Post # 1
Hi, I am a 00/0/1/2/XXS/XS size depending on the brand. I know that I am NOT fat. I used to be a ballet dancer and I was very thin. Well, I’m not 18 anymore, and my body has changed a little since I reached my mid-20s. I have a more womanly figure now (hips!) and I am totally okay with it. My mom hasn’t been very into my wedding at all, and I thought my second fitting would be a good time to have some mother-daughter bonding time. Well, that was a mistake. The first thing she said to me when I walked out of the fitting room with my dress (first time she saw my dress or me in it) was that I needed Spanx. She poked my stomach and told me I shouldn’t have eaten brunch (we has just eaten brunch with my MOH). She said this in front of the entire store, including in front of my seamstress and 2 of my bridesmaids. I was devastated and I am heartbroken. It was an awkward moment for everyone. Her comment sucked the happiness out of the day for me and now I am self-conscious about how I look in my dress. I guess I am just looking for some words of encouragement for how to deal with this and how to feel excited about my dress and how I will look in it on my wedding day. 🙁
Post # 3
That sounds exactly like something my mom would do, so I feel your pain. I’ve tried to include her in wedding things, but she just doesn’t care and she’s very hateful when she’s around. She didn’t tell me I look fat in my dress, but she did tell me how much she hates it. I know it can be really hard to deal with a mom like that–especially when it’s your wedding and you want to share the experiences with her–but you just have to try not to let it bother you. I know that is waaaaay easier said than done, but whenever I get upset about something that she has said or done or not done, I think of all the other ways my wedding is coming together perfectly. And that really helps. At the end of the day, you’re starting a marriage with your FH and what your mom says or doesn’t say isn’t going to affect that, so try not to take it to heart.
Also, if you are a size 00-2, then there is NO WAY you look fat in a dress. I can’t imagine that you look fat ever! Sounds like your mom is just bitter and critical and trying to bring you down. I know I haven’t seen pics of you in your dress, but I would bet that it looks gorgeous on you! And if you love it, then remember that and don’t listen to what she says!
Post # 4
@ShannonO84: Many women, regardless of their size or shape, look best when wearing supportive, foundational garments. However, the fact that your mother said what she said to you in the manner in which she did and in front of other people sadly says much more about your mother’s insecurities and critical nature than it says about any shortcomings involving your figure.
Please, please, please do not allow what she said to upset you or to steal your happiness over your dress.
Post # 5
@ShannonO84: You have to just ignore her comments (easier said than done, I know). My mom is the same way with me (I’m 5’7″ size 6), and I’m pretty sure it’s because she’s obsessed with fashion and the fashion industry.
Post # 6
Is she normally like this? Is she one of those people who has to put others down for everything to make herself feel better? If so we may be related because my sister is just like that and I won’t be around her. Is she a heavier person by chance?
First off, how do YOU think you looked in it? When you saw it on you did you have that magical moment? As teeny tiny as you are I’m still trying to figure out how you can have hips!
I would definitely sit down with her and let her know how much that hurt you. You can also set boundaries with her so that doesn’t happen again. If this is typical behavior for her, maybe she shouldn’t be with you when you get ready for your wedding.
I honestly think this is mom’s problem and not yours. Don’t take her to these kinds of things anymore. That was just beyond cruel.
Post # 7
Ugghhhh at “00/0/1/2/XXS/XS” you are no where near fat!
Does she need her eyes checked or something? Wow sorry she ruined your moment……try not to let it get you down sometimes the ones closest to us tend to do the most harm…..
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo
Do you have any pics so we can tell you how beautiful you are? 🙂
Post # 9
Oh honey, I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine what would go through anyone’s, let alone a mother’s, mind when she thinks it is okay to say that. Especially with the sizes you listed, you are the absolute FARTHEST thing from even being remotely overweight that is even possible. No one’s body stays the same forever, and so what if you don’t have your ballet body anymore? I don’t have my motocross body anymore, and that’s okay! Women especially develop a lot more when we’re not athletes any more.
Don’t let her hateful words bring you down honey. I’m sure you look incredible! In fact, I would love to see a picture of your gorgeousness if you have one!
Please, please don’t let her awful mood change how you feel about your gown. This statement was said from a place that I will never understand, especially a parent. She obviously has some underlying issues that she is not expressing, and it may be best not to include her as much as possible to avoid her negativity.
Post # 10
You know what? I’m sure you looked beautiful. I bet the other people in the store were horrified, and probably felt a bit sorry for you, that your mom culd be so cruel.
This is your mom’s issue, not yours. Not sure why she can’t be happy for you, but she is just plain wrong! You look beautiful in your dress and you sill make a lovely bride.
Post # 11
Thanks girls, it makes me feel better to hear such supportive words and, sadly, to know I am not alone in this type of instance :-/ She definitely IS very critical of me often, and it hurts me, but when I tell her she hurts me she gets defensive. She always has to be the victim. My bridal shower is coming up and I’m praying she doesn’t say anything rude or make me feel bad about myself at it because I just want to enjoy this time in my life!! I will send you some pictures of me in my dress when I get a hold of them (one of my bridesmaids took tons of pictures at the first fitting!). Thanks again, ladies.
Post # 12
@ShannonO84: What the hell?! What a bitch. Sorry but it’s true. Moms are NOT supposed to behave this way. I guess it is possible she is jealous of her own daughter.
If you did look bad/the dress was unflattering, she should have a) pointed it out when you bought it and b) have been MUCH more tactful about it than she was. It’s like she deliberately wanted to embarrass you.
Ugh. I am sure you look lovely. And this reflects poorly on her, not on you.
Post # 13
You know, you have to take control here. Dr. Phil says people treat us the way we allow them to.
Stop putting up with it! Just because she is your mother doesn’t mean you have to put with her treating you like crap.
When she gets defensive and pulls the victim routine, leave. Tell her when she wants to talk as an adult, you will get back with her.
Also, remember she can’t make you feel anything – you control that. You know she may pull something at the shower so if she does call her out on it. If she tells people at the shower you looked fat in your dress, you calmly look at her and say, “Really mom? I’m a size 1/2 and the seamstress did a great job. I felt beautiful in my dress.” Then put your attention elsewhere.
I have a very toxic sister who could be your mother. I call her out each and every time. She is so insecure about herself that she puts down anyone with a pulse. When I have to be with her (which is rare) and she pulls that crap I give her one warning and then I leave.
Remember, you CHOOSE how to react! You can’t control her crap, but you can choose to not let it affect you. I was raised by a toxic aunt who would pull crap like that. I put 300 miles between us and let her know I wasn’t putting up with the crap anymore. It was so refreshing!!
She isn’t going to change for your wedding, so minimize her role as much as you can and take care of the rest of everything without her.
Post # 14
I’m sorry! 🙁 I have no advice other than don’t listen to her. This is one situation where mother does not know best.
Can you maybe bring up to her how much it hurt your feelings?
Post # 15
@ShannonO84: Your mom is an emotionally abusive bitch. And if I were you, I’d tell her if she can’t keep her rude ass comments to herself, she is not welcome to the shower.
Post # 16
@hermom: @deetroitwhat: +1 to both of these.
Had I been one of your bridesmaids, my instant reaction would have been, “Oh HELL NO.”