(Closed) Mom keeps wanting to add guests

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
3606 posts
Sugar bee

“No, Mom. I’ve explained to you how [your FI] and I visualize our wedding and the number of guests we are planning on having, and we are sticking to that. We can’t accommodate any more guests and I think we have already given you plenty. I would rather not discuss this any further, as it’s really stressing me out.” 

Post # 3
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead

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chevaldame:  This is my life with Future Mother-In-Law, every time she brings up someone new, that I have never met. Mind you we have been together for 5 years, and she has all the people we must have..uhh no you already got 40 of those people invited and i dont even know who they are! 

Post # 4
Member
6939 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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chevaldame:  As to #4: don’t do it! My mom said the same thing. There were 5 people she wanted to invite (10 with their spouses) that I didn’t really know at all. I didn’t think we could actually fit them in the venue. She told me she was sure almost none of them would come but she still wanted to send them a courtesy invite. What happened? All of them responded yes. 

Post # 5
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee

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chevaldame:  I totally understand! My mom just told me she thinks I should invite three other people…. I’ve already sent out my save the dates and we are on a budget! It gets really annoying. The only difference is my mom is not paying so that’s what I have to say to get her to back off. I just have to say sure mom are you going to pay for them? And that’s that. I guessi would say do you want so and so there or this person there because we can’t so everyone and then maybe she will see where you are coming from?if you give her the choice between a close friend or some distant relative it might be a wake up call to her that you have reached your guest list number. 

Post # 6
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

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chevaldame:  I am in the same situation… to make a long story short, initially guest list was at 260ish and now it is just over 300  luckily my venue can hold up to high 300s and my parents are giving us more money to cover all the extra people, centerpieces, an extra shuttle etc 

Post # 7
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee

Is your total budget $6k? Or that’s what you are contributing? How much is your mom giving you? If you have already finalized everything, that’s one thing. If this is all still hypothetical, one way of doing things is to give everyone a set number of invites, that they can use how they choose. So if you want 125 people, you and your Fiance get maybe 75, and then each of your families gets 25. Your mom can’t go above her 25. 

Now, if your mom is contributing the bulk of your wedding finances, you might have to rethink your stance a little bit.

Post # 8
Member
31 posts
Newbee

LOL are you my long lost sister? my mother is the same. Do NOT fall for #4 though. I gave in to this reasoning and suddenly a whole bunch of random people I haven’t seen since 1992 are flying across the country to come to my wedding! It’s going to be sooo awkward when I get there and have no clue who they are….

Post # 9
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

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chevaldame:  “Me and Fiance are deciding who to invite, I am not going to invite anyone we don’t want to, so please stop asking.” That’s what I’d say but it sounds like you already accomodated her going over the initial list. So maybe something like, “I already tried to be considerate going over the guest list with you, but now we are not adding anyone else we don’t want to, so please stop asking.” 

Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

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chevaldame:  I’m going through something kind of similar and it’s driving me nuts. I’m getting ready to order invitations and I’ve planned on getting 10 extra (just in case one looks funky, one for a keepsake, etc.). But my mom keeps making comments about inviting people not on the guest list – people from work, her long lost cousin, the homeless guy that sits outside the gas station (ok, just kidding, but that’s what it feels like). I don’t care so much who she invites, but I NEED a final list so I know how many invitations to get and, really, just for my own sanity. I don’t like loose ends and that’s what it feels like. I’m with you – I’m just ready to elope!

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