Post # 1
My mom has been giving me a hard time about us having our wedding 6 pm on a Friday because we are not being ‘considerate of elderly guests who can’t stay out that late’. The only ‘elderly guest’ is my nana; everyone else works regular 9 to 5 jobs. We can’t accommodate everyone, this is what works best for us and the majority of guests. She also gave me crap, saying she wouldn’t be able to find someone to watch my elderly grandparents with dementia at home that late at night. She is guilt tripping me and making me feel like sh!t 🙁 any advice would be appreciated, thanks
Post # 2
Did you have this info before you set the date and time?
Has your mom always been responsible for your grandparents and did you know that too?
Post # 3
I’m sorry your mom is giving you a hard time! But like you say, you can’t accommodate everyone, and that includes family! Some people can’t get babysitters on weekends, some people have to work weekends and so on…stand your grounds! If possible you could spend some time with your grandparents before the ceremony, make them feel like a part of your day…but yeah it’s still your day 🙂 good luck and congratulations!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre
Stand your ground, if your mom has always been responsible for your grandparents try to see if you can help your mom finding someone to watch your grandparents Friday night.
Post # 5
Surely your nana can manage the 6pm ceremony? She doesn’t have to stay for the entire reception or anything. Maybe she doesn’t even mind at all and your mum is just assuming – you should communicate with your nana directly to make sure she can come. I’m not sure about the grandparents with dementia but what does your mum normally do when she goes out? Does she never go out at night? I’m not quite sure of the situation here.
Post # 6
If your mom was invited elsewhere on a Friday night what arrangements would she make? Would she give someone else the same kind of grief she’s giving you? Are there any kind of services available to look after someone in their home for a few hours? It’s your wedding day, surely she can sort something out for it?
Post # 7
Tell her you can change it to a Monday if that works better for her. 😉
Post # 8
Your mom is being a pain in the ass. ^pm on a friday is well within the “norm” for weddings these days. What did she want you to do? tuesday at 10am? just ignore it, and move on with your planning
Post # 9
millmick30 : Grandma wouldn’t stay out late if it was a saturday either. 6- 10 pm is enough time for grandma to see the ceremony, eat dinner and get home. Tell your Mum tough luck.
We have a 90 year old grandma in our wedding as well, instead of having her come early to do family photos with everyone else, we’re going to squeeze her into a couple right after the ceremony so she doesn’t get exhuasted doing ‘wedding’ things ALL day. She’ll most likely leave around 10 after dinner, whatever she wants.
Post # 10
millmick30 : Nana should be fine. As someone else said would it matter if it was a Saturday? Monday? Friday?
As for the grandparents with dementia, thats a horse of a different color. Who normally watches them when your mother goes out? Are there no services that someone can provide? I assume your mother works so who watches them during the day and can their hours be extended? Perhaps your mother will have to leave early.
Post # 11
millmick30 : a friday nite 6pm wedding is a normal wedding event time. Your nana should be fine. its not like she is running a marathon. she is walking into a room and sitting down then walking into another room at some point and sitting down. so make sure she is comfortable and I am sure she will have a wonderful time seeing her granddaughter get married. as a PP said just be sure to make the travel and time accomadations for her to be comfortable. I mean she does deserve a little attention, if it werent for her, this wedding would not even take place, right? (wink wink nod nod)
as for the other elderly grandparents, do a google search. there are many companies that provide sitter service based on an hourly rate. its the families responsibility to have things ready for the sitter. just ask questions what exactly they will do such as bathroom, dress, undress, feed, turn and position in the bed, and give meds. but adult sitter service is a huge business in healthcare.
Post # 12
millmick30 : dont go on that guilt trip! It’s your wedding and it will be what you want. Call some agencies that have CNA/PSW you guys can get a sitter very easily. I work at a retirement residence and I know how fast a sitter can be found. Especially for 1 night. Also your nana only has to be there for the ceremony and dinner. It’s not like she will be hitting the dance floor and partyimg till 3am or anything.
Post # 13
millmick30 : Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty! There are any number of at home health care providers – google “in home health care” or “respite care” and you’ll find something. If you have itme, bring in those services ahead of time to get your grandparents accustomed to strangers in the house.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2016 - Ed Oliver Golf Club, Wilmington, DE
I received from flak from family members when we decided on a Friday night wedding, and some was for the same reason of people being out late (we had a 4pm mass, then 6:30-11:30 reception).. and I calmly explained to them that even if we had it on the Saturday, our times would remain the same. That made them quiet. Also, my 91 year old grandmother and wheelchair bound great aunt stayed right up until the end because they were having so much fun reconnecting with family members!
Post # 15
I think you just have to stand your ground. My mom told me the same why not a Saturday? Why that date, people work, people are old, they can’t drive far etc. Etc etc. You can’t accommodate everyone and you shouldn’t have to. Do what’s right for you and your fiancé!