Post # 1
My mom was 110 lbs when she was married. She was skinny her whole life, even after having my older sister, but when I came along, she never lost the weight from that pregnancy. She is unhappy with her weight, despite everything she is doing to drop the lbs, and I am ALWAYS encouraging and positive because I think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world 🙂
Anyway, every MOB dress we have looked at, she says “I’m too fat for that.” I know she isn’t, she’s just really down on herself. But then she says “I don’t want to look at (MOB) dresses anymore” and moves on. I’m afraid she will NEVER find anything she likes… but as it gets closer to the wedding, I don’t want to have to look for something for her last minute because she keeps putting it off!
She keeps saying she is going to try to lose weight before my wedding, and I believe her, but how can I make her feel comfortable about at least LOOKING at MOB dresses in the meantime? I want her to feel beautiful on my wedding day too… the last thing I’d want is for her to be uncomfortable about how she looks.
She keeps saying she wants a black dress (because it hides flaws the best) and something that’s not tight on the stomach. But she doesn’t want it to make her look old (and we all know that there are some horrifying MOB dresses out there!). Anyone know of any great websites for MOB dresses that don’t make mom look “old?” She has pretty good fashion sense for a 50 year old… I think she gets it from her daughters 😉 JK.
I want to make her feel more comfortable looking at dresses. I’d like to show her some ideas I think are cute… something I think she’d enjoy. Any advice or recommendations on websites/designers, or even how to make my mom feel beautiful!, would be great 🙂
Post # 3
your wedding is in a year and a half…i think you can wait to find a MOB dress.
Post # 4
Maybe just take her on a normal shopping trip,no MOB dresses involved,and encourage her to try loads of stuff on and that way she might get used to enjoying the experience and have fun trying new styles,and you get an idea of what she likes to wear and what shes comfortable in. Just an idea,I hope it helps!
Post # 5
After a disapointing search at 2 bridal salons, I encouraged my mom to order some dresses online from department stores (so she could return them in person) and try them on at home. My mom is the same as yours, grew up skinny until she had children and always trying to lose weight. Starting early is a good idea, especially if she’s shopping off the rack where you’ll need to consider seasons. My mom had a dress from Nordstrom’s and was able to exchange it for a smaller size when she lost a bit of weight. Ultimately, she liked that dress but didn’t love it and then she found a dress she loved once she had given up shopping. In the end, she was comfortable in her dress and looked great. My advice is to not put pressure on her but maybe send her some suggestions via email or encourage her to try dresses on at home where she can get multiple opinions and not feel rushed. I would discourage her from wearing all black and suggest a dark color which coordinates with your wedding.
Post # 6
Give her a break and drop the pressure. You have a year and a half until the wedding. I guarantee there will still be suitable dresses out there. She is an adult and can be responsible for finding her dress when the time is ready for her.
Post # 7
I wonder if her hormones are working against her, ie perimenopause or actual meno?
Trust me when I say it can be danged near impossible to lose weight once those hormones go wacko on you.
I’d hold off on the dress for now, you have time & maybe mom can find a way to work on her weight with a doctor if it’s bothering her.
Post # 8
I feel bad for her. I feel like we’ve all been in her shoes. Even with wedding dresses. It can get very frustrating. Don’t push her, it takes time. Plus your date is sooo far in advance she may want to do something about it and plan on losing any weight that bothers her. She has plenty of time, I know you are excited, but she probably needs time.
Also, keep in mind that brides don’t even get a fitting until 2 months before a wedding. She has plenty of time for a MOB dress. Why buy a dress now?
Post # 9
My mom is exactly the same! Shortly after I got engaged we joined the YMCA together and we work out 2-3 times a week…together. She’s lost about 15 lbs so far and the whole working out thing has done wonders for her confidence. I know there really is no easy way to bring it up, but maybe you guys could start a workout routine together? If she’s working out and having fun mother-daughter bonding time, she might get more confidence in herself.
Post # 10
I agree with @sassy411: She could be going through some early hormonal changes. I can sympathize with her, if she is, because I too am going through this. She needs to see a doctor to know for sure. She will feel better about herself, if she actually knows what is going on with her body. Also, have her look into a product called Macafem; it is a natural supplement that supports Hormoal Balance. I just started taking it a couple of weeks ago, and it has helped me a lot.
Post # 11
My mom was having the hardest time looking for a dress she liked. We looked at at least 8 stores and still no luck. She didn’t want to order anything online but was getting annoyed with some of the prices at the MOB boutiques (3k for a mob gown? Uh no thank you!). We ended up at a small store which catered to bigger women and we found the perfect dress right off the rack, for under 300.
Just to put this story in perspective, we started looking in Oct. And she bought her gown 2 weeks ago! You have time don’t let the sales women pressure you or your mom! Good luck
Post # 12
My mom wanted to wait to lose weight before she got a MOB dress, but then she just got some spanx instead!
Post # 13
You have plenty of time to look got MOB dresses. I would drop the issue and let her focus on losing the weight if thats really what she wants to go. If you start looking for MOB dresses this time next year, you’ll have plenty of time to find something and maybe by that time, she’ll feel more comfortable in her own skin. My mom hasn’t even really started looking for dresses for my Oct 2011 wedding.
Post # 14
I think some of you jumped to conclusions too quickly! Just want to clear this up a bit…
Many of you totally got the wrong impression from my post. I have not once put ANY bit of pressure on my mom to look at or try on dresses or “pushed” her to look at dresses in the least bit! She has walked over to the MOB dress racks all on her own and has started to look through dresses as we are leaving a bridal shop or something. I have never brought it up first or pushed her to look at any or try any on – that was all her. If she goes over to the racks & starts to look at MOB dresses, I will go with her and show her a couple of my favorites, but not once have I rushed her in ANY way. She worries a lot, and I think she’s worried she’ll never find anything she likes so SHE is the one who is starting to look!
Trust me, I know I have a LOT of time before my wedding. Heck, I haven’t even found my dress, my bridesmaids dresses, flowers, invites or cake yet! The only things that I have ready are the venues, photographer & my fiance, so I definitely have not pushed her at all. I love my mom very much and respect her – I know better than to push her to do something if she feels uncomfortable.
All I was asking was for any suggestions to help her feel more comfortable when the time does come. It makes me extremely sad to hear those words from her, and although I comfort her & do my best to help her realize she’s beautiful, I can see that she is absolutely dreading the day that we DO go look for MOB dresses and I want to make sure that day, whenever it may be, is FUN for her and that she enjoys herself. I don’t want her to dread that day – wedding planning should be fun for all of us, not scary.
Sorry if I gave you the impression that finding a MOB dress is a top priority & that I was putting a lot of pressure on my mom to try on dresses now, but I definitely am not that kind of girl. I will be ready whenever SHE is ready, and I’ll let her make that determination.
Post # 15
I’m very aware that I have a lot of time before my wedding, thank you.
I think you both may have taken this the wrong way. I have not put ANY pressure whatsoever on my mom to find a dress – not once! Please read my most recent post. I am not a selfish person and I am definitely not pushing her at ALL. I know my mom is an adult, as am I, and I know she can – and will – make decisions for herself. I just want her experience – whenever that time may come! – to be fun and exciting, not dreadful.
I am the first of my siblings – her children – to be married, so I want to make this just as special of a day for her as it will be for me.
Post # 16
Your mom sounds very much like my mom. My mom was 113 lbs when she got married, was skinny all her life even after she had my sister and I. As soon as the change of life hit her, she started to gain weight. She joined a gym and has been going 5 days as week for the past 3-4 years (she is 66 years old). She looks fabulous for her age, but is still conscientious about her weight. When I had asked her to try on some gowns, I had to beg her for 10 minutes. Once I got her to try on one gown, i started pulling other gowns off the rack and having her try them on. I told her that she didn’t have to come out of the dressing room just give me a yell and I would come in and take a look. I told her that I didn’t care what she looked like I wanted her to get an idea of color and style. FINALLY she hunted around some boutiques and found her dress. She is absolutely thrilled and is more motivated to get into shape.
I know exactly how you feel, and your post didn’t sound like you were pushing your mom into buying a dress. I think as long as you keep her spirits positive and you both can make the experience looking for a gown fun, she will feel more comfortable. I told my mom that even if/when she loses weight, they can always take the gown in. I think she was stressed because the gowns she was looking at were more for the grandmother of the bride, and she was having a hard time finding one that was more her taste.
My suggestion to you when your mom is ready to get her gown. Stick to the specialty dress shops. The sales people are more helpful in telling you what looks good for your body type/shape etc than the sales people at the mall are.