(Closed) Mom is blackmailing me for a wedding cake!

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’d cancel and go with your original plan. Tell mom to keep her money.

Post # 3
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’d tell her that you didn’t realize that the gift came with strings and that you love her but that you are no longer interested. I’d tell her I was giving her back everything she gave you and tell her that you will pay for it yourself the way you originally planned as this is turning into the opposite of what you wanted and is making you miserable. She will either take it all back (allowing you to do what you wanted in the first place) or back off and give you more freedom. Either way sounds better than what you are going through.

Post # 4
916 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
cantwait2bwong :  Have the wedding you can afford. Say no to the money, and do a small vegas wedding. You will be happier in the long run. And you shouldn’t resent your Fiance, for what your mother is doing. 

Post # 5
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
cantwait2bwong :  How were you planning on paying for the move if your Mom hadn’t given you the $10,000 (from which you hope to pay for the move)?

Money often comes with strings attached. If you are not happy, cancel your plans, return what you can for refunds, sell the rest and pay your Mom back the balance.

Post # 6
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

This is really a crummy situation but unfortunately things like this happen sometimes when you get other people involved. While I’m sure some parents do give their children large sums to put towards their weddings however they please, the sad truth is that most of the time there are stipulations like the ones you mentioned. In this case, it’s hard for me to feel sorry for you when you were aware of your mothers manipulative attitude BEFORE accepting the money. 

Post # 7
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Cancel everything and elope. 

Post # 8
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
cantwait2bwong :  Can you move money around anywhere else and get cheaper options to save money? If she wants a cake, get your donut cake and go buy a small cake from a bakery and you should still be on track with your budget.

Post # 9
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
cantwait2bwong :  What do you mean, you need that money to move?  You were already moving when she offered you this gifted cash.  How exactly were you going to pay for that move, otherwise?  Frankly, when you take money for a wedding, the person giving you the money gets a say.  Unfortunately, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too…

Post # 10
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m sorry to break this to you but this is normal behavior from parents who pay for your wedding. It’s infuriating for the bride but it is socially acceptable because parents are considered the hosts if they contribute money so what you do reflects on them. 

My Dad paid for half of our wedding so I needed to run everything by him. We mostly agreed on things so it was no big deal, but we had one major disagreement. He insisted on a buffet even though I’m sure most guests will agree with me that plated dinners are more pleasant because my Dad happens to love buffets. His favorite restaurants are German hofbraus and English inns with carving stations, followed by those Asian all you can eat seafood buffets. So I had a buffet against my personal preference. Thankfully none of my guests complained about it. 

The only thing you can do besides endure is refuse your mom’s money, which I would have done immediately after she offered (DH did this with his mom because she’s fussy about things that don’t matter and manipulative to boot), and reimburse her for any nonrefundabe items she’s purchased, then go have the low key affair that you wanted.

Sorry you’re going through this and you and your mom don’t see eye to eye!

Post # 14
6386 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
cantwait2bwong :  Please stop relying on your mother for money.  The move should be financed by you and your soon to be husband.  The more you rely on her, the more control she will have over you.  Because you still need her money, she sill still see you as a child.

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