(Closed) Mom fell off the wagon with 37 days to go!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2934 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@NikkiKillpretty:  Addiction does suck. I am so sorry for you, and for her.

Post # 4
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

sorry why would she need to go straight into a 60-90 day re hab center once released for hospital? is there other issues going on. really hope she can make it to your wedding

Post # 5
4933 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

🙁 I’m sorry. Addiction is such a hard disease.

Have they ever tried putting your mom on that medication the negates the effects of alcohol? I wonder if that would help, with other interventions of course. 

Post # 6
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry to hear this. Truly sorry. My heart goes out to you, and to her.

DH’s father wasn’t at our wedding for similar reasons – only to us, it was a surprise that he wasn’t there. I’m sorry for the hurt you’ll undoubtedly feel that day. Try to concentrate on the good things, and enjoy your amazing wedding day as much as you can!

Post # 7
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m so sorry 🙁 I know what you’re going through. It hurts so much when the person who is supposed to love you the most, can’t be there for you consistently or can’t even take care of THEMSELVES consistently.

I don’t understand and I never will, how people can let this happen to themselves. I hope the rest of your family can rally around you as your wedding day approaches and make you feel peaceful and loved!

Post # 8
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am so sorry to hear this. We had a family member with terrible alcoholism issues, too. She’s since passed, but not before wreaking havoc on herself and her family.

The best thing you can do is encourage her to get back on the wagon and not give up.

Post # 9
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My sympathies!  I grew up with an alcoholic (who unfortunately never got treatment at all), and I know it sucks!

Post # 10
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Magdalena:  +1 to all of this, as the daughter of a drug addict (she’s five years clean, but a lot of the effects — psychological, physical and emotional — are still very evident).

OP, I hope your mom gets better.

Post # 11
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s awful. I have nothing else to say but I am so, so sorry you are going through this again. As the daughter of a recovering alcoholic I know how hard this can be. Stay strong.

Post # 12
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@NikkiKillpretty:  Ok, I’m the daughter of an alcoholic Mother too. So first of all….take a breath. And I understand your stress.

The trigger could have been the anxiety of your wedding. My Mom has fallen off the wagon over upcoming events many times. She’s fallen off the wagon just for a Sunday visit.

They don’t call it ‘brave juice’ for nothing, this can be where an alcoholic really thinks they are ‘preparing’ or even just ‘numbing’ in preperation.

I have had anxiety before every single event of my whole life, wondering how she would be, including my wedding.

Here’s the thing – I had NO idea how my Mom would be for my bridal shower or my wedding. Most people in my life know that she is not only an alcoholic, but also she struggles with serious agoraphobia in social situations. She’s basically a recluse.

I had some of her friends come to the shower and the wedding to ‘babysit’ her. It worked out very well. She wasn’t top form, but she was ok. She made it anyway, I wasn’t even sure if she would back out at the last minute. This is also my plan for her coming to my upcoming baby shower.

Maybe this is something you could do? Have someone that she knows there in ‘charge’ of her?

The other thing is, I guess it depends on how much you want her there or not. It sounds like you haven’t given up on her, so if you want her there because she’s your Mom, you know very well that you have no idea how it will go. But here’s the thing – even if it’s a trainwreck, so be it. That’s your life, and I know it would be awesome to have your wedding just ONE day for you without drama, but it’s unpredictable.

The other thing I did was seat my Mom very close to the exit and the washrooms. This also worked very well as she felt less claustrophobic, and less like all eyes were on her. That helped her be successful.

Do whatever might work for your Mom’s personality to set her up for success. My fingers are crossed for you. This is a really hard burden to carry through life, I know.

Post # 13
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@NikkiKillpretty:  Oh I’m sorry, I just realized that you think she likely won’t be able to attend your wedding because of her actions and then the rehab. Yup, addiction sucks, and so does being the child of an alcoholic.

Video tape it and take lots of pictures for her if she cant’ be there. I know you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If she doesn’t come, at least you don’t have to stress over how she will be. But you’ll be sad that she missed it. Really sucks. I’m so sorry – just know that you’re not alone in having to feel like that.

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