(Closed) Mom v. StepMom

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not to sound harsh here but I would tell me mom to buck up and act like an adult. She can ignore the step-kids, she doesn’t have to interact with them at all. She would really miss her daughters wedding because some people she didn’t like came?

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Double post.

 

Post # 5
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m sorry to say this, but your mom needs to put on her big girl panties and suck it up.  Your father has remarried, so they are now a family unit.  I’ve said this before, but weddings are where precedents are set.  If you allow this behavior now, she’ll do the same thing when it’s time for your children, birthday parties, etc.  Encouraging bad behavior does not make it stop.  Gently and politely tell her that his family, including his children (step children or not, doesn’t matter) are all invited.  Say that you hope she will be able to accept and understand this, and if she cannot, you will miss her terribly at the wedding.  No getting upset and crying, just a calm statement. 

 

Post # 7
Member
46387 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Unfortunately, weddings do cause hurt feelings to surface for a lot of people. I do not however, think that gives these people the right to blackmail the bride to get their way.

I would tell my Mom that I am sorry, but she doesn’t get to dictate my Dad’s guest list anymore than he gets to dictate hers. I would also tell her that it is very hurtful for her to behave this way. No child should have to choose which parent to offend.

I expect all of them to behave like civil adults at the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with PPs. You mom needs to act like an adult and realize that this day has nothing to do with her and her problems with your dad.

Post # 9
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with your mom.  These kids were not siblings to you.  In fact, you have very little relationship, so I cannot understand why they would be there.  

My step moms kids were not invited.  It was hard enough for my mother having the other woman there.  I think your dad needs to change his guests to some friends or co-workers.  

I finally got my dad to scrounge up a few guests, but he still couldn’t fill a table.  

Post # 10
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I agree with PPs.  Mom needs to set aside her issues for the wedding.  I wouldn’t even have another discussion about it.  I would inform mom that the stepkids are invited and that is the end of it.  Make sure you seat your parents as far apart as possible at the ceremony and reception.

Post # 11
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

tell your mom to grow up

Post # 12
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsTVLover:  +1 Looks like we are in the minority here, but I agree with the mom. Especially since you are not even close to her children.

Post # 13
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Sea_Ashley:  It sounds pretty similar to my situation.  I think it’s totally inappropriate for her dad to think he can bring his new wife’s children to a family event.  Ridiculous!

ETA: I agree your mom is going about this the wrong way, but I think her feelings should be really taken into account here.  Especially if she is not remarried or bringing a date.

Post # 15
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree your mom isn’t handling this the best way, but your not even close with the step-kids.   My dad has been with his g/f for 5 years or so, I grew up across the street from h er and her kids.  I didn’t invite them to our wedding, and I wasn’t invited to theirs.  I haven’t seen them in years. 

Post # 16
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sarangeo:  Unfortunately I think you made a mistake when you let each parent choose 10 guests. Your dad’s stepkids are not close to you in any way, and really have no business being at your wedding. I agree they shouldn’t be invited.

I suggest you toss out the “10 guests each” offer. Instead, ask each of them who they would like to invite, and you look at them on a case by case basis, depending on how close they are to YOU. e.g. The next neighbour who saw you grow up? Yes, because you know them. Your mom or dad’s work partner? No, because you’ve virtually never met them. And stepmother kids? No, because you hardly know them either.

EDIT: Though it may be too late for this. If you don’t think you can do that, or just want them there (for the sake of your dad) then you just invite them all and let tell your mom she’ll have to put up with it, and anyway she’ll be surrounded by 10 of her friends. I agree this is a difficult situation!

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