Post # 1
I love my mom dearly, because she’s starting to truly drive me crazy. A slight back story on this whole issue, is that my parents are both TERRIBLE with money and are in no position to help me out financially with the wedding. Which was complete fine with me, AT FIRST. Then her and my dad started freaking out on me about every single detail of the wedding. I sent Save-The-Date Cards to them and include four for their friends, meaning for their 4 closest couple friends- 8 people total. Well, they took it upon themselves to make copies and give them to extra people. I called them and politely asked them to stop inviting people, because my fiance and I are paying this for ourselves and have a really tight budget. This ended in my mom calling me about a million names, hanging up on me and not answering my calls for weeks.
Today, I find out from my brother she flipped out over my invitations. I told her I looked up the ettiquette on the wording and based on space on the invitation and who was hosting (my fiance and I) we were going to word the invites “together with their parents”. Well she seems to think it’s an unspoken rule that I must include “daughter of so-so” “son of so-so” after their names, and I’m publicly offending her in front of everyone.
Am I wrong to think that since I’m paying for this thing I can limit the amount of friends she’s inviting because I can’t afford it and choose my invitation wordings without coming off like some insensitve bridezilla? I truly have no clue what to do right now.
Post # 3
I dont think you are wrong and it was totally fair for you to give your parents a certain amount of guests they could invite. Dont budge on the extra guest thing, but maybe include your mom in the planning a little more so she wont feel left out and maybe she will calm down a little.
Post # 4
Oy, sounds exactly like stuff I deal with. I would say that it is best to try to manage her expectations far enough in advance that these kinds of things won’t be stressful. Continue to share the cost breakdown with her as often as possible so she will see that you are not being difficult.
I think you worded the invitation right, but maybe she is feeling embarassed because she wishes she could help? Try sitting her down and explaining that you are not being malicious. Show her all the numerous examples on the internet of invitaions worded the way you have chosen so she will see that it is typical and not at all out of the ordinary.
Post # 5
When people think something is only right, or tradition, its tough to change their minds. Maybe you can show her examples of other invites like that from google images. It might make her realize, even just a little bit, that you arent humiliating her.
Remind her that her name will be on the program! Maybe that will help too.
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice everyone! This has really been upsetting for me, because I don’t want to hurt my mom in any way. @plantains- that’s exactly what I was thinking- maybe she wants to help but knows she can’t and I’m trying to be sensitive about it but still stand my ground on what I want. My fiance’s parents are actually chipping in with the costs and are really traditional and were fine with the invitations so I thought my mom would be too.
If anyone would have told me I’d be arguing with my mom over a piece of paper and a guest list, I would have eloped lol This wedding stuff can really take on a life of its own sometimes.