(Closed) Mom is driving me nuts and my sister is indifferent

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First- my co-workers are WAY more into my wedding then any of my BMs, including my sister the MOH! I am almost to the point of firing all of our wedding party (problems on FI’s side too) and just us going solo. Also, we here at WB at excited for you! 😀 Don’t let those who are underwhelmed get to you.

Second- That is pretty harsh of your mom. In her defense, maybe she is having money issues, or is worried about the cost of the wedding (is she paying for everything or almost everything?)? I agree she ought to have come across in a much different manner, but sometimes people don’t think, thye just gut reaction spew forth. Ya know? Maybe talk to her about how the way she said it and the way she came across hurt you.

Good luck!

(P.S. If I could afford a DOC, I would totally go for it! I hear they make the day so much less stressful!)

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

if it was me i would be talking up to your mum that you want her to enjoy your wedding day and not have to deal with any extra work but to enjoy the event and spend her time seeing friends and family instead of running around wondering if things are happening on time…. because you already know its only going to cause you grief and where you can hold a hired professional up to a expected level of expectation, dear old mum isnt going to cut it

goodluck!

 

Post # 6
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Man, I can totally relate.  MY Fiance and I live several hundred miles from our hometown where our wedding will be, so as soon as we got engaged I decided I wanted a coordinator to make the planning easier… but I got the SAME response.  Sort of like “I won’t pay for any of it if you do that to me.”  

I think something important to keep in mind is how important you wedding is to your mom.  I didn’t realize how hurt and offended she was…. like she thought I meant that she isn’t capable of helping with the wedding enough, so I needed to hire help.  It was ridiculous and let me tell you that every time I’m struggling with something when it comes to planning I really WISH I did have a coordinator.  

Hang in there and try to remember that it’s your day and your opinion/sanity are the most important.  But also make sure that your mom knows you are doing things the way you need them to be, you’re not trying to offend her.

And I’m sorry about your sister… maybe try giving her some responsibilities, or go on theknot.com and send her some articles about Maid/Matron of Honor duties.  My Maid/Matron of Honor got really into everything when I let her know what she needed to do.  

Post # 7
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think your mom was offended. Plus DOCs are a relatively new phenomenon, she may not realize how common it is. That said, how frustrating! Maybe you can try to re-phrase it like, “Oh I don’t want you and Aunt X feeling pressured on the day–I’ll be paying and it will be great for both of us!”

Post # 8
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

oh dear.

Remember you have WB and a DOC is a great idea. I would have one if I could afford it or if i could find a decent wedding coordinator were i live. Fat chance on that one!

My mum is a bit controlling when it comes to big decisions. She says she doesnt want to be stressed but when it comes to issues of me booking things she wants to be right in there and stresses herself out!

I dont think you can either way. What would worry me if my mum said that “me and my aunt would do it” is that i would have a mixture of 1980s wedding and modern. my aunt and mum have totally differant tastes or logic.

So good luck with it! I think there are some things you should insist upon and its your right as the bride, without being rude about it.

as for the sister.. tell her how you feel, cant hurt sometimes! she may not realise shes doing it!

Post # 10
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would make sure your mom knows that it is something that you are paying for and something you are doing to help her out.  Hire the DOC!  My mom and I are in the same dilemma of her just trying to do everything her way.  I really wish we had an in between! 

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