- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
My Mom is insisting on throwing me a shower despite the fact that I’ve already told her it’s not something I’m really into. My mom insists it will “be fun for her and my Grandma and Aunt” so appareaddy they are going through with it anyway. My Mom, Grandma and Aunt all live 2 hours away from me, FMIL, MOH and FI side of the family. I told my Mom I’d make my peace with a shower, but could we at least have it near me? (FMIL has offered numerous times in the past few months to host one for me but I never took her up on it, but now I’m thinking her offer sounds pretty good).
Not only would some say it’s inapproprite etiquette wise for my Mom to host her daughters shower (but let’s not go there in this thread), what my Mom can’t see is that while yes, it is easier for my Mom, Grandma and Aunt, it’s way out of the way for everyone else. I’ve told my Mom multiple times I’d prefer it up here, at FMIL house, even at a place in the middle. Twice she’s made a comment like “Well, it’s your wedding BUT this is easier for me”, etc.
My relationship with my Mom has been really rocky over the years, mainly due to her mental instability (seriously, but she won’t get help or admit it) and her tendency to fly off the handle. I’ve gone round and round with her and she keeps making passive aggressive comments like “okay, whatever you want is fine. But this is what works for me” and “Why can’t we have it here, you and all the guests from up there can carpool” etc. I even tried explaining that MOH would be more likely to be able to come if its up here, to no avail.
Laides, I didn’t even want a shower to begin with. Is it asking too much to not inconvience the person who the shower is supposedly for, and compromise with me? I really feel (and she has basically admitted) that this is more for her and my Grandma’s enjoyment, so why can’t they be flexible on this? How many more passive aggressive emails will I have to read before my Mom backs off or compromises with me. I realize she’s just trying to do something nice (and I’ve told her that) but making me and my guests travel 4 hours round trip in one day (more for some guests) is really not my idea of a treat. Sorry if that sounds snotty, but I don’t want any of this.
FI works long hours on Sundays (and my Mom wants to do it on a Sunday) so I’d have to find someone to come check in on my 2 dogs as well (they can’t go that long without a potty break).
Im just so irritated and worn down I’m ready to cave and tell her “Do whatever you want. You’re going to anyway”.
Since my Mom and I have surprisingly gotten along so far in this wedding planning process I really don’t want to start fighting again but I’m sick of getting railroaded. What do I do?