Post # 1
… and I honestly don’t know how to answer her. Urghh. I need help.
So here’s the situation: DH and I just moved back to the Seattle area last October. We lived in VA before that, for quite a long time. We had a billion friends out in VA, and while it sucked to leave them all behind, that’s Army life for ya. Now we live near my immediate family and the place where I grew up. We also got married out here last summer.
But since we moved so recently, we don’t really have a lot of friends. We have some pretty decent acquaintances that we’ve made through running club and Jeep club stuff, but they’re not really close enough that I would feel comfortable giving their contact info to my mom to invite them to a baby shower.
This means that any baby shower I had would be almost exactly as awkward as the bridal shower my sister threw for me that I didn’t want. It was just old family friends that I had barely seen in 9 years and people my mom is close to … and yeah, that bridal shower was like the most torturous two hours of my life. The whole time, all I wanted was for it to be over. I really don’t want to repeat that experience!! So, all these facts point towards “no baby shower.”
But there’s a problem. We need stuff. And a lot of the aforementioned family friends and club acquaintances will probably want to buy us stuff. I mean, not that they WANT to, but ya know, they will be more than happy to since they like us, and many of them have known me for a really long time and came to our wedding and all that good stuff. If we don’t have a shower, then odds are it won’t occur to them to look at the registry until after the baby is born … by which point, I’ll have gritted my teeth and bought all the stuff myself.
So now I don’t know what to do. Ugh, if only it were acceptable etiquette-wise to send people invitations to buy me stuff but not attend a shower. “You don’t have to spend a Sunday watching me open presents! YOU’RE WELCOME!!!” Haha that would be the best solution for everyone involved
Any guidance/ideas/suggestions for me???
Post # 3
honestly? sounds painful and awkward. i’d bite the bullet and buy everything myself. if you do get presents when the baby is born, you can always return them or exchange for stuff that we need. (you WILL need more stuff)
Post # 4
I would just have the shower. It might be painful, but it’s short.
Post # 5
You could think of it like a crappy day at work. You really don’t want to go and it kinda sucks but at least you get paid for your time!
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Have a Baby-Que. It’s a barbeque get-together that happens to be a shower. Much more casual and laid back. No baby games. And beer for the non-pregnant guests. I am sure you could invite some of your husband’s Army unit and their wives/girlfriends to something like that. You could also use it as a way to meet new people in your neighborhood. (I would probably learn towards sending out two types of invites, baby shower ones with registry info to the people you already know and barbeque ones without registry info to new friends.)
Post # 7
Here’s what I’d do:
Have the shower, but limit it to family members and anyone you consider ‘close’ at this point.
Go ahead and send invitations to the people back in VA you would have invited if they were local, and they will probably just send a gift. Chances are, if they’re that close to you anyway they’d send you something without having been invited. Or, if your mom is webernet savvy she can create a facebook event and leave it public so your friends can see it, and they’ll likely contact you or her to send you something without needing to be invited to a physical shower. Just depends on your crowd though, some people might side-eye getting invited to an event everyone know’s there is no way in hell they could attend.
Post # 8
+1 Two hours of really awkward conversation and wanting it all to be over for hundreds of dollars? I’d do it.
Alternately, you could do a virtual shower with your friends in VA. We did this for a friend who moved from CA to NY a few years ago. Basically, we sent out invites with the registry info, her shipping address and the url for her livestream account. People mailed her things. Then on the particular day & time she logged on, we all logged in and she opened presents while we used the chat feature to oooh and ahhh. The original plan was for the rest of us to get together and have shower games and food but that got nixed.
Post # 9
I was kind of leaning towards something like this — something that wouldn’t be as horrible as that bridal shower, haha. Ladies with sandwiches and sweet cocktails? Not really my thing. Laid-back gathering of friends with some baby presents tucked in there too? Much less painful. But then I run into that same problem of figuring out exactly who to invite. I’ll think on what a guest list would look like for something like that, and if it’s enough people to not be a sad and pathetic demonstration of how few friends we have, then that might be the direction to head in!
I also really like this idea! I don’t think the VA people would get etiquette-butthurt over a facebook invite, because you’re right, they are (or at least WERE) our close friends!! My mom absolutely won’t know how to do that, but my dad or I can do it for her. I already know her facebook password since I’m the one that set up the account, haha 🙂
Post # 10
this isn’t a terrible idea either. What I should probably do is email my old Maid/Matron of Honor (one of the VA friends) and see what she thinks. She’s so damn sweet that she’ll probably take the idea and run forever with it!
Post # 11
@iarebridezilla: We never took anything home or opened up anything baby related before the kids came home from the hospital. Never had a baby shower, because I’m not big on soliciting gifts in any form. The truth is that babies don’t need much when they first come home. There are only a few things that you will need right away and if someone sends you a duplicate later on, just exchange the thing.
Etiquette-wise, I wouldn’t allow an immediate family member to host a shower for me since that’s like asking for presents for your own. But if one of your mom’s friends or your friends wanted to do it,and you think it would be nice, just go and have fun. In no way is it a sad and pathetic demonstration. Everyone knows you’ve just moved!
Totally disagree with the advice to invite people from VA to a shower in Seattle or to make a blanket FB invite to a shower out west. Not cool and absolutely reeks of gift grabbiness.
Post # 12
Yes, this. Co-ed fun with good food and drinks. Our friends did this and it was really nice.
Post # 13
I like @beachbride1216 idea! It’s co-ed, there is beer, and presents! Win for everyone