Post # 1
My bridesmaid/relative is gay. I told my mom, who said it was obvious. My mom has been so supportive through everything, but tonight told me if I was gay, she’s sorry I feel that she would back me up because she wouldn’t, and also that I AM INCONSIDERATE for thinking that she would be able to ignore the fact that my bridemaid is bringing her girlfriend to my wedding (just like the SO of everyo other member of the wedding party) and has spent 2 hours telling meshe’s hurt that I didn’t tell her sooner and also that I actually am letting them show up to the wedding/be involved and that I’m a huge bitch for even letting them show up. I’m hysterically crying and don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
@InATizzy: Im sorry, but your mom is acting absolutely ridiculous and childish. Why do they not deserve to be treated with respect like any other guest of your wedding? Big hugs girl, there’s not much you can do about the way she feels but you can definately be the bigger person and ignore her and her comments. I’m sorry, but I honestly have no patience for ignorance, its the 21st century. My best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor is gay and is absolutely welcome to bring her girlfriend to my wedding. She makes her happy and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Post # 4
That’s pretty insensitive of your mom. :/
If you love this girl, have her in your bridal party anyway.
My best friend of seven years told me a month after I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor that she was in a relationship with a woman (a total shock to me, since during the course of our very close friendship she has always been very very into boys. she also told me she doesn’t think she’s a lesbian and that if anything ever happened she probably would never date another woman, but that’s another story.).
We both come from very conservative Christian families, and I think she had been afraid to tell me before because she was afraid of what I would think. While I think she understands that I don’t necessarily approve of her relationship, I of course still love her like a sister and still want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.
She isn’t, however, bringing her SO to my wedding, but I only met her girlfriend once and they haven’t been together long so it kind of makes more sense than if we were all good friends.
Post # 5
Tell her to gtf over it. Tell her that she is being rude, disrespectful, and Inconsiderate of you for even voicing her objections tell her YES I EXPECT you to if not be polite, at least be civil and considerate of your Friends. If she doesn’t like it, tell her to ignore them
Post # 6
I’m really mostly upset because her initial reaction was basically “well didn’t we always assume this?” and then she turned it on me, saying that she felt bad I didn’t think I would tell her, and then that I’m a horrible person for letting her girlfriend attend and I’m not considering my family. I’m sorry, I thought my wedding was about my soon to be husband and I, not someone’s date. AND she said that I should expect it to be a huge coming out party and that my Bridesmaid or Best Man i is inconsiderate for bringing her girlfriend and basically stealing the spotlight.
I’m so upset.The first few minutes after telling her, it was fine. Then she totally went off on me for me for being a “gay lover”.
Post # 8
Thats so Wrong, Things aren’t just black and white! I’m sorry but some people are just too closed minded. The world is much biger that some people see it. You do what makes you feel good inside dont worry about all the closed minded ones!
Post # 9
Wow, reading that makes me so angry. I can’t believe some people are still so prejudice and small sighted. Do your thing, invite your friend and her girlfriend, and let your mom be mad about it. Honestly it sounds like she is manipulating you for some reason that probably has nothing to do with the actual sittuation. Does she do this a lot? My friend’s mom will randomly get upset and push all my friend’s buttons just to make her cry and feel bad about herself. I hate that she does that, but that’s their relationship. The LGBTQ community still faces so much hate and discrimination and ignorance, we can’t let people be bullies, we have to support and stand up for our friends and loved ones.
Post # 10
I would tell my mother that if it offended her that much she doesn’t have to go. I’m sorry but can you imagine her having the nerve to say such things if she was referring to a couple of a different race? It’s disgusting!
Post # 11
Oh I just hate things like this. It happened to me when I was getting married too. I just ignored my mom, did what I wanted, and she had to deal with it. It ended up being fine 🙂 don’t listen to her. It’s YOUR wedding, don’t let her take it from you.
Post # 12
Wow. What a hateful bigot she is! Just ignore her. Your wedding is not going to become a three-ring circus just because you have a gay bridesmaid.
Post # 13
Weddings are about love, not hate. She can either suck it up or not show up. Those are her choices.
Stay strong – you ARE doing the right thing, I promise. xo
Post # 14
… there is a long answer here, involving acceptance, and emotions, and fluffy bunnies etc.
Unfortunately, it is late, and I am cranky and grumpy. Therefore I will suggest the short answer. The short answer is as follows:
Tell your Mum to “**** off” as politely as possible.
You are a grown woman. So is she. She doees not get to dictate how you behave, and you are under no obligation to share her prejudices. I know that wedding planning is tough, but at some stage then everyone on the Bee will be faced with the difficult situation where they have to tell one of their nearest and dearest to go **** themselves. This is your situation, and you are in the right. It’s your wedding, nobody else’s. Stand your ground and good luck!
Post # 15
Taking the gay issue out of it, your mom doesn’t get to dictate who comes to your wedding. Second unless this couple planned on sex on the dance floor in the middle of your reception it none anyones business what their sexual orientation is. I have quite a bit of gay friends, one gay cousin. I plan on letting all of my family the ones that made their bigotry clear that if that can’t mind their own business and keep their mouths shut then they needed come to wedding.
My cousin had this issue as her brother is gay, and her mother didn’t want him to be a part of the wedding ceremony. Mind you the Priest who was marrying them never brought it up or mentioned it as he knows this brother is gay. While there was big to do about it, I’m surprised by how well him and his partner were treated day of for once, when they been all types of “jokes” made by unlces previously. So hopeful on day of your mom would be happy so she wouldn’t make a big deal or notice.
I would tell your mother to grow up(in a nicer way of course) and that she doesn’t get to treat family members or anyone like a second class citizen. Let her know youir cousins coming isn’t up for debate.
Post # 16
@TwoCityBride: off topic, isn’t that always the case with adult bigots, though? They say a lot of things but never directly to the victims….the chickens. Oy. And I totally agree with your post.