Post # 1
I should have known better than to even ask her but….
this afternoon i made appointments on saturday to see two folks near my venue. One is the photographer i am hoping to get. shes awesome (once i book my date i will put her name here but not until then LOL HAHAHHAA)and hoping her full book is as good as i have seen thusfar.
and the other is a woman i am hoping to be my day of wedding coordinator. my whole reasoning is that the venue that the ceremony is at is very very strict and theres a small time window that the ceremony has to be done in and there are lots of things that i dont want to have to worry about, or have my family worry about. i was actually excited about it since im not located in the area where the wedding will be and she would also be able to help out with vendor meetings or any snafus that would come up and probably have good suggestions for ceremony musicians, cakemakers etc.
anyway i sent an email to my mom and sister (MOH) to see if they wanted to tag along to the meetings.
my mom’s response is “that much for a coordinator is OUT OF THE QUESTION. we can spend that money elsewhere, me and your aunt can take care of it”
this kinda pisses me off. one, i was planning on paying for it, didnt even ask her to pay for it. two, *i* want a coordinator because so far, its been so annoying trying to explain to her what i want and how its “not weird” but in fact actually pretty common and having to fight and defend all my choices. and three, i have a fear that no matter what i ask for, when the day comes they will do waht THEY want not what I want, and i wont have any say about it. hence the coordinator.
but the biggest thing was her “out of the question” statement. i mean wtf? really? not “maybe we can work out somethign that we dont have to spend that money on that but instead this” or “do you think thats a wise thing to do” even i would have respected. but that was rather nasty of her. i really cant get over it.
the second part of this is that my sister, the Maid/Matron of Honor is so underwhelmed about the whole wedding. its really depressing. its like she doesnt even care. i send her emails and she never responds. its just making me so eh. about wanting to plan the wedding at all with them. *pout*
i swear the women at my office are more excited about wedding planning than my own family.
Post # 3
First- my co-workers are WAY more into my wedding then any of my BMs, including my sister the MOH! I am almost to the point of firing all of our wedding party (problems on FI’s side too) and just us going solo. Also, we here at WB at excited for you! 😀 Don’t let those who are underwhelmed get to you.
Second- That is pretty harsh of your mom. In her defense, maybe she is having money issues, or is worried about the cost of the wedding (is she paying for everything or almost everything?)? I agree she ought to have come across in a much different manner, but sometimes people don’t think, thye just gut reaction spew forth. Ya know? Maybe talk to her about how the way she said it and the way she came across hurt you.
(P.S. If I could afford a DOC, I would totally go for it! I hear they make the day so much less stressful!)
Post # 4
Thanks rabbit – my parents are paying for a good chunk (i.e. the reception venue, food, and my dress and accessories) but they arent doing it alone. FH and i are paying for a good chunk too. And i think what made me most angry is that its my money and its something i wanted to do to make my day less stressfull – im OCD i know how i am. lol
i figure i will sleep on it before i call her and find out what the dilly-yo is that way i wont say anything mean. *sigh*
and if it was up to me i would have 3 bridesmaids cutting out the folks who seem to not give a rats patoot. but im having 5, mostly so my FH side doesnt look so lopsided (he wanted 9 i got him down to 7 LOL!!!)
Post # 5
if it was me i would be talking up to your mum that you want her to enjoy your wedding day and not have to deal with any extra work but to enjoy the event and spend her time seeing friends and family instead of running around wondering if things are happening on time…. because you already know its only going to cause you grief and where you can hold a hired professional up to a expected level of expectation, dear old mum isnt going to cut it
Post # 6
Man, I can totally relate. MY Fiance and I live several hundred miles from our hometown where our wedding will be, so as soon as we got engaged I decided I wanted a coordinator to make the planning easier… but I got the SAME response. Sort of like “I won’t pay for any of it if you do that to me.”
I think something important to keep in mind is how important you wedding is to your mom. I didn’t realize how hurt and offended she was…. like she thought I meant that she isn’t capable of helping with the wedding enough, so I needed to hire help. It was ridiculous and let me tell you that every time I’m struggling with something when it comes to planning I really WISH I did have a coordinator.
Hang in there and try to remember that it’s your day and your opinion/sanity are the most important. But also make sure that your mom knows you are doing things the way you need them to be, you’re not trying to offend her.
And I’m sorry about your sister… maybe try giving her some responsibilities, or go on theknot.com and send her some articles about Maid/Matron of Honor duties. My Maid/Matron of Honor got really into everything when I let her know what she needed to do.
Post # 7
I think your mom was offended. Plus DOCs are a relatively new phenomenon, she may not realize how common it is. That said, how frustrating! Maybe you can try to re-phrase it like, “Oh I don’t want you and Aunt X feeling pressured on the day–I’ll be paying and it will be great for both of us!”
Post # 8
Remember you have WB and a DOC is a great idea. I would have one if I could afford it or if i could find a decent wedding coordinator were i live. Fat chance on that one!
My mum is a bit controlling when it comes to big decisions. She says she doesnt want to be stressed but when it comes to issues of me booking things she wants to be right in there and stresses herself out!
I dont think you can either way. What would worry me if my mum said that “me and my aunt would do it” is that i would have a mixture of 1980s wedding and modern. my aunt and mum have totally differant tastes or logic.
So good luck with it! I think there are some things you should insist upon and its your right as the bride, without being rude about it.
as for the sister.. tell her how you feel, cant hurt sometimes! she may not realise shes doing it!
Post # 9
we had a meeting with the DOC this past weekend – i had her explain to them what DOC’s do – and you could tell from the meeting they werent even listening to her which really pisses me off – at least give her a chance.
i try to explain to them that i would rather have my family members relaxed the day of hanging with me doing pictures etc before the event, not running around taking care of last minute things like oops we forgot to buy 10 vases instead of 9 so go get one now…etc.
hopefully i can convince her to get on board – either way though im paying for it so i might go ahead and hire her and just not tell mom til the day before lol
and my sister is well aware of what Maid/Matron of Honor do – believe me, i was her Maid/Matron of Honor and got lots of “direction”. shes just “underwhelmed” and its frustrating.
Post # 10
I would make sure your mom knows that it is something that you are paying for and something you are doing to help her out. Hire the DOC! My mom and I are in the same dilemma of her just trying to do everything her way. I really wish we had an in between!