(Closed) Mom has mental illness, and I feel ashamed.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

As someone with a mentally ill mother myself, I understand some of this. I think there are a couple of points I can give you which might help.

– When your mother is sick, your relationship needs to undergo a radical readjustment. She is no longer the mother, and you are no longer the child. Instead, she is your dependant, and she needs to be treated in a similar way to how you would treat a sick child.

– You need to find some way to get control of your mother. You need to fight to get a correct diagnosis and, if necessary, to get her declared legally incompetant so that you can manage her affairs (that is, if she is to ill to manage herself). The longer she goes without treatment, the less of the original personality can be saved.

– You need to be very open about this, because you will need the help of those around you, including your husband and his family.

Good luck.

Post # 4
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My family has a very long history of depression as well as dealing with trauma, which is exactly what you and your family are still going through. What you’re feeling is normal. The only advice I can give is do what you can to get yourself the help you need and get yourself back to therapy when you can afford it. You’ve done what you can to take care of her, and that’s a noble thing to do as a child for a parent. Kudos to you. Taking your advice is up to her, and I know the holidays must have been hard without her, but you need to focus on you before you can really have the relationship you (both) want. Your feelings of embarassment are very valid (and I know those very well from experience), but it also seems very clear that you worry for her well-being. I hope you’re able to get some peace and balance in this relationship with your mom.

Post # 6
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My mom is the same way.  But she also uses drugs and alcohol & was verbally abusive.  I finally had to cut her out of my life.

The one thing I finally learned is that I could not help her… she has to help herself.  She is the mom.  I’m not.

My mom will most likely die and I will never see her again… and as sad as it is, I’m better off.

I would try and set boundaries with your mom.  Tell her what is acceptable and what bothered you, and that she needs to help herself.  I am so sorry you’re going through this.  It’s terribly painful 🙁

Post # 7
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

It sounds like she very much needs some medication and treatment.  Is she aware of her mental illness, or in denial?  We have a friend who was acting very similarly to the first part you described (extreme paranoia about friends plotting against him, etc) – it took a full mental breakdown and hospitalization before he accepted that he is schizophrenic and got treatment.  He’s basically all better now but still on medication for obvious reasons.

If money is an issue, is there a place in her town that provides mental care on a sliding scale?  We have one of those here (in a small town of only 30 thousand) and it’s great – you can see somebody for $2/hr, and generic prescription drugs are very affordable.

It sounds like she needs serious help.  I’m so sorry.  My Fiance is going through a horrible mental health crisis right now, and I know how absolutely terrifying and terrible it is.  Please try not to give up on her, although I know you can’t make somebody else take their health crisis seriously.

Post # 8
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

It could very well be many other things causing the irrational behavior, and to me it almost sounds like early onset dementia or Alzheimer’s, but could also be any of a number of medical conditions that cause changes as you’ve described. I think she needs a complete medical exam to rule out anything else before jumping into just a mental illness. The depression and breakdown aside, something systemic may be going on too.

Is there anyone else who can suggest getting her examined? What about your siblings?

Post # 9
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It is a shame that mental illness is still regarded as something that has to be hidden. It is a disease, just like physical ones. Time to stop hiding. It’s NOT your fault, and people may be more undertanding than you think. You can and will get through this!


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