(Closed) Mom Frustrations – Vent

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Anise:  hi, i can hear how frustrated you are but stick to your guns over the dress, the cake and the money. Re guests, tell her you have to have a full list from her by x date and then no one else can come and because the wedding is only for 75 you and your fiancé have veto power So she should put them in priority order. I know it’s so hard to say stuff like that to your mother but for your peace of mind, try. 

My mother and I had a huge row almost exactly a year ago and i have been practically estranged from her and my sister Since. But despite this, she’s still managed to complain about it all.  I am so not a stately home wedding venue type of girl. We are lucky enough to have a garden with a fantatsic view (seriuosly its divine) and enough room to have the wedding there so that’s what we are doing. We’re having a garden party, a band, and a roast chicken lunch. She knows this much and has emailed me and rung me to tell me that my fiancé doesn’t love me enough and I obviously have self-worth issues if we get married in the house with ‘that ugly kitchen behind you’. She asked why I wasn’t worth a proper wedding venue and I thought, she’s my own mother and has no understanding of me at all. I’d hate to get married in a place that means nothing to me. Some people like the grandeur, I want the sentiment! 

She’s told me I can’t invite any of my aunts or uncles… But won’t tell me why. 

And she’s criticised us vehemently for having it in France. we live in france!! We aren’t just swanning off for the fun of it, it’s where we live!! She says we are inconsiderate to ask people who don’t live there to travel and have to pay for this in the middle of a recession! I’m not really sure of the solution as we have people cominv from the UK, france, switzerland, the US, AUstralia, Phillipines….. but I got so worried she was right I had a massive row with my fiancé about it and we canvassed our friends…. They all said they love the idea! We have different groups of friends coming so they are all hiring villlas in the area and having their yearly holidays Withtheir best friends and their kids. For some of them, it’ll be cheaper than flying to the uk. And others say they wiuld fly snywhere, its our wedding!!! They all said ‘don’t be stupid! We could spend a weekend in the UK in the rain or a week in the south of Franc. By the pool, it’s a no brainer!’ 

But, Despite my argument with her, and these annoying hurtful things, wish she could just be happy for us. Whether we were arguing or not she’d be saying the same thing So in a way, i’m not missing out, but despite how annoying she is, I’d rather have her want to be involved than not.

So when your mother is being annoying, keep hold of the fact that annoying or not, she loves you, is excited for you and wants to be involved, because honestly, i’d give anything to know that right now!

Xx

Post # 4
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Here is a quick remedy for the cake issue – I have 3 married DD’s so I have spoken to my fair share of venues and caterers.  It is fairly common for caterer’s and/or venue’s to require the cake come from a commercially licensed facility.  Check with yours to see if they require this.  Offer them an extra tip if they help you out here…wink wink.

 

No lie – I have been on wedding boards for years since I have a bumper crop of daughters.  There was a bride on the knot many years ago who learned this lesson the hard way.  Her grandmother made ALL the family wedding cakes.  Well, the bride’s reception facility only allowed food that came from commercially licensed kitchens to be brought in.  No one checked this.

The venue did not allow the wedding cake (was to serve 300 guests!), so no cake for the reception, and a lifetime supply of leftover wedding cake.

I’m hoping that works out for you.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Aren’t Asian moms fun?  My mom’s Japanese, and we’re going wedding dress shopping soon.  Seriously stressed!  She didn’t understand some of the American culture and traditional bonding moments growing up.  So prom dress shopping ended up with my sobbing on the floor hysterically, my friends and their moms all staring at us, and it just went downhill from there.  Over a decade later, she now understands that all those grade school and high school moments were supposed to be fun and positive, not ‘criticize how a dress makes your daughter look fat’ day.  So now she’s going on the opposite end of WE WILL HAVE A MOM-DAUGHTER BONDING DAY IF IT KILLS US’. 

That being said, she’s picked at everything from the decor, the venue, the guest list, invitations and flowers (and lack thereof).  She does it because she cares, and I know she worries that I’m too budget conscious and I’ll feel like I missed out later on.  Personally, I’d rather have the extra money that I’ve saved for a house down payment.  Just keep repeating ‘she means well’ in your head over and over.  I’ve also learned to give her choices between two things that I like.  So when I designed my invitations, I showed her our two favorite options and asked for her opinion.  No matter what, I was getting what I wanted, and she felt involved.

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