(Closed) Mom suddenly angry about non-religious wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Tell her that if you ever regret not having a religious ceremony, you can always have a Priest convalidate your union in a much smaller ceremony after the fact. It doesn’t require a full Catholic mass, doesn’t usually require classes, and it gets your marriage recognized as a sacriment with the Catholic community. 

Post # 4
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Loribeth’s suggestion is a good one.  I know a couple who did this on their one-year anniversary.  Don’t let your mother force you into a full out religious wedding with classes if it’s not for you.  I don’t think it matters who is paying for it.  The ceremony is very important.  If your parents were making demands about the guest list or the menu or something, I might say you should let it slide since they are paying, but this is different IMO.

Post # 5
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m in a similar boat, but with different circumstances. I was raised in a very strict and religious household, and my fiance and I are not particularly religious. When we first got engaged, I told my parents we would be getting married by a JOP (who also happens to be the best man’s mother).

My mom was fine with it until recently, and by fine she didn’t really say much either way. As the wedding date approaches, she has become increasingly disapproving of getting married outside of a church, and in a civil ceremony. However, I knew this may be an issue from the beginning, which is why my fiance and I are funding the entire wedding.

Post # 6
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree with LoriBeth. We were married by a JOP and I’ve never regretted it.

Post # 8
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Having been in your shoes with my Future Mother-In-Law over this issue, I definitely feel your pain! The best advice I can give you is to do what what you and your fiance truly want to do. My fiance and I were both raised Catholic but do not identify at all with the beliefs/traditions anymore, so we felt standing up in a church and “lying” before God and our families that we were committing to a faith when we weren’t would be worse than ruffling feathers. His mother expressed doubt, then ignored the issue for awhile, then BLEW UP about it months later. While it was hurtful to both of us, she couldn’t help how she felt, and she had to accept it.

My best suggestion is to remain as mature and as calm as possible when dealing with your mother from now on. If you’re calm, you set the tone for everything. I’ve been yelled out, hung up on, and told I was bringing nothing but drama to my fiance’s family for months. Eventually, when they realized we politely but firmly were sticking to our beliefs, my Future Mother-In-Law (and the rest of the family) came around. I won’t lie and say I still sometimes feel hurt when I think about all of it, it has gotten a lot better. I hope it works out well for you as well! If you need any help on talking to your mom, please don’t hesitate to message me! Good luck!

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