(Closed) Mom offered vacation to me & specifically not Husband

posted 4 years ago in Travel
Post # 2
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

PaperCrane:  I personally wouldn’t go b/c it’s an intentional attempt to exclude your husband. I’m sure it would be a fun trip and your husband is a very understanding man since he is telling you to go. Again, it just doesn’t sit right with me that your mother intentionally excluded your husband. If it was a girls only trip, then it’s understandable. 

Post # 3
2399 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Sounds to me like she wants some mom and daughter qaulity time. I think it would be hard to not maker her a 3rd wheel on a cruise with you her and your husband. I think it you will enjoy some time away from him too. 

Post # 4
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I wouldn’t go. It sounds like she’s trying to manipulate you with money, and I would not be OK with my mother treating my husband like that. Even if he said he wants you to go, he is probably hurt to be treated that way, and I’d rather stand in solidarity to my H.

Post # 5
3611 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t go. It’s great that your Darling Husband can be generous enough to encourage you to go even though your mom deliberately excluded him from the trip, but by going, I think you’re sending the wrong signals to your mom that it’s ok for her to exclude your Darling Husband going forward.

Post # 6
5837 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t be going because I wouldn’t want to give my mom the impression that intentionally excluding my Darling Husband is ok. Also, two weeks is a long time, that means 2 less weeks I can use to vacation with my Darling Husband. If she wanted to do a girls weekend with you maybe it wouldn’t be such a slight to your husband.

Post # 7
3481 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

So past issues with your mom and Darling Husband aside, do you think it’s at all possible she just wants some  mother/daughter time? I ask because my mom is incredibly roundabout when she wants something. The other day she asked me to come over and cut her hair (I’m a nanny/teacher, not a hair stylist!) and then once I had left texted me she changed her mind, “But you’re still coming over, right?” I’m pretty sure she just wanted to see me, but would never say that. 

So before I accuse your mom of being very rude for doing something like this, I just had to ask if maybe she saw an opportunity for a shared room and bonding time and jumped at it.

But either way, I agree you should go. That completely sucks Darling Husband can’t go, but I think it’d be a nice opportunity to spend time with your mom (whether or not that was her intention).

Post # 8
47279 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I see nothing wrong with your Mom inviting you to travel with her. Couples don’t have to do everything together, nor does your Mom have to include Darling Husband in every invitation.

My Mom is dead now, but we used to travel to the Seattle Flower Show every year, because she loved flowers and it was a chance for some Mom and Daughter time without my Dad or ex-husband. We shared some great memories and years later laughed about the two drunk sailors who tried to pick us up and argued with each other about which one of them would get stuck with the old one.

Post # 9
1311 posts
Bumble bee

PaperCrane:  Maybe your mom just wants to spend some quality, alone time with you? Nothing wrong with that. 

Post # 10
5948 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

PaperCrane:  I agree with PPs. I lost my dad a year ago and I could totally see my mom doing this. Not so much excluding my husband as just wanting to hang out with her daughter. Enen though it’s a group, I’d still be her buddy. If my husband was there she’d probably feel like a 3rd wheel. I get what you mean by her not being welcoming over the years though. It’s a tough one. I’m a lot more lenient to my mom’s weird things since we lost my dad.

Post # 11
9459 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I totally think its as some PPs have said–she just doesn’t wnat to be a third wheel on this vacation she’s been planning for a year.  

Post # 12
5816 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t see anything wrong with this. If one of my FI’s close relatives wanted to take a trip just the two of them, I’d think of it as a bonding time, in your case some mother-daughter time. If a whole bunch of family members were invited and one of us deliberately snubbed, excluded when other relatives’ spouses were invited that would be different, but I read this as your mom wanting to spend some time just you and her. 

Post # 13
3442 posts
Sugar bee

I would think nothing of this if your mom invited you on a weekend mother/daughter trip. But this is two weeks – do you have a job with limited vacation time? If I only got 2 or 3 weeks of vacation a year, and my parents invited only me on a 2 week vacation, there is no way I’d use up all or most of my vacation time to spend with them instead of my husband.

Post # 14
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

my mom does this too, invite me and the kids but not my SO… think its just that she wants a ‘family’ holiday and he is not HER family

Post # 15
1419 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Well I don’t know your mom so it’s hard to say really, but if it was my mom doing this I would pack my bags and not even think twice – especially having Darling Husband “blessing”. But my mom is my best friend and I know there wouldn’t be a double meaning behind the invitation. You have lifetime (hopefully) to enjoy vacation with Darling Husband, but limited with mom.

At least that’s my thinking, but again I don’t know your mom or your relationship with her.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  BringOnTheHappy. Reason: spelling

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