Post # 1
Fiance and I are having an interfaith ceremony and my mother thinks that it’s going to be a giant circus. The plan is to essentially have a secular wedding with readings and rituals from both of our faiths and a wine box ceremony as Fiance and I homebrew. She thinks anything that reflects who Fiance and I are is absolutely ridiculous and a mockery of marriage. Because we’re interfaith and as such, not having a Catholic ceremony, she thinks we aren’t taking it seriously as a rite and sacrament. This is completely untrue. She doesn’t like the wine box idea. She doesn’t like the idea that Future Father-In-Law will officiate because “their side is winning”. She mentioned papercraft flowers and when I said we could use comic books, another hobby of Fiance and mine, she was appalled. Apparently, we can’t have a nerdy wedding even though we’re both complete dorks. Both parents were up in arms about the ideas for our engagement photos because, “We can’t put those in the newspaper!” I don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
@HonoraryNerd: well, good thing it’s not her wedding then, HUH?!
Post # 4
You will have to shut her down somehow. I’m very blunt and I nipped my mother’s nonsense in the bud IMMEDIATELY after getting engaged.
Post # 5
Yeah. This is actually super common. Everyone has to have an opinion. Luckily – the only person you really have to listen to is your dfiance. So just don’t tell her so much about the wedding. Be vague. Tell her you haven’t decided on things yet. Don’t run ideas past her. It just makes life easier. Then when it’s all done and decided it’ll be too late for her to complain and you to stress.
Post # 6
then use circus themed invites! jk jk
Post # 7
@HonoraryNerd: I’d be googling “respectful ways to tell my mother to shove it.” As far as the whole doesnt-count-cuz-it’s-not-Catholic business, I might remind her acting like a bratty bigot isn’t very becoming.
Post # 8
I just hate the thought that she’d disapprove of my wedding.
Post # 9
My favorite quote from Randy on SYTTD is ” If you are mature enough to get married, you need to be mature enough to have the wedding you want.”.
Many a parent has been shocked at how much they loved the wedding they initially objected to. Many initial response are based on what tradition was when they got married. Many of our parents have not been to many weddings recently, especially of you are one of the older children.
Post # 10
My mom hasn’t disapproved of much – but she has of some things and I’m going through with them anyway. She’s helping out somewhat with the wedding- but the way I see it, if I’m paying for it – it doesn’t matter. If she’s paying for it, I’ll hear her out and do what I can to somewhat accommodate.
Post # 11
@TwoStatesBride: So much this.
This crap is why I haven’t shared the details of our atheist, officiant-less ceremony with anyone who isn’t participating in it. I don’t need to hear naysaying. You need to sharply tell her keeping score like that is kind of gross (“their side is winning”), that it’s your wedding and she’s bumming you and you won’t talk about that anymore. And then change the subject, and any time she brings it up like that again, change the subject again. Just refuse to engage on it.
She acts like she’ll disapprove but I’m sure she’ll be happy at the time.
Post # 12
@HonoraryNerd: I think it’s time to stop sharing the details of your wedding. My mom was the same way, saying negative stuff about our ideas. So I only shared details I was CERTAIN she would approve of. The rest was a surprise to her and she LOVED our offbeat wedding. It’s been almost a month and she can’t stop talking about how great she thought it was.
Post # 13
@HonoraryNerd: it’s your wedding. 🙂
Post # 14
@HonoraryNerd: I’m in the same boat, kind of. This past weekend Fiance and I went to my parents house to discuss wedding things. I read to her the ceremony transcript, which we have been working on for 9 months with our officiant. We are having a non-religious ceremony, and after I finished reading our lovely ceremony to my parents, I looked up at my mom and she hated it. She didn’t like that God wasn’t mentioned at all and she didn’t like that there weren’t any religious parts. I told her that we like it and it is what we’re going with. [insert blow out fight here].
In the end, I realized I simply cannot tell her the details of things. I’ll just keep them to myself. I wish, more than anything, that my mom could just be happy and supportive. This just isn’t my reality. Oh well. There’s not much I can do about it!
Post # 15
@starz88962: Yesh. There is no way that my mother will be seeing the ceremony before it actually happens. I’m positive that she will think its lovely when we have the wedding but be totally offened and horrified before hand.
Post # 16
@HonoraryNerd: Ever PP is totally right – don’t talk about ‘those’ kind of details with her. Tell her the flowers are coming along and that you are still figuing out details of the ceremony while “working with your priest.” Its sad that sometimes it all has to be a big secret – but everybody is always happier in the end because of it. She’ll be so caught up in the excitement the day of that she won’t notice all the things she would have agonized over while tossing and turning in bed the months before.