- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
So….I’m having a bit of a destination wedding–it’s at my folks’ place about 3 hours’ drive from where most of my guests live. I am serving dinner after the ceremony to encourage people to stay late and dance and drink into the night.
The thing is, my parents offered to pay for a portion of the wedding, and they designated part of their money to go to the catering. Now that the catering bid arrived, it’s obvious that it will literally eat up (ha-ha!) up the entirity of the money they are “donating”. So they’re uneasy, wishing the money could stretch further…and here it comes:
Mom wants to cater it.
The problem is that our wedding is at 160 guests right now (before the invites go out, so I’m thinking maybe 130 or so people will end up coming), and my mom…well, she’s only human. She can’t physically do that—nor does she have the expereince. But every time we talk about it, she brings up that she and my three aunts can “take care of the food.” And every time she brings this up, my heart sinks.
I don’t mean to get all bridezilla on her, but I was looking forward to a catered dinner as being so elegant–the one thing I was getting “the real deal” on, while DIYing much of the other parts. And I really, really don’t want to have to think about having to find 18 of everything for every table (salt shakers, butter dishes, bread baskets, etc.) on TOP of decorations and flowers and all the rest of it. And that’s just in the time LEADING UP to the wedding—to say nothing of the day of the wedding!
And the fact that I’m not a fan of her menu choices and…well, honestly, I, um….I don’t believe in their cooking talents in that volume. And finally, it completely ignores the guilt I’ll have, with her working so hard and me barely appreciating it (loathing it, really).
OMG, my head is spinning, thinking of the guilt cycle!! And the anger at myself for being picky! And then the guilt of….being picky, and the anger and having to feel guilty….! And—
Okay, you get what I’m saying.
The final point is, the catering bid seems quite reasonable for 160 people. It’s just the fact that my mom COULD do it for cheaper makes her crazy. There are places we can trim down, like providing our own table cloths, setting up the tables, and such. I’d even love/prefer we do cheap ethnic food instead of chicken and stuff, but Mom won’t have any of it (“You may like Indian or Thai, but what will the rest of the guests eat??” SIGH. Obviously there is more to this argument than simple catering, but I’m letting go. I’m totally…letting….go……breathe…….).
So, what do I do? How can I gently put my foot down? Or how do I ask if we could trade monetary responsibilities; have my fiancé and I do catering while they take care of the photography/band/tent, etc.?