Post # 1
Okay. So this is probably a really silly thing to vent about, but I know someone out there in bee-land will get it.
Wedding planning so far has been a breeze… my mom and I are mostly getting along wonderfully throughout the process. Enter invitations, stage left. My mom is strangely opinionated about them, which is mostly fine, as they don’t matter quite as much to me. I told her about my awesome idea to DIY the envelope liners, as is quite en vogue on the wedding blogs. I was going to line them with map paper (we have a vintage-travel-map motif going), and I’m even “watching” several 1940s atlases on ebay. I sent her a weddingbee tutorial so she’d see how not-ridiculous the project is, and I told her how excited I am, as I haven’t really had much of an opportunity for DIY in this process since I live so far from my venue. I told her I was actually itching for a project.
So she calls me today and says, “You’re not just doing this project to save money, are you? Because I didn’t set a budget limit for invitations. This seems like a monstrous amount of work, and I think it’s going to be a huge burden, and I think you’re going to regret doing it when you’re done. We should just have a professional do lined envelopes if you want them. I’m sure 90% of brides don’t do this themselves.”
I know that she thought she was bringing me good news. She kept saying that she only said something because she couldn’t tell if I truly wanted to do the project. But I had already said in an email that I was super excited! Now my blood pressure’s through the roof, and the project no longer seems fun to me. She sucked the fun right out of it, so my only DIY project thus far is now out the window, and I now have to find a stationer that can do map liners. I’m aware that it’s a silly thing to be disappointed with, but still — I’m seriously disappointed!
Can anyone relate?
Post # 3
Breathe… I am with you regarding some paper pomanders vs. real flower pomanders.
Even if she doesn’t like the idea, it ok. The great news is that you are excited and you should do it! Stand you ground and but those Atlas from ebay!
Post # 4
I feel your pain. My mom isn’t so bad but my grandmother is the worst! She’s still stuck in 1954 lol.
I want to do a DIY monogram aisle runner and she immediately nixed the idea. Said she’d never even heard of an aisle runner! I reminded her that the last wedding she attended was almost 10 years ago and that it was my aunt’s impromptu second marriage at a court house. I’m still going ahead with my monogramed aisle runner, I’m sure when she sees it she’ll like it.
The same goes for you, don’t let your mom put down your ideas if you’re genuinely excited about them.
BTW, I really like your map idea. What other things are you incorporating it into??
Post # 5
I am sorry you don’t feel excited about it anymore, but what about you just doing the liners? That would be a great compromise between you and your mom 🙂
Post # 6
Oh, I can SOOOOO relate. My mom just generally enjoys shooting down my ideas–we have a somewhat complicated relationship–and I haven’t even been very DIY buzzed, but she has shot down every single thing that I have proposed or mocked up, even if everyone else loves it. There are three ways that I deal with it, none of which are terrible constructive, but save everyone a lot of grief:
1. I tell her about projects when other people, like the bridesmaids or my FMIL, are around. They get all excited and then she’s more reluctant to sound like an extravagantly mean wet blanket around them and is more likely to let my ideas pass unscathed.
2. I, um, highlight which parts of the project my FI worked on, because she likes him more than me and wouldn’t diss anything he did if it were a DIY project (even if his contribution was to copy and paste something or suggest a tweak, I just play it up)
3. I just don’t tell her about them. It’s not ideal but it allows me to do projects that I really care about and know will come out well without having her completely ruin it for me.
Post # 7
I just wanted to add that I know you girls will look back on these issues with your mom with love later on in life. I don’t have a mom, and I wish that I had her here with me to argue with and offer advice.
Post # 8
My mom stays silent. It’s my sister who’s the Debbie Downer in my family. She really wanted me to make homemade jam, but when I realized how much it would cost in time and money between picking (she wanted to pick it all ourselves!!!), paying for all the fruit, buying the rest of the ingredients, buying the jars, making all the jam, then doing little jam skirts and tags for everything, oh my gosh. I decided to do homemade caramel instead, which will be far easier and cheaper. My sister was really upset with me!!! Like I don’t think she would come help, she’s so upset about it. It’s so bizarre!!! Would I rather spend 5 days and $700, or one afternoon and $100… Hmmmmm let me think……………. Whatever. Another one of my BM is super excited to help with the caramel so she and I are going to do it together, forget about my sister and her sourpuss about it 😉
My dad is a bit like your mom in that he thinks I’m doing all this DIY to save money. He keeps telling me it’s perfectly fine to spend money on my wedding, it’s why they money is there. LOL! It’s very sweet. I think though coming from a dad it sounds less like a criticism and more like permission. I think just being clear with your mom that you enjoy the DIY aspect, it’s not about time or money or effort, then maybe she’ll come to understand. I think mom’s are protective of their girls and they just want us brides to relax and enjoy everything, rather than adding 10 extra projects and therefore, 10x more stress to our plates.
Post # 9
@thefuturemrsherdt: LOVE the story about your grandma and the aisle runner! Ha! We’re displaying the escort cards in vintage American Tourister luggage pieces, and our table numbers are maps with places instead of numbers. We’re also displaying an old globe on our guest book table. And our colors are sort of map-ish, peach-pink, cream, blues, a parchment-like tan. My fiance is a diplomat, so we’ll be spending his career moving around the world for consecutive two-year jaunts, so we thought this motif was appropriate!
@noritake22: This post wasn’t intended to be a slam on my mom… actually, she and I have a fabulous relationship, and we’ve only disagreed a couple of times during the wedding-planning process. I just found her response to this situation particularly frustrating, like she wasn’t listening to me. So don’t fret, I’m not taking her for granted.
@bakerella: The frustrating thing is that I thought I was clear about why I wanted to do it (have a hand in our wedding items, and that it’d be fun). Maybe I should have been even clearer. And for the record, homemade caramel sounds OFF THE CHARTS amazing!
Post # 10
Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. It is the anniversary of her passing this weekend, so I am just going through a rough time missing her. I thought if I put it in writing it might help me be less teary. I know moms can be extremely frustrating. Mine sure was, but I still miss her. I am glad you have a fabulous relationship with your mom. It is very important, and I know she appreciates your closeness very much.
Post # 11
@diplomatswife: Honestly, I had a bit of a giggle at your post. I am also lining my envelopes and everyone I have told about it either a. stares at my blankly because they have no idea what envelope liners are or b. thinks I am crazy for taking on such a project. I think your mom honestly meant well with what she said. But because she doesn’t read Wedding Bee as much as you do, she probably doesn’t “get” the envelope liner thing. Just go ahead and do them – I love the map idea, they will look fantastic!
Post # 12
@noritake22: Oh no! I can’t imagine what that must be like. I’m so sorry, what a tough and emotional milestone. Sending hugs your way!
@lilybay: Ha! I know, I sometimes forget that people who aren’t glued to the wedding blogs maaaaaaaybe don’t know what custom envelope liners are, or why they’d be fabulous. I know she meant well, it’s just frustrating when somebody Debbie-Downers all over your ONLY diy idea! ;D
Post # 13
Don’t pay someone to do envelope liners. Seriously – it’ll take you longer to find someone to do it than it will to do it yourself, especially if you want something as specific and awesome as vintage atlas paper! It took me one evening to do my 60 invites. This is a completely manageable task!
Post # 14
I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I think it’s hard for people unfamiliar with the world of wedding blogs to understand that there’s some pride in DIYing – you get to have something that is uniquely your own.
My FI said the same thing about our DIY invites which I worked on for 3 months – “I’ll pay for whatever you want so you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to” – but I WANTED to, I was excited about them and I love how they look.
Don’t let her get you down – she probably just wants to save you the trouble but doesn’t realize it’s all those little handcrafted details that make your wedding your own.