Post # 17
So the situation has evolved into something quite different since yesterday afternoon.
I spoke to my dad last night. We talked for a long while and he was upset that I was excluding his family from a “family event”. I tried explaining to him that I understand and respect they are now his family, but he has to realize that he has TWO families and we have always been divided that way. He says his wife doesn’t want to stay for the reception because her kids weren’t welcome. So they will be attending the ceremony, he will be walking me down the aisle, but they will leave before our planned father-daughter dance and toast. Is it not selfish, spiteful, and manipulative of his wife to make him choose her family over his yougest daughter (and child of flesh and blood)? They have never shown any intention to unite the two families before. If it really meant so much for stepmother to have the step siblings feel integrated as one family, then she should have initiated something on her own accord.
Also, one of step’s daughters is currently engaged. I’m nearly certain it never crossed her mind to invite me nor my other siblings. I only know she’s engaged because she wanted to bring her fiance to my wedding! Granted, I live across the country and would porbably not attend, but my siblings live in the same area and they never interact with one another. Why am I being held to a different standard?
Post # 18
@sarangeo: So sorry to hear that OP. Your parents are both acting badly. I hope he will realize his mistake and change his mind.
Post # 19
@sarangeo: This is out of control. I just read through the posts & am so sorry you are having to go through this. I am a big believer that your guest list is entirely up to you and Fiance. No one else should get to tell you who you HAVE to have at your wedding & then minipulate you when they don’t get their way by saying they are taking something away from you.
I totally get YOU not wanting your adult-step siblings at your wedding but that is NOT your mom’s decision to make & it wasn’t cool when she said she wouldn’t go to the wedding if they were there. And now that you’ve expressed to your dad that you don’t really want them there he’s got his wife making him choose between you and her. Oh heck no she didn’t just go there! My dad’s EX-wife did that once, & it may have taken him years to figure it out but lets just say I’m still his daughter and she’s an EX. If you dad doesn’t stay around for your father daughter dance and skips out because his wifey’s feelings are hurt in my books that’s unforgivable. He’s basically saying she’s more important to you and that family #2 is more important then your one and only wedding day. That breaks my heart because your wedding day is about YOU and no one else! Why would your step siblings even want to be there, you guys aren’t even friends?
I am SO sorry you are having to go through this!
Post # 20
I’d back up my mom. You don’t have much of a relationship with your step-siblings but you do with your mom. It’s supposed to be a happy night for the people YOU love. I probably wouldn’t even invite the stepmom after what she did, honestly, she seems like she’ll just bring negative energy to your happy wedding.
Post # 21
@sarangeo: You really need to have a serious “come to Jesus” talk with your dad and ask him WHY he would let his new wife ruin his relationship with you. Remind him that you have no relationship with your stepsiblings and you are not invited to your stepsister’s wedding.
Personally, I’m psycho at times and I would talk to your stepmother one and one and tell her how selfish SHE is. You are not even invited to your stepsister’s wedding so what makes her so special?
Post # 22
Hopefully it is not too late, but I agree with poster saying that YOU get to decide who to invite and if you dont know SM’s kids, no need to invite. Tell Dad he can have HIS siblings, their kids whatever.
Post # 23
Yeah tell your mom to suck it up. I don’t see why the step kids should be punished for their mom’s rudeness. If you gave your dad ten guests and he only picked three it seems rude to tell him that it can’t be ‘those three’. Specifically not inviting them to that extent will really make it difficult for you to build relationships with them later on.
Post # 24
The stepkids are not being punished, they barely know the bride and groom. If bride and groom are paying they get to decide invites. Telling Dad he can make decision is not required.
Post # 25
@sarangeo: What can I say but I agree. Your dad’s behaviour is terrible. I can understand the wife being upset if these were children in her care, but these are independent adults. Independent adults aren’t attached to their parents and don’t automatically tag along with them to events.
I speak from experience: I have 2 stepsiblings because my mother remarried when I was an adult. I’ve met each of them only once. They are nice enough people but they are not my family. My mother has married into their family, but I have not.
You should explain to your father that it’s not fair that he is putting his stepchildren (who probably don’t even want to be there) ahead of his own daughter. And remind him that you’re (almost certainly) not invited to the stepchildren’s weddings.
Post # 26
@sarangeo: in this case I’m the complete opposite, obviously this lady has caused a rift and ur mom is tolerating her attending. Of it was me I’d hav to tell my dad politely that they rest cannot attend to keep the peace. Explain why and he should understand. I completely see where ur mom is coming from and if he truly did “abandon” his family it’s nt a great feeling.
Post # 27
@Birdee106: me too!
My friend is going through something similar. Her dad has had a gf for a while, and her parents have been seperated for quite some time. She has a good relationship with both parents, and with the das girlfriend, so why shouldnt she be invited? I think any immediate family member, like parents and siblings should always get aplus 1 . Her mom threatened to not come to the wedding if she was invited, and my friend was so crushed. Miss your daughters wedding cause you cant stand ONE person? Gtfo yourself.
Post # 28
@Liss13: That’s s different situation. No one in the original scenario – neither OP nor her mother – is denying the father a +1 (his wife). The problem is the father wants a +4 – he also wants to bring his 3 adult stepchildren, who have no connection to the bride,
That said, the behaviour of both OP’s parents is deplorable. One says he won’t come if the stepchildren aren’t invited, one says she won’t come if they are invited. Both parents should grow up and stop blackmailing their daughter.
Post # 29
@paula1248: oh yeah definately! Ihate the parent guilt that these bees are going through. Its ridiculous