Post # 1
This is really just a frustrated vent post.
My mom spent a week at my house while her bathroom was being renovated. I have my main set of keys and a spare set in a specific spot on a key ring with other keys. I took them off to give her a spare and got it back when she went home.
A week later I noticed that the spare key wasn’t on the ring where I put it back and asked her for it. She said she didn’t have it. I went to her house a few days later and came across it on the counter, and took it back. My mom was just over on the weekend and the key went missing again lol. I’m at her house, and found it– again.
I don’t really want anyone (even family) to have a spare key to my house. My mom is older, so I haven’t really brought it up to say no you can’t have this. I just need a new hiding place for the spare.
Post # 2
Not sure what older has to do with anything.. if you dont want her to have it, tell her to stop taking it. This taking the key back from each other is such a odd game to be playing.
As for me, my parents have always had a set of keys to my house and it’s not a problem. It’s not like they just drop by unannounced or anything. But it’s handy to just have it in case I need to them to stop by the house unexpected. Or if I forget my keys and get locked out which has happened before too.
Post # 3
It seems weird that she would take it and then lie about it? Like why does she feel that need?
If you won’t say anything to her it’s possible that she will just snoop around until she finds it. Maybe a decoy key is the way to go lol?
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
this might be an overreaction but can you get a smart lock for your house? They’re not super hard to install and then you can just give her a punch code to enter. Deactivate any time. Never worry about keys ever again, with anyone.
Post # 5
Does she have memory issues? If not … I would be very clear about the boundary and either find a new place for the key, have the locks changed or install one of those keypads that gives her access for a limited period of time should she need it. How annoying for you.
Post # 6
Why would this be something you are afraid to bring up with her? I adore my mum and she helped us all the time when our children were young, but I don’t want her to have a permanent set of keys to my home. If she started that sort of nonsense (swiping the keys), you can bet I’d address it – not in a mean way, but just in a what’s going on sort of way. This is something adults shoudl be able to talk about. Playing hide-the-key is ridiculous.
Post # 7
Mom is either really sneaky or has dementia. Taking your key by accident once is understandable but to deliberately take it from your home is super weird. Yes, you should bring it up with her. Is this the only unusual thing that she’s doing?
Post # 8
This rubs me the wrong way. Why would she lie about it? Are you sure she isn’t going there while you’re not home?
I’d be pretty tempted to let her keep the key if I found she had done it again. But I’d change my locks and put a discreet camera up to see if she’s coming by without asking. Something is fishy about this. There’s no need to steal and then lie when questioned about it
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2019 - Brooklyn, NY
It’s hard to give you informed advice without knowing if your mom has a history of overstepping boundaries with you, being overly dependent, etc.
Not sure why people are assuming she’s lying to you. My first thought (as someone who does not have negative boundary issues with her parents) is that she is having memory issues, or maybe she’s having some irrational worries that are compelling her to take them.
If you have a healthy relationship with her, I would just gently mention that you found your spare keys at her house and you would prefer that they not leave your house without your knowledge, and see what she says…
Post # 10
@brooklyngal: Not sure why people are assuming she’s lying to you.
Once might be an accident, but twice? Saying “no” and then finding it TWICE in her home? That’s not being honest, and if she had memory issues how did she remember to take it AGAIN? This reads sketchy and not totally innocent.
Post # 11
i second this! i have smart locks both phone enabled and pin codes and love it
Post # 12
I thought she could be lying but she does have some age and illness related cognitive issues and as of late tends to overreact and overstep bigtime. Prior to becoming ill, shes the type of person who starts going through and opening my mail, or snooping around– and that’s just her. Don’t even get me started on the conversations I’ve had about her reading personal letters or journals that are in my own office. 😑
I’ve had this conversation very clearly with her in the past about keys–back then she said we should go to Home Depot and make a copy set for her, to which I said no and explained boundaries. This is the first instances where she’s taken them deliberately and without permission.
Post # 13
Rekey your door locks and buy a combination lock for the cabinet where you store your keys and important documents. Reevaluate your boundaries.
Post # 14
Yikes. I would definitely invest in smart locks. Especially since she’s already shown she has serious boundary issues and isn’t afraid to flat out snoop through your things.
I would also reiterate to her that she needs to respect your boundaries and privacy.
Post # 15
Change the locks. If she is this controlling and intrusive I’d be surprised if she has stopped at ‘borrowing’ keys without permission – you may find the reason she has taken the keys twice is because she didn’t get round to having spares cut the first time…