Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2015 - Drury Lane
I found my dress a couple weeks ago. My Maid/Matron of Honor and I were just browsing and I ended up finding THE dress that made me feel like a bride. Although it definitely was not what I had been originalyl looking for. I was thinking White, A-line, lace, with sleeves. I ended up with Ivory, Drop-waist Ballgown, Mikado satin, Strapless. I have aways had very large upper arms and wanted to hide them, but once I put this dress on I honestly did not care about hiding my arms because I felt beautiful. I have since started doing some pretty serious arm workouts courtesy of YouTube and am hopeful I can get at least a little more toned up since my wedding is still 14 months away. I fell in love with the dress and so did my Maid/Matron of Honor, and I paid for it myself. This should be all that matters, right?
That’s where Mom comes in. My mom has always been very negative about me and the fact that I have been overweight my whole life. For example, my Fiance and I are currently on Weight Watchers. He has lost 10 pounds and I have lost 8 in the last 3 weeks. Her reaction? She was incredibly proud of him. But for me, she said “You ONLY lost 8 pounds?” Yup… thanks Mom.
Well, I happened to mention that I got my dress. My mom did not seem bothered I went shopping without her (we have differed on styles for as long as I could remember so this was for the best) but the first thing she said was “It should have long sleeves, like mine.” My mom got married in 1980 in a long sleeve, high neck, lace gown that was so typical of the 80’s. In every photo the only skin visible is her face. I mentioned my dress is strapless, and she got upset, saying “Dont let your body hang out there.” “It won’t look as nice.” “I want you to have sleeves.” “Your arms are too fat to wear anything without sleeves.”
I know what everyone is going to say. It’s my wedding and I should wear what makes me happy. I don’t want to alter my dress in any way to add sleeves and I don’t want to wear a shawl or a wrap. In my mind it takes away from the design of the dress. Like I said, my mom and I have very different styles, but it also bothers me that she can’t accept the dress I love. It also feels like she is not supportive of my personal weight loss goals and thinks I shuld hide my body. My mother shames my body even more than I do myself. The photo of me in the dress is below. Am I crazy for feeling beautiful?
Post # 2
MrsWatkinstobe: Nope, you look awesome. Shame on your Mom for being so unsupportive. That dress is gorgeous, and you look gorgeous in it.
On a side not though, if you did want a bolero for the ceremony, I think if you found one in the same fabric as the ress, it wouldn’t take away from it at all. You for sure don’t need one though!
Post # 3
“I fell in love with the dress and so did my Maid/Matron of Honor, and I paid for it myself. This should be all that matters, right?”
Yes, this is completely all that matters. You should absolutely feel proud of your weight loss, and that dress looks lovely on you. It really is a gorgeous dress! If you feel beautiful and confident in it then that’s what will show on your wedding day. Don’t fixate on what your mother says- that kind of negativity has no place at a wedding.
Post # 4
Look at that expression! You feel beautiful and confident and it shows. It will show on the day too.
It seems that your mother is projecting some of her own issues onto you and I would bet she would be critical no matter what you chose – even if it were an exact replica of her dress.
I heard an expression on here once: you can’t go to a broken well and expect to get water from it. In other words – as hard as it is, you can’t rely on her for your happiness, particularly when she’s in no state to provide it to you.
Post # 5
Haters gonna hate.
You glow in that dress and your fiance is going to be blown away! That’s all that matters.
Post # 6
The only change you need to make is to stop letting your Mom push your buttons. I know it’s hard because our Mothers have had so much power over us siince we were babies, but there comes a time when we need to take back that power.
Post # 7
MrsWatkinstobe: You look beeeeautiful and I LOVE the dress!! I thought my mom had no filter, but your mom! Grrrr. I don’t know what it is about them, especially the older they get. Sorry you had to deal with her rude comments your whole life. Not cool. Probably you know by now you won’t ever get the support you should from her so listen to your Maid/Matron of Honor and US. Hehe! But seriously, it’s beautiful and try not to let her get ya down.
Post # 8
“I fell in love with the dress and so did my Maid/Matron of Honor, and I paid for it myself. This should be all that matters, right?”<br /><br />
Spot on. You love your dress, you look gorgeous in it ultimately you paid for it. This really IS all that matters. Don’t let your mother drag you down with her negativity.
Post # 9
Your mother isn’t the one wearing the dress- so it really doesn’t matter how she feels about it. You love it- so you rock it girl!
Post # 10
As long as you like it that’s all that matters especially since you’re paying for it.
Post # 11
Concentrate on how you feel, and what you want out of your weight loss journey. Noone should make you feel anything less than amazing on your wedding day! There’s so much pressure to be a particular way, but as long as you are healthy and happy, that’s what matters! Whatever you do, don’t be put off your weight loss by what she said – it’s been proven that losing 2-3lbs a week steadily is much easier to keep off than losing loads quickly, so stick at it 🙂
Post # 12
MrsWatkinstobe: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT FOR FEELING BEAUTIFUL!!!!! You’ve got this!
Post # 13
I think you look beautiful and congratulations on your weight loss. Keep up the good work! 🙂
Post # 14
You look gorgeous, and your smile says it all. That is your dress, girl, and you look absolutely amazing in it! It sounds like your mom has issues with herself and that manifests in the way she talks to you. You’ve got to rise above that and not let it drag you down. You look beautiful and I can tell by your smile that you feel beautiful in that dress. You are going to rock it on your wedding day!
Post # 15
You’re happy, and that’s what matters.
When it comes to your mom’s behavior, she’s acting the way she usually does. It’s business as usual. Accept that she’s consistently negative and take everything she says with a big, heaping grain of salt.
You like that dress, you’re wearing it how you want, and that’s final. That’s how it is. She can’t change that.
Oh, and it’s great that you’re losing weight. She may not acknowledge that, but that doesn’t change anything. The good things you do are good no matter what she does or does not say.