed her mind – after the roommate had gone to get hers cut.  Harsh? yes, but the roommate got the message.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

That’s terrible really – but there’s no harm in steering her a different direction, right?  I mean it’s not like you’ll convince her to shave her head…  Just treat your wish list as a highly guarded national secret. 

I completely understand not being able to talk to her – I have a few family members like this.  They say there’s lots to the psycological aspect of that weight loss surgery – maybe that’s part of it.

If talking to her is out – you might just blurt out “wow mom, you really hurt my feelings”  next time she does it.

🙂

Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds to me like your mom is searching high and low for validation. Was her relationship with her parents strained when she was a kid? Or with your dad when you were a kid?

Bottom line, your mom probably really needs counseling or spiritual healing to be able to see herself in a new light and appreciate herself without constant external validation, and that’s probably not gonna happen by the wedding, so … I guess deal with it? I don’t mean that in a harsh way. More like find a way to ignore it, and help her address the problem after the wedding is over.

Post # 8
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Is it possible that she’s just over-eager to share your interests? Maybe she thinks that since you like those things, if she likes them too, then you’ll be like best friends or something. She might not even realize she’s stealing your ideas, maybe she is just thinking how much fun it is to get all glammed up with her daughter. I dunno, moms get funny during wedding planning! I guess your best defense is just to not share your best ideas with her any more so she can’t steal them.

Post # 9
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve heard this is really common with people who have weight-loss surgery, so it doesn’t really surprise me. That being said, it still really, really stinks that you’re having to deal with it all. I would definintely not tell her anything else you’re planning to do (that will have its own issues but you have to do what you have to do) and move on with the wedding til after its over, and then deal with the real issue at hand.

Post # 10
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

WOW you just described my mom!  When I lived in her home she would try to borrow my clothes, anything I said I liked she’d go and buy before me and be like oooooh lookie what I got!!!  When I got engaged, she told the entire world practically and people were congratulating her as if she got engaged!   She’d be like “Oh thank you I know I’m so excited”…wtf?  I feel your frustration.

Post # 12
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

AND BREATH TWO THREE FOUR! You might want to remind her that a prom dress you wore when you were 18 would not even be appropriate for you *now* much less your 55 year old mother. Or you could just take the easy way out and tell her that you don’t have it anymore. “Sometime” sounds code for “I really want to wear it to somewhere that is completely inappropriate  but I don’t want to tell you about it because it might involve your wedding in some way, shape, or form” but I could be overthinking it.

Post # 14
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ha I say just don’t give it to her. Or chop it off at the knee. Or… something. Anything! Ha! I would have killed my mom long before this, you are so very patient!

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