Post # 1
Let me preface this with the fact that my mom and I have always had a strained relationship. She just never seems to approve of what I’m doing and always disagrees with anything I say since I can remember. I don’t know what it’s about and I hated it as a teen, and now over the last few years I just have come to accept it as her chosen attitude in life…
She told me upfront that she didn’t want to be involved in my wedding planning or dress shopping or anything, just to tell her when it was and she’d be there. She loves my Fiance so that’s not an issue…in fact everytime she sees him she thanks him like he’s doing her a favor for marrying me. He thinks my mom is weird but just shrugs it off and tells me not to worry about her.
I only see her once or twice a year since she lives out of state, and I talk to her briefly on the phone once every month or two. As far as the wedding, I’ve only been bringing it up when I need something only she can help with like family member addresses. I’ve been doing all the wedding stuff myself with the help of Fiance and all of you on Weddingbee..
Still, tonight on the phone I had this one moment where I was feeling sentimental and I said that I couldn’t believe this relationship had come out of nowhere into my life a few years ago, and now we’re planning a wedding, and at this time next year it will have already happened… I don’t know why I hoped/expected her to also feel sentimental about this milestone, but instead she said “yeah, it’s like the election, something everyone’s sick of hearing about”. It was a bummer. I know it’s futile to dwell on this, but I always do just for a while… Thanks for listening…
Post # 3
@waitingwonderland: Wow, if my mom said that to me, I’d be seriously hurt, too. I’m sorry she’s not excited for you at all. I don’t have much advice to give except that she’ll probably regret not being more involved after the fact. I’m sorry. 🙁
Post # 4
My mom doesn’t really believe in marriage, and while she doesn’t say such tactless things, I understand the want to talk to your ‘mommy’ about something so exciting and wonderful in your life, but not really have the chance to do so.
I just don’t, that’s how I have dealt with it. I don’t call her about anything to do with the wedding, if she asks I tell her, and she is excited about getting her own dress and that kind of stuff so occassionally we chat about it. But she won’t ever be gushing over it or anything to do with it, she wasn’t at my first wedding either. I’ve learned that I have to be ok with that, and I am.
You need to focus elsewhere. Is there someone who IS excited? Is his mom excited? Do you have another family member you can call or a good friend you can say these things to? I think you need to take a step back and realize that no matter what you tell her, you’re either going to get no response or one that you don’t want to hear. Save yourself the pain and heartache and come tell us about it instead.
Post # 5
I’m sorry your mom is being such a bummer. Anybody would be hurt by her behaviour. Do your best to ignore her comments and confide in someone who is excited for you.
Post # 6
@waitingwonderland: Aw *hugs* that sucks. My mom hasn’t been quite as outright rude, but she’ll say stuff like weddings are a waste of $$ and eloping is the best idea, and she’s done with kids so doesn’t want to babysit future grandkids etc.
I dunno, she is good in many ways but it still makes me a little sad. Oh well!