(Closed) Mom Not Supportive of My TTCing

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 17
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@GeekChic:  I had the same issue. Stop talking about it.

I was telling my mom a while back about how we were going to try after a year. She kept saying things like, “I love having the four legged kind (my dog).” “There is no hurry. You have time.” She’d always seem to shift the conversation to something else, like she wasn’t excited. I honestly never knew why she’d tell me to wait when I had a house, dog, good job, and was married. She started at 25 and didn’t successfully have a child until 30.

Anyway, I stopped talking to her about kids alltogether. I didn’t tell her I went off BC in May, I didn’t tell her I was charting, I didn’t mentioned TTC or babies or anything. When we announced our pregnancy, she was profoundly confused, but guess what? She was EXCITED. I think it took for it to actually happen before she changed her mind. Now she is a crazy grandma-to-be who is buying books up the wazoo and blackmailing me into telling her the gender or she won’t take care of my dog, lol. (She’s kidding on that one).

Post # 18
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@GeekChic:  Have you tried to gently confront her about how you perceive her comments? Something like, “Mom, I know you worry about me and I love you for that. I also realize getting pregnant is a huge step and that having a baby is a lot of work. Darling Husband and I arent taking this lightly. We’ve given it a great deal of thought and discussion and this is something we want and are ready for. I so want to share this entire experience with you and it hurts that you don’t seem supportive or excited. What’s going on?”

And see what she says? If she’s typically supportive of you, her reactions could be out of real concern for you or even a feeling within her of not being ready to be a grandmother. And, it’s possible she didn’t enjoy motherhood or wishes she’d waited and worries you will feel the same.

If shes typically kind of negative, then, well, her behavior is kind of par for the course but maybe if you call her on it, she’ll make an effort be better about it.

Post # 19
Member
3984 posts
Honey bee

@GeekChic:  My mom is just warming up to the idea of us having kids, after about a year of talking about it. For me, I think it’s really because my mom is the type of person to take on everyone’s life challenges, and she feels like ultimately she is responsible for making sure all her kid’s and their kid’s are safe, happy, and healthy. My sister got KU by her boyfriend two years ago, and ever since, my mom has helped her by running errands, babysitting, and putting up a downpayment on a house for her. She absolutely adores her little grandchild, but I think all that pressure really weighs on her, and she doesn’t understand that not everyone depends on her. Maybe your mom feels something similar or maybe she has bigger career aspirations for you, and feels like you should achieve those first. No matter what, you know what you can handle and what’s responsible, and it doesn’t sound like you’re letting your goals get clouded by her judgements. Hopefully she comes around!

Post # 20
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I called my mom out of the blue while we were TTC and I hadn’t told her anything (we don’t have a great relationship) and after the initial small talk she says “omg I thought you were calling to tell me you were pregnant! I don’t want that for you yet! You’re too young And not ready! 

Then when i did get pregnant about a month later i never told her about it. I miscarried and then just recently told her aboit it, over text. So now she hopefully will know not to make rude comments. 

My point is, the best thing to do is not to look for the “ok go!” from anyone but Darling Husband. Just tell your mom ” we’ve decided to start trying for. a baby and wwe are overjoyed!” Chances are she’ll be happy for you and at the very least she will fake it. If not, that would be the moment to tell her the age old advice of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” 

Post # 21
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yep, stop talking to her about it. The decision to start TTC is purely yours and your DH’s. It would be great if your mom was on board also, and I’m sorry shes not, but she has no say in whether or not you start. 

Dont worry, you’ve got the bee for support and for information! 

Post # 22
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

This is one of the risks of sharing your intentions with others. I have purchased baby things and my mom is aware that I (eventually) want kids – but she doesn’t know that I’m actively trying. Nor does anybody else. About a year-and-a-half ago, shortly before I got engaged, my mother-in-law misheard me and thought I said, “I’ll never get to be a mom (I said ‘aunt’),” and immediately tore into me about how we needed to “wait at least a few years.”

Then suddenly we get married, she has one grandbaby living a thousand miles away, and she’s sweet as pie and cooing, “You guys need to hurry up and have a baby!”

I honestly feel that sharing anything about this stuff can come off as soliciting opinions. She doesn’t approve…fortunately, she’s had her life to live, including when to have kids.

There is no perfect time to have kids, but right now, your situation sounds manageable. At 28 – while you aren’t “too old” to have kids – fertility does start seeing slow drops beginning in your 30s, sometimes even earlier.

 

Post # 23
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My mom was the same way… ” you’re so young… enjoying being married for awhile longer, travel, ” etc. When we got our BFP, she got pretty emotiona and excited. I would just stop talking about it (I did) and when the time comes she will more than likely be happy. If not right away, then eventually 🙂 

Post # 24
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Gee, I would have never even thought of seeking support from my Mother while TTC. I guess if y’all are super close, well OK. but as an adult, I really see no point of sharing intimate details of my life. But that might be just me.

Post # 24
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Parents always have trouble when their babies want to start having babies. 

Post # 25
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Parents are weird. Really. I am a young bride (will be 22 when I marry) so naturally my parents (and also Fiance and I) think that’s best to wait for a few years. My dad always alwayssss said “just don’t have kids too soon”. Well since last december, a MAJOR baby fever has got into him. Seriously it is insane. Last night we video chatted and said: “do you want to hear a secret? I can’t wait to meet C—– U—-!!”

He already named my baby.

So yeah, definitely, parents are crazy.

Post # 26
Member
7123 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would not talk to her about it. Clearly she isn’t supportive, so all you’re going to do is make yourself upset over it.

I too am 28, and quite frankly, it’s not anyone’s business when I TTC. 😉 My family is busting at the gut, my sister is constantly texting me baby names, and they always ask me when we’re going to have kids. I have NO intention of telling them when we start trying, because even though I know they’ll be excited and supportive I just don’t want any outside opinions.

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