Post # 1
Wondering if anyone has had to deal with this?
DH and I are planning on TTCing next summer. We would do it sooner, but I went back to school in an effort to get a better job so we’re waiting until I am finished.
DH has a great paying job with great benefits. I work in retail and don’t make a ton of money but together we do well. We have been married for a year and a half and have a condo with plenty of room for baby.
For some reason, every time I bring up TTCing, pregnancy, babies, etc. around my mom, she either doesn’t repsond and changes the subject, or says something unsupportive. She has indicated that I don’t HAVE to have kids, that I should have a better job in order, that they are a lot of work and commitment (duh!).
Even though I am 28, she still views me as a child. I find it incredibly hurtful. Obviously her opinion is not going to affect when DH and I TTC, but I just don’t know how to deal with her. Should I just stop trying to talk to her about it?
Post # 3
Oops, can someone please move this to the TTC boards? Thanks.
Post # 4
I would just stop talking to her about it. As awesome as it would be to have your mom on board right now, if she’s not, then just drop it.
This is why my MIL doesn’t know we’re trying. She has said that we should wait a few years, I should get a better job, we should have more money saved, etc before TTC. So she doesn’t get to know since I know it’s likely she’d be negative about it. I’m sorry your mom isn’t on board, but you’re right, the decision is between you and your husband. If I was 28 I probably would be waiting a couple more years as well, but you sound like you have a clear idea, good plan, etc for you guys. Best of luck!
Post # 5
Yeah, you should probably stop telling her about it. You know what she thinks and how she responds, so there’s no point in bringing it up anymore.
You’re in your 20’s, which is the best time to get pregnant and/or start having children, you’re married, and you’re confident in your ability to provide for the child, so go ahead and TTC. Don’t let your mother’s comments bring you down.
Post # 6
haha 28 is not young to have a child. Whatever she says it’s up to you and if you want to keep talking to her about it just make it clear that it’s happening and she can either be on board or not.
Post # 7
@GeekChic: I think you should just stop talking to her about it.
I think she may want you to finish studying and get a better job than the one you have right now because she may worry that after having a baby you may have a harder time doing these things.
Maybe (if her opinion is very important to you) try and ask her about it and consider her opinion. After all mothers often know best.
Post # 8
@GeekChic: stop telling her, and just do it. I’m 35 now, and my fertility plummeted in my early 30’s! Thankfully I had 3 children already in my 20’s. Sure, some women have no trouble in their 30’s, but scientific evidence of a rapid decrease of fertility in your 30’s is serious. I’m not trying to scare you, but at 28, with a husband, good job, nice home, and financially stable, I wouldn’t let anyone stop me from ttc right now. :). Best wishes!! 🙂
Post # 9
@GeekChic: my mom aleays made comments before we were married about when se thought it was appropriate for us to TTC. She kept saying don’t try right away wait and see if it works out first and enjoy being married. She’s just like that! I didn’t even bring it up to her. I didn’t listen obviously since we got pregnan a few months after the wedding. I did what’s right for my family. I don’t need her approval just like you don’t. Moms will be moms.
Post # 10
Will this be her first grandchild? If so, Maybe she’s going through the “oh no, I don’t want to be a grandmother yet” phase….give her some time. Once you do get pregnant and a baby is around, her attitude will change. She’ll be happy.
Post # 11
Exactly, just don’t talk to her about it. It sucks that she’s being hurtful, but do what you can do avoid being hurt by just not talking about it. When you do get pregnant, I certainly hope she will change her tune and be delighted that a grandchild is on the way.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
This is easy. Just stop talking about it. You are a grown woman, and your Mother’s opinion does not matter in your decision making. Why do you care what she thinks about what you want to do with your own reproductive system?
Post # 13
My mom is the same way. I am the same age as you, have a great job, graduate degree, own a home, etc. Even tho I have “ticked off all the boxes”, my mom still makes comments about how I am not ready. I’ve just come to accept that she will never come around, and she will always think that there is more I need to accomplish first. I am planning on waiting another year or two also, and just hope that when it does happen she will be happy for us.
Post # 14
That really blows! I’m sorry she’s not supportive.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
I’m sure she is coming from a place of love, she just isn’t expressing it very well. My parents make comments like ‘No, don’t have kids yet – go traveling!’ or just plain ‘Dont do it!’. I’m sure your moms just worried about you and wants you to be secure financially. This may be coming from her personal struggles – do you know much about her life raiisng kids at first? Maybe she doesnt want you to go through what she did. While Im sure this is really anoying at times, count your lucky stars that you have a mother who cares about you.
Post # 16
In your specific case, from what you’ve said, I don’t think it’s so much her thinking of you as a child but I think what bothers her is exactly what she said – she wants you to have (what she deems) “a better job”. But you know what? If you’re happy where you are and your husband does well, and you’re both ready and able, just don’t tell her about your plans.