Post # 1
So for the past about 2 months I have been trying to get my mom to come see me in my wedding dress. Everytime she is in town, she doesn’t want to go.
I’m getting tired of asking and just thinking of buy the dress. The only problem is my mom plans on helping me buy it and I feel she should see what she is buying before she acutally buys the thing.
Lately, it just wants to make me cry.
Opinions or suggestions or just letting me vent a little is great.
Post # 3
Is it a really expensive dress? Maybe she doesn’t have the money and doesn’t want to tell you that she can’t pay for it?
Post # 4
I think livvie could be on to something…
but from personal experience with my mom… some moms just aren’t interested. My mother is not very sentimental, and while she loves my fiance… She’s indifferent to my marrying. It’s just how my mom is… some women don’t get excited about weddings (I am one of them). I bought my dress off of ebay, but did not tell my mother. The same week I got my dress I went dress shopping with my mother which was totally frustrating for her (sales people sucked and we couldn’t find anything we liked). When we got home I showed her my dress and she was happy and suprised. Do you think maybe your mom wanted to shop with you? Not just try on the dress you think is the one.. but shop shop- I’m talking 100 dresses in a six hour span?
My mom is not sentimental… but I know the experience of dress shopping is something she enjoyed, and t would have ruined it for her a little is she would have known I alreay had a dress.
Don’t get upset… lure her out on a shopping trip. Make the shopping trip about her if you have to (she is the Mother of the Bride)- and spring it on her.
Post # 5
When I originally went dress shopping she was supposed to come but I told her due to gas and having to work the next day not to come if she didn’t want to. (She lives in Council Bluffs and I live in Des Moines and planned on a not so busy week night)
She called me the night before and said since they change their (mom and step-dads) visiting weekend and we were going camping she wasn’t coming up for it and take lots of pictures. She has seen the pictures but I thought seeing it in person would be more ideal.
I don’t plan on buying the dress any time soon (not til Oct/Nov-ish). So I have time to save for as much as I can afford and mom was helping with the rest when it came up. She saved about $2000 to help us out with the wedding if we needed it.
Maureen9004 – I just don’t think she is all into it but she lets me ramble and talk all the time. It furstrates me that she lets me ramble etc about wedding stuff but doesn’t want to see the dress. Maybe she just wants to be surprised.
I’m her oldest daughter and only one who will be getting married anytime soon….plus my two sisters seem to dislike my mom for some reason and they probably won’t be speaking to her still when they get married. I want her to be able to enjoy and cherish it. It just seems like she can’t or doesn’t want to.
I don’t know. *sniffle*
Post # 6
maybe she is sad to see you getting married of and feels that seeing you in the dress will only make it all the more "real" for her. I think this was kind of the case for my mom when we first started looking at dresses, she was excited and came along but also a little negative. So, when I talked to her about it, she kinda’ burst into teard about me being her baby (i am the youngest of three girls) and getting married and leaving her and all that good stuff. haha. it was really cute. maybe you can have a heart ot heart with her – especially if you are her first to get married and your other sisters seem to "dislike" her – it can be an attachment thing? just a thought. good luck!
Post # 7
I’ve mentioned it before. Always the same answer "I want to see you in the dress, we can do it next time I’m in town"….
Then next time roles around and she doesn’t want to. I think I’ll stop asking until is closer to the date I want to purchase it. Bring up the fact that I’m buying the dress in X amount of days and after that no one but me and who alters it will see it before the wedding and she would have to wait.
Kind of leave it in her court instead of going: I’m going this day are you coming or not? (sounds childish).
Post # 8
Aww that makes me feel so bad for you. My mom was so excited about my dress. I ordered it online and the day I got it I had to go to work right after and didn’t get home until late and she wanted to see it on someone so bad she almost got my sister to put it on! I didn’t get home until 11 and she was like "GO GET YOUR DRESS!" so I feel for you that you dont think your mom is interested. Give her the deadline.. make her understand that the wedding dress is one of the most important aspects of the wedding!
Post # 9
I’m so sorry and totally understand where you’re coming from. I posted the other day about a crappy e-mail my mom sent me (sorry I can’t link it, so it’s at the bottom of my response). When we talked later about my dress fitting–which we’re flying all the way to Seattle for–she mentioned something about how she "probably won’t even be in there for the fitting." Huh?! I didn’t get it. And still don’t. Maybe our moms want us to feel like the decision is ours and they’re not pressuring us, or something? Or maybe your mom feels like the purchase date is so far in the future that she has plenty of time to see it. I think that may be more it–that she doesn’t know why she has to see it NOW instead of when you’re actually going to plunk down the money.
Have you had a friend or another close relative come see you in it? I know it’s not the same as having your mom, but maybe it would feel good to have someone else see how special it is.
Good luck and let us know what happens…
Post # 10
Could you take a photo of you in the dress and send it to her? I know most bridal shops won’t let you take photos, but if you tell them this is the only thing standing between you and buying the dress, and yo have a nice sales person, they will usually let you take a couple photos.
Post # 11
Originally, I went with my Maid/Matron of Honor and one of my BMs. Mom was supposed to come and then take my other two BMs to pick dresses later (which is a long story in itself). We took pictures of me in every dress I tried on.
When I found the one, I tried a couple more and then went back to it. Tried it on with the veil and tiara and took more pictures.
Here I am in it all the bells and whistles:
Post # 12
I would send her the picture – with a note that says how much you want her to see you in the dress before you pull the trigger and buy it – and since you seem to have trouble coordinating… etc.
I’m not sure what your mom’s deal is. My mom is super-interested in some details, and others she seems to care less. She is paying for a lot of our wedding, so I felt like she should have some input. But either she is hyper-interested, or it’s like "Sure, whatever, that’s very nice." Arrrrgh!! I guess I should be happy that she’s not one of the micro-managing moms, but it’s a little weird in its unpredictability. I would bet your mom is having some issues about you growing up and getting married, and just isn’t dealing with them in the best way (although perhaps not in the worst way either). Parents are only human too, strange as that may seem.
Post # 13
I originally sent her the pictures of all the dresses I tried on and opinions about them.
Then send my top 3 in a second email to see what she thought.
She kinda picks on me about the dress cause she says the skirt looks like merigue or something but loves the beading on top.
Update is: I talked to her and asked why seems seems so non-excited about is all and doesn’t want to see the dress. She said it would be finalizing that she is losing me to Fi, but she knows she will never lose me. I can tell she is having a hard time with this.
Post # 14
I’m so glad you talked to her – it’s nice that she was willing to tell you why she’s acting how she is. Keep reiterating to her it’ll be more of a bonding experience for the two of you to go get the dress together, so she can feel like you want to do it for closeness reasons.
You look SO beautiful in the dress… the shape is perfect for you. I love the meringue!
Post # 15
So mom finally decide she WANTS TO SEE THE DRESS!!!!
Now I’m super excited. This weekend is look like TONS of fun!!!!
I also am going to have my daughter try on Flower Girl dresses and my guest book/gift attendent find what she likes.