(Closed) Mom just not into weddings

posted 12 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee

I think as Moms, we sometimes don’t know where we ‘fit’ in our daughter’s wedding planning. Both of my daughters are completely different in just about every way.

When the first one to get married last June asked me to plan everything and they’d just show up that day,I thought she was kidding. She wasn’t! She’d been listening to her friends/co-workers talk about all their wedding plans for years,so I think she was just sick of it. She didn’t want the stress of searching or making decisions and told me I’d do a better job than she ever could. It was flattering,but strange and unexpected. When I was talking to a few of my friends about it they all said the same thing….all of our Moms planned everything about our weddings and we just picked our dresses and Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and bouquets and showed up to get married! lol

My older daughter is very involved in everything,but still asks me a million things every day,because even tho she’s one of the last of her friends to get married,she works FT and is taking classes online for another degree. I’m home now,so its been easier for me to find things,run them by both of them and once they decide, I make the arrangements or purchases and its worked out great.  My house looks like Wedding Central having both weddings in less than a year.

The 3 of us were the only ones who went shopping for their dresses,shoes,accessories,flowers and their men did the tastings,venue search, and all the rest they wanted to be involved in.

I’m just guessing here,but many of you may have been been very independent for most of your lives,and never really needed your parents’ opinions or imput once you became adults. Maybe they think that’s exactly what you wanted to do when it came time to this as well. Rather than cause hard feelings ,they’ve just backed off. Maybe they think its a lot of money for a big party since they’ve been through it before. How many parents have said they’d rather give you money for a down payment on a house than pay for a wedding?

 Like I said,its really hard to know our places and how much we’re wanted or needed unless we’re told.

Post # 18
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry. 🙁  I know exactly what you’re going through.  I posted a thread about my similar situation recently and got a lot of great advice which ended up with me talking to her about it on a much more serious note than I had before. Since then she has been way better. She comes up with ideas, she went to a wedding show, and she even took pictures of my venue for me (which is about 40 minutes from her house but 20 hours from mine). Here is the thread:

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mom-could-care-less-about-the-wedding

I hope their advice can help you too. 

<3

Post # 19
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh, I thought I was the only one who was dealing with this!  My mom got remarried about a year and a half ago and since then has kind of become distant from my sister and me.  She seems like she couldn’t care less about my wedding.  She actually asked me the other day if she had to come to the rehearsal, and when I started to ask her if she could bring some food for us and my bridesmaids while we are all getting ready the morning of the wedding, she told me I should go out the night before and stock the fridge!  She also brought her husband along dress shopping with me, and wanted to bring him when we went shopping for her dress!  It’s like she’s become a self-absorbed teenager.  I’ve thought about talking to her about it, but I feel like she’ll just deny everything and claim how excited she is.  Ugh, thanks for letting me vent 🙂 

Post # 20
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception

My mom is/was the same way. But she’s always been that type of person who just isn’t interested in much, so I really didn’t expect her be any different just because I was getting married. My mom really had no participation in my wedding, other than showing up. She did not dress shop with me, my Mother-In-Law threw me a shower, when I had wedding issues or questions I went to my dad. For reals.

Post # 21
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i don’t really have a mom (she left our family when i was 15) but my dad is being this way. not only does he just not give a damn about my wedding, he complains about it. he has to fly here (2 hour flight, and he’s never visited in the 5 years i’ve lived here), hotels are too expensive, it’s the middle of his busy season, etc. i had asked him a few months ago before we signed the contract if he could help pay our venue fee and he said yes, but since then has revoked any financial contribution whatsoever. he is fully able to help… he just won’t. on top of that, he’s (seemingly gleefully)  broken it to me that hardly anyone in our family is coming, and acts shocked that the few members that are coming are going to bother.

i. have. had. it.

sorry for all the griping, but i can’t talk about this on my blog and i’m just so frustrated and about ready to tell him to just not come. i sympathize with y’all who are having parent struggles!

Post # 22
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My mom AND Future Mother-In-Law are the same way (it’s kind of nice to know there are a lot of us out here going through this). My mom is currently in the midst of a seperation from my step-father…so she’s not into anything, like @mrsmdphd said. (MD and PHD? you go girl!). My mom has always been a bit impulsive and inconsistent and I never know what to expect. This past weekend I showed her some cake toppers I was working on, and normally (I think) she, being the crafty artsy person she is, would LOVE them. She looked at them as if they were a big pile of cow manure and then when I said “what’s with the face” she said “oh nothing…i just thought they’d be more…traditional and formal.” I bit my tongue and made the deicision to share this type of info with the people who DO care. It’s hard. My mom is a good mother, but she’s going through a rough time and is depressed and it sucks that it’s happening when I’m getting married and really need her help and support.

Hang in there, skibobrown! This is NOT about you! *hugs*

Post # 23
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Not that this is a competition, but my Mom is actually worse than your Mom. She is so not into weddings, it’s actually annoying and sad. I have to call her to get her approval on things and she makes me sit through at least 10 minutes of talk about lighting fixtures and coffee tables for our shore house that she’s building before I can get a word in about needing a deposit for the flowers. I am so busy at work I don’t have time to listen to her ramble on about things that don’t affect me! She refused to go dress shopping with me at all and fought my sisters on having the shower at her house (it is WAAAY too expensive at a restaurant and her house is the only one big enough!). Forget being involved in any decision, there’s no way that will ever happen, but unfortunately she still has veto rights and excersizes them when she randomly listens to me about the decisions I have to make.  She rolls her eyes over everythign wedding related and totally doesn’t care what she will wear or any detail regarding the big day.

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