- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016
I guess this is just a vent because I’m so frustrated. Almost every time I speak with my mother, she has another question about adding potential people to the guest list.
Fiance and I have decided on a small wedding (our budget is about $6k) and since I’m organizing everything (sometimes begrudgingly), I’ve decided on quality over quantity. I’ve worked really hard at getting unique and fun decor centered around a theme that I’m proud of. I’ve thought of fans if it’s hot, and umbrellas if it drizzles, and entertainment and fun wedding games and gluten free food options and more.
My parents have offered a certain amount to help pay for things, insisting that it doesn’t come with strings. We have (or had) a guest list whittled down to about 125 people. I would like to know most of the people there and don’t care to pay for strangers, people who aren’t involved in our lives, or people I’ve only met once or twice in my life. This is in exact opposition to my mother, who feels like everyone should be invited that we know and thinks that any decor coordination I’m doing is a waste of money (“I think you’ve spend too much on decor. It could have been used to invite more people”).
These are some of the people that she wants me to invite:
1. My half sister who is two decades older than me and has not spoken to us in years (she actually said, “Well, if *sister* gets word of the wedding and decides she wants to come, I think you need to let her come”).
2. “Alice” who is the sister of the mom in a family unit we’re inviting (my mom’s friend) – “Well, if Alice ends up visiting the family that weekend and wants to come, I think you should invite her” – I have met this person twice in my life.
3. We are also not inviting children, partially because I don’t want them there as well as keeping our guest list down significantly. Because a cousin is coming (one who I haven’t talked to in years), she wants me to invite her live-in boyfriend’s two children (it was initially one child, age 8. Then it was age 6. Now it’s Age 6 and her 12 year old brother – I haven’t ever gotten a straight answer). My half sister from above also has two children (I have never met my nieces)
4. Several relatives of hers that I haven’t met. “I’d like to invite them. They won’t come anyway so it doesn’t really count for your guest list.” – Uhm, but what if they do come, mom?
Those are just a few examples. One phone call ended up having her wanting to invite 5 more people. This is all after I got with her for the initial guest list and she said who I had listed off was fine. I said, “Are you sure there isn’t anyone else?” “No, I don’t think so. Your list sounds good.”
I want to treat the guests that I do invite as well as I can. My mom insists that there aren’t strings attached with the money she’s given, but she constantly guilts me on the guest list. She thinks I should just have metal folding chairs, have guests carry their chairs from the ceremony to the reception (about 1/10th of a mile), and have a vase of Albertson’s flowers on a plastic table cloth. To each their own, but I feel like she’s trying to guilt me (even though she says she’s not) into doing something that I feel is way subpar just to accommodate who she thinks should be invited.
Sorry for the novel rant, but man. It’s so frustrating. This just makes me want to elope even more, but Fiance wants the ceremony. :-/