Post # 1
Greetings all! I am new to Weddingbee and my wedding is just around the corner, 31 days and counting! I am writing today because I have encountered an enormously awkward and emotional situation between my mother and my future husband, and I need some serious advice.
To start my mother’s best friend (MBF) is as of now not invited to our wedding. The story here is that my MBF has an incredibly rude and intolerable boyfriend. Upon the first meeting between my fiance and her boyfriend there were several rude remarks made by this individual to my fiance. Since this initial meeting I have made it clear to my mom that if her friend and her boyfriend are scheduled to be at any family gatherings, my fiance and I will not be attending. My fiance now associates my MBF with her boyfriend and has stated that he would not like her invited to the wedding.
Flash forward to now, 31 days til our wedding and my mom sends me a letter stating that she’s afraid that if her friend doesn’t receive an invite their friendship will be over. They have been friends for more years than I’m alive and to make matters even more awkward they are coworkers. My mom has promised that her friend will not bring her boyfriend to the wedding, but I’m afraid to even broach the subject with my fiance because I already know that he doesn’t want her there. I’m hurting my mom and I don’t like that feeling, but I don’t want to start a fight with my future hubby now. We’re supposed to be happy now, and I just feel agonizingly stressed to the max.
What would you do? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Post # 3
Your in a tough situation. I would try talking to Fiance, and stress that the MBF will not bring her boyfriend. If you see that he gets really upset then I would just drop it and tell your Mother that it’s both yours and his wedding, and if he isn’t comfortable with having her Boyfriend or Best Friend attend then so be it. Easier said than done but I think in this situation there is no in between. Good Luck and let us know what happens.
Post # 4
Thanks Penguin Love! i’m going to talk to Fiance tonight!
Post # 5
The lady didn’t do anything to you.
Give her a break.
Post # 6
I would send her an invitation without a plus one. If she asks if she can bring her boyfriend, tell her that you are just so sorry, but there is no room.
If she comments at the wedding about how there would have actually been room, tell her you had a lot of no shows. 🙂
Post # 7
I say you have to go with what your fiance wants.
Post # 8
@to.be.a.mrs.: I would invite her but tell your Fiance first. Let him know that she is an important part of your life and you want her there but her Boyfriend is not invited. If he is cool with that , then have the conversation with her and let her know the invitation is for her and her only.
Post # 9
Your Fiance is fixing to be your Darling Husband and with that comes new loyalty… to him.. not the madre.
It does stink b/c of who the person is BUT this is YOUR wedding and not your mom’s so if MBF wants to make a stink then your mom just needs to come to the resolve that it wasn’t her decision to make… and since it wasn’t her decision to make her friend of forver should be understanding enough to not go and end the friendship.
Your FH has established his feelings on it and it doesn’t seem to be completely unreasonable… stand with him and respect his wishes and the decision you already made together.
Keep the decision you ALREADY made is important b/c it shows that you will actually stand with him in times that can get sticky and uncomfortable and not undermined him just to smooth things over with someone else. <– BIG DEAL for guys in marriage.
Post # 10
What do you want? We took the route that my side is mine and DH’s was his. There was a woman I didn’t want to invite from DH’s side but I never put him in the awkward position of having to say no. This woman is not the one who was rude. There is loyalty yes to your husband but there is also compromising if he’s being unrealistic.
Post # 11
@runsyellowlites: Exactly what you said
Post # 12
I agree that loyalties change, but if your mom’s BFF is compromising and saying that her bf won’t come, then your Fiance needs to be ok with it. Talk to him and convince him that she needs to be there.
Honestly, if it were MY mom’s best friend, I would want her there, too. It wouldn’t just be about my mom vs my Fiance, it would be ME and my mom vs my Fiance.
Post # 14
I feel sorry for the MBF. I bet she was there when you were little, like an Aunty to you. Being your mums best friend probably makes them closer than sisters. I’m sure she loves you (both) very much. It wasn’t HER who was rude.
If I were you I’d talk to my fiance. I’m sure he doesn’t want to cause this big rift between him and his future Mother-In-Law, right? This could become between the two of them. It’s her future son-in-law and her best friend…
Ask him if he wants the relationship with your mum to be damaged permanently. That’s the risk he’s taking.
If he really says he doesn’t want her there then stick by him. It’s his wedding. But I’d also wonder about his ability to forgive and be gracious with people. Sorry if that hurts, this is just my opinion.
Post # 16
Hey guys, Just thought I’d give you an update. I spoke with Fiance and he is okay with her coming as long as her boyfriend doesn’t come with her. Thanks for all the advice, crisis diverted! Have a great Wednesday!