Mom keeps taking my house keys * mini vent

posted 2 months ago in Nesting
Post # 2
Member
12326 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Not sure what older has to do with anything.. if you dont want her to have it, tell her to stop taking it.  This taking the key back from each other is such a odd game to be playing.

As for me, my parents have always had a set of keys to my house and it’s not a problem.  It’s not like they just drop by unannounced or anything.  But it’s handy to just have it in case I need to them to stop by the house unexpected.  Or if I forget my keys and get locked out which has happened before too.

Post # 3
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

It seems weird that she would take it and then lie about it? Like why does she feel that need? 

If you won’t say anything to her it’s possible that she will just snoop around until she finds it. Maybe a decoy key is the way to go lol?

Post # 4
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

View original reply
@seraphina:  this might be an overreaction but can you get a smart lock for your house? They’re not super hard to install and then you can just give her a punch code to enter. Deactivate any time. Never worry about keys ever again, with anyone.

Post # 5
Member
806 posts
Busy bee

Does she have memory issues? If not … I would be very clear about the boundary and either find a new place for the key, have the locks changed or install one of those keypads that gives her access for a limited period of time should she need it. How annoying for you.

Post # 6
Member
7935 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Why would this be something you are afraid to bring up with her? I adore my mum and she helped us all the time when our children were young, but I don’t want her to have a permanent set of keys to my home. If she started that sort of nonsense (swiping the keys), you can bet I’d address it – not in a mean way, but just in a what’s going on sort of way. This is something adults shoudl be able to talk about. Playing hide-the-key is ridiculous.

Post # 7
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

Mom is either really sneaky or has dementia. Taking your key by accident once is understandable but to deliberately take it from your home is super weird. Yes, you should bring it up with her. Is this the only unusual thing that she’s doing?

Post # 8
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

This rubs me the wrong way. Why would she lie about it? Are you sure she isn’t going there while you’re not home?

 

I’d be pretty tempted to let her keep the key if I found she had done it again. But I’d change my locks and put a discreet camera up to see if she’s coming by without asking. Something is fishy about this. There’s no need to steal and then lie when questioned about it

Post # 9
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - Brooklyn, NY

It’s hard to give you informed advice without knowing if your mom has a history of overstepping boundaries with you, being overly dependent, etc. 

Not sure why people are assuming she’s lying to you. My first thought (as someone who does not have negative boundary issues with her parents) is that she is having memory issues, or maybe she’s having some irrational worries that are compelling her to take them.

If you have a healthy relationship with her, I would just gently mention that you found your spare keys at her house and you would prefer that they not leave your house without your knowledge, and see what she says… 

Post # 10
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@brooklyngal:  Not sure why people are assuming she’s lying to you.

Once might be an accident, but twice? Saying “no” and then finding it TWICE in her home? That’s not being honest, and if she had memory issues how did she remember to take it AGAIN? This reads sketchy and not totally innocent. 

Post # 11
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2022

View original reply
@rachel85:  i second this! i have smart locks both phone enabled and pin codes and love it

Post # 13
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@seraphina:  Rekey your door locks and buy a combination lock for the cabinet where you store your keys and important documents. Reevaluate your boundaries.

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by moschata.
Post # 14
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@seraphina:  

Yikes. I would definitely invest in smart locks. Especially since she’s already shown she has serious boundary issues and isn’t afraid to flat out snoop through your things.

I would also reiterate to her that she needs to respect your boundaries and privacy. 

 

Post # 15
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@seraphina:  Change the locks.  If she is this controlling and intrusive I’d be surprised if she has stopped at ‘borrowing’ keys without permission – you may find the reason she has taken the keys twice is because she didn’t get round to having spares cut the first time…

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