(Closed) mom not excited to dress shop

posted 5 years ago in Dress
Post # 16
Member
9439 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

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desertgypsy :  She did not say that wasn’t enough of a budget for her dress. She said she doesn’t understand why her mom set that budget but then acts like it’s way too much and uses it as an excuse to go dress shopping.

OP – figure what you can afford to pay for a dress yourself and then go dress shopping without your mom. She can always come to later appointments. And quite frankly even if you can get her to go she doesn’t sound like she’d be much fun to have there.

Post # 19
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

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justyourbasicpumpkinluvr :  I think brides need to stop expecting people (besties, moms, siblings, etc.) to be excited for their wedding. Honestly, no one has to care except you and your Fiance. Expecting people to care is only setting yourself up for disappointment and family/friend issues. 

Regardless of who is paying, you can be upset your mom isn’t excited, but she also doesn’t have to be excited. Are you sure she’s using the budget to get out of shopping? Maybe she truly just doesn’t want to go shopping with you? If it’s really bothering you, I would just ask her nicely. 

My mom has said 2 words about my wedding dress. I showed her 2 photos – I told her which dress I was buying. She said “Oh I like you in the one you didn’t buy better. It makes you look skinnier.” Not that my mom is a bitch, she truly isn’t, but she just doesn’t care/isn’t involved, and I’d rather have it that way. She has no say and I don’t want her too. I also don’t care what she thinks. 

Post # 20
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I know that people are telling you that this is a non-issue and basically that “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit,” but I totally understand where you’re coming from. 

The dress will be very important to me (even if I only think that because of the conditioning of the wedding industry I’ve been exposed to over the years, I don’t really care). I don’t want to spend a lot, but I don’t think you have to spend a lot to have a dream dress that makes you feel like the most beautiful bride you can be. I would be very hurt if my mom wasn’t as excited as I am about it, even though I realize she doesn’t “have” to be excited. Maybe I’ve watched too much Say Yes to the Dress (OK I definitely have watched too much), but I just want that mom-daughter moment since I’m very close with my mother – and if you want that moment too, I hope you’re able to have it! 

I hope that by talking about the budget and working something out, whether that’s decreasing it or offering to pay for it yourself or whatever a good resolution looks like for you, I hope it ends in her being able to share your excitement in dress shopping.

Post # 21
Member
2175 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t see much benefit to engaging in an argument about whether you should feel the way you do, or whether your mother is justified in her behavior, or whether $3800 is an obscene budget, what good would any of that do?

Solution: go to the off-the-rack shop that your mother wants to go to.  Try on dresses with an open mind.  If you find nothing you love, tell your mother you want to expand the search to other boutiques.  If you find something you love but you still want to try on other dresses, tell her that too.  If she finds something she feels is “good enough” but you disagree, tell her you don’t want to wear a dress you don’t love on your wedding day so if she isn’t open to looking at other stores you’ll just pay for the dress yourself.

Post # 22
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

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justyourbasicpumpkinluvr : Sorry your mom isn’t feeling it, but dress shopping is a huge pain in the ass and not everyone is thrilled with the idea. 

Post # 23
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee

Try this. Make an appointment at David’s bridal with your BFF. Go try on dresses in many different profiles. Come home and say, “MOM! I went to David’s and I found the coolest dress for $1500. I think I may even be able to swing half of the cost MYSELF!” I GUARANTEE you she will come and look at the dress and you can use that opportunity to hit a few other shops as well. She will become a dress-buying fanatic with you. As a mother who just paid for a wedding myself, what she wants to see from you is that you are TRYING to save her some money. This is an area where she sees the ability to cut costs and you do not BUT she is swiping the card and she wins on this. You can get her to meet you part-way though.

Post # 24
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

Wow you’re wedding budget is huge! I understand that you’re blessed that your Mom is paying for everything but are you sure your Mom can really afford that much without compromising her own financial situation? I mean can you imagine how long she’s taken to save that? I just don’t feel like you need spend that much for 1 day but I guess you don’t have any connection to the money. Unless you’re paying for your own dress you need to respect what your Mom is asking you to go with. 

You both need to sit down and talk about what she’s comfortable affording because it sounds like wedding is stressing her out financially.

Post # 26
Member
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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justyourbasicpumpkinluvr :  My mom was excited to go dress shopping with me, but it was her idea to go to a boutique that had dresses off the rack and used dresses.  So even though she bought my dress, she still had a budget and suggested we go to the off the rack shops first because she was afraid I was going to fall in love with a dress way out of her budget.  Could that be the case with your mom?  You have a generous budget, but it is still a budget.  FWIW, I did find an off the rack dress that was under her budget.

I also have to say that $400 for shoes and a veil is ridiculous.  You can find those items much cheaper.

Edit – it really sounds like you’re taking the calculator on that other site as the Bible.  I found they suggest you spend waaaaay more than you need to. 

Post # 27
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

She doesn’t want to go. Her reasons are her reasons. They don’t have to make sense to you. It’s okay to rant and vent about it, but at the end of the day unless you say “hey mom, you’re upsetting/pissing me off by not giving a flying fuck. What is that?” nothing is going to change. 

Only you need to care about your dress. It sucks, but your own mother is not obligated to care. 

Post # 28
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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justyourbasicpumpkinluvr :  The thing is…we don’t know your mom. All we have to go on is what you’ve told us. We’ve offered some ideas/possible reasons she’s not excited about the dress. That’s really all we can do. I don’t really know what else you’re looking for from us. Talk to your mom. It seems like you have a good relationship so just talk about it. 

Post # 29
Bee
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - The School of the Art Institute Ballroom

Like you, my mom wasn’t excited about dress shopping – but that was to be expected. She’s not much of a shopper to begin with, and spending tons of money on clothes makes her uncomfortable. That’s why I did my shopping with friends instead of my mom.  Maybe your mom just doesn’t enjoy clothes shopping? 

Post # 30
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Will some of the bees please stop with the judgmental comments about people’s budgets?  Everyone has one that works for them and OP has said hers is not going to put anyone out.  

Anyway, OP, my mom was also meh about the wedding planning process as a whole.  She doesn’t live in the same city as me and so didn’t come dress-shopping with me and did not express any disappointment that she missed out lol.  My Mother-In-Law was the only one who came and she was more excited than me. I didn’t invite anyone else because frankly I don’t even enjoy dress-shopping.

I showed her my bridal shots in my dress and hair-makeup trial.  She just said she didn’t like my hair in an updo. I was like OK noted, but I like my hair!

I say all that and the point is, none of this means she didn’t care about me getting married.  People just have different things they care about.  

To prove it, I have pictures of her bawling her eyes out at the Chinese tea ceremony during our wedding reception.

 

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