(Closed) Mom is crying, again. Advice please!

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Maybe, let her read this post. I think she is losing sight of what is important here, the beginning of a marriage, and not just a big party.

Post # 4
Member
30400 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

First thing- you did not MAKE your mother cry. She is an adult and chooses to try to manipulate you with tears.

As she is  your mother, you have done the respectful thing by including her and asking her opinion and input. That is not a guarantee that you will make the same choices as she would.

It us time for her to act like an adult and accept your decisions.

 

Post # 5
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@fvsoccer: Just keep commincating with her & let her see your point of view!

Post # 6
Member
7321 posts
Busy Beekeeper

This is going to sound dumb, but is she possibly beginning menopause? I swear my mother cries a LOT more now that she’s getting to be that age.

Post # 7
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What you just said in your post might make her feel better. FWIW, I don’t think it sounds like she’s trying to manipulate you. Weddings can just be a really emotional time.

Also, I don’t think you should take stuff away from her, like doing the flowers. I think that would probably make her feel worse. And maybe, if you talk to her about this, you should remind her of some of the contributions she’s made. Not in a “You’re being unreasonable, I am using your ideas!” way but in a “I love your idea for the flowers, it is going to make our centerpieces so much better! Thanks mom!” way. (Not that you’d ever do the first, unless you are like me, in which case, you put your foot in your mouth pretty often and say things in a way that make people feel worse even though you meant to make them feel better.)

Post # 8
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s like we have the exact same mom! Whenever I don’t agree with every single idea she has, she gets upset, but she never takes into account that I appreciate that she brought it up and we talked about it or all of the ideas of hers that I have used. It’s like when I go with what she wants, it’s ‘normal’ and when I don’t, it’s a disaster and I’m doing the wrong thing and I never listen to her, etc.

What I did was give my mom a big project to do: invitations. She got to design, make, address, finalize and mail the invitations pretty much all by herself. Because she had so much control over a major thing and had all that work to do, I was able to do other things and make other decisions while she was busy. I think doing this with your mom and the flowers may help you out.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Jenniferk6:

View original reply
@fvsoccer:

Wow, this is totally what I’m going through with my mom right now, but instead she’s the one making me cry. When I ask her for her opinion on some of my ideas and she doesnt like it, she’ll make negative comments (because it’s how I want it and not the way she thinks it should be), and it stresses me out so much that I cry. For example, just last night I showed her the cake I had in mind and she said it was ugly and it’s a once in a lifetime affair and I should get something better, it just pissed me off. IT’S JUST A FREAKIN CAKE!! I dont know, maybe I’m just being sensitive.

I feel like while everyone’s having problems with their FMIL’s, I’m here having problems with my own mother – and I’d like to add that we usually have a good relationship but once I got engaged and the whole wedding planning started, it’s been horrible.

But good to know you girls were able to sort things out with your mothers. I’m still trying to figure out how to desensitize myself from her comments.

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