- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Hello, Bees! My mom, who I have lived with for the past 1.5 yr, since I left my ex-husband, has been making comments about FI’s shyness. He is nervous about standing in front of a bunch of people and wants a small wedding (I am fine with this). He doesn’t like being in large crowds, like at a pro-sporting event, or to travel much (fear of flying due to a rough flight long ago and a 6 year old son with shared parenting, whose mom is a bit difficult, so he doesn’t like to change their routine arrangements).
Fiance is a wonderful man, a fact that my mother doesn’t argue with, and doesn’t have any truly bad habits or big red flags (like my mentally ill ex did). But Mom keeps bringing up his discomfort doing things outside of his comfort zone and telling me that I may not be happy with those “quirks” after marriage. I have explained to her that I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to fly or to be the center of attention or go to big events. Other than the flying, I don’t care for those things too much, myself.
She says if he won’t change the routine for special occasions with his son’s mother now, I will have to insist that he does in the future and I should tell him that will happen. Then she asked me if he had finished the Marriage Preparedness questionaire that we are doing prior to meeting with marriage mentors a few times before the wedding. He hasn’t. It’s online and he is computer-naive. I will probably have to open it and put in our password and show him how to point and click to register responses.
I guess I just needed to vent a little. It’s not easy for a grown woman to live with her mother and it’s apparently not easy for a mom to keep from offering her very strong opinions about things to her daughter, who is very stressed out from work stuff and wedding planning and really needs some quiet time.
What would you say to your mom? I’m considering telling her not to worry about it, it will be fine, then keeping my mouth shut and not telling her much of anything (not easy, she’s also my friend).
Thanks for reading and God bless!
p.s. I’m not even going to start in about my sister, who is a narcissist and with-holds her son from my mom and only talks to me when she needs something!