(Closed) Mom told me we are "putting them out" (long vent)

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Kandiss16:  I’m sorry sweetie, sometimes people don’t realize what they’re saying is hurtful OR they know exactly how much it hurts and decide to say it anyway because they’re trying to gain control over a situation.

I wouldn’t engage in anymore discussions with your mother until you and your FI decide what works for you as far as this wedding goes….

Once you two know what you want, and I honestly think you’ve been pretty fair with your parents and their house up to this point, THEN you both sit down with them and hash it all out, because we certainly don’t want to put anyone out, or inconvenience anybody with this whole wedding, if its not going to work out at their house, you’ll find something else….if the money is just too tight on their end, tell them to save it….no amount of money and no house is worth having another person railroad your wedding into something that is rushed, badly executed or more stressful than it already is under the best of circumstances…

Besides, they can’t be the ONLY people on this Earth with a house you can get married at…maybe call Uncle Fred?

Post # 4
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Kandiss16:  So if I am understanding correctly, your parents practically insisted on hosting your wedding, used it as an excuse to renovate thier house, and your Mom is now complaining that those things are putting her out? 

 

If so, I’m glad you pointed that out to her. Your photographer will most likely want to take FI pictures with his family outside for natural light. Your Mom could still be getting ready inside or whatever she needs to do during that time, it’s not like she’d have to be entertaining company. Does she realize this? 

 

If she does, and she still feels inconvienenced I would begin to think there’s more to her feelings than she said. Perhaps explain your alternate plan and ask her if that would actually work better for everyone? (Your parents could come to Vegas after your respective Bachelor / Bachelorette parties so they don’t miss your ceremony. Surely plane tickets to Vegas and a few nights hotel is cheaper than half a wedding.) I’m not suggesting you do this in a threatening sort of “here’s what I’m going to do” way, but perhaps your parents are rethinking hosting and would be on board with a Vegas wedding? Just a thought.

 

Sorry I don’t have more advice. I know how tricky family stuff can get when wedding planning. Good luck! 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

you should. 

Post # 6
Member
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d put a stop to it right now.  Don’t take her money, and have the wedding somewhere else.  Vegas, a friend/family member’s house, anywhere but there.  At that point, you can stop feeling like you’re walking on explosive eggshells every time you disagree with her vision.  Having his family over early makes perfect sense, and getting the family shots done first gives you more time to spend with people during the actual wedding. 

I wouldn’t be mean about it.  Just tell her that she’s right, it’s just too much for you to ask of them.  So you’ve both decided the wedding will be held elsewhere.  And since they’ve already put so much into the house, that you can’t accept any financial help for the wedding.

 

Post # 8
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MariContrary:  +1 that’s the perfect response, IMO

Framing it as you taking a burden off her, she doesn’t really have an arguement against having it in Vegas

Post # 9
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Yikes, I’d tell her fine, you won’t have the wedding there and tell her you’ll send her a bill for the renovations you and your FI have paid for and get married in Vegas. To hold your wedding over your head after she INSISTED you get married there is crazy.

Post # 11
Member
4664 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MariContrary:  All of my this. We were originally involving others in our wedding planning, but the second they began trying to make us feel bad or take control, we said “thanks for your help but this is clearly a burden, we’ll take it from here” and we did. 

Vegas would be sounding good to me too about now.

Post # 12
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I wouldn’t engage in anymore discussions with your mother until you and your FI decide what works for you as far as this wedding goes….

Post # 13
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Kandiss16:  my family likes to find any way possible to drag their cross around the parking lot too. I don’t let them do anything for me. I’d end up paying for it 10 times over in belly aching.

Post # 15
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Kandiss16:  oh I’m so glad things are going to work out for you 🙂

Post # 16
Member
7730 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Kandiss16:  Sorry hon.  Glad things are better.  Sounds like it was just stress.  We’ve all said things we didn’t mean at tough times. 

The topic ‘Mom told me we are "putting them out" (long vent)’ is closed to new replies.

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