(Closed) Mom vs Step mom…help!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mb0384:  Hi dear!

Fair warning: you may get some posts that will say your “mom needs to get over it”. However they’ve probably never felt the pain of adultry and rejection. It stings.

For the sake of your mother, as this is HER daughter’s wedding day, you need to kindly tell stepmother that you’ve already got that taken care of and she does not need to come.

“Stepmother, thank you for that but we’ve already have enough help”

If you keeps asking I would bluntly tell her “I need to consider my mother”.

If  she does come, you will be too nervous to do any work because you will be looking after your mother.


How is their relationship overwise??

Post # 4
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t know what I would do but you should really think about what is more important to you.  Having a drama free morning or getting some extra help.  Will your mom make a scene, will your step mom make a scene if she isn’t included?  How close are you to step mom? 

What about finding a compromise and have  her come help set up and then leave when it is time for everyone to get ready?  I wish I could help but I just don’t know much about the situation.  Have you asked your mom how she would feel about her being there?

Post # 5
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@mb0384:  My mom and stepmom are in a similar situation.  I solved it by having the GMs set up along with our DOC.  If I needed the BMs to set up and the moms can’t be in the same room then I would just have my mom.  I would apologize to my stepmom about it but at the end of the day, my mom is my mom and I would respect on this one and not force her to spend extra time with my stepmom.  They are both expectd to deal with each other and be on their best behavior with one another at the ceremony and reception.

Post # 6
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with telling SM, we have it covered, and keep repeating.  If she is so is so dense she doesnt understand, then she is not undersrtanding and should then be told, no my mom and the BMs have it covered.

Post # 7
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@LuvMySailor:  + 1

As tempting as it is to accept the help — and acknowledging that you may actually have good relationship with your stepmom and want her there — I think your Mom’s feelings & anxiety should be taken into account. 

Post # 8
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@mb0384:  Before I respond in greater detail, I would like to ask a question. Are your father and stepmother hosting and/or paying for part of your wedding and/or reception?

Post # 9
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh please, even if dad and SM is paying, I would strongly suggest to SM that she not be part of the set up group.

Post # 10
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No way, you need to respect your mom’s feelings and tell your stepmother that you don’t need any more help.

Post # 11
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would be nice to stepmom as she’s only trying to help.  Weddings tend to bring on a lot of emotion.  You seem to have a good rapport with stepmom & at the end of the day, dad left & has been gone for 20 years.  So, yes, tell her that you don’t need any help.  And put something special in place for mom, bigger corsage, special chair cover or sash so she knows she’s the Qyeen Bee, but don’t make stepmom feel badly for being helpful.

Post # 13
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@mb0384:  I would take your mom to the side and tell her while you love her and understand why it would be so painful to see your step mom it would mean so much if she could put that aside for the wedding and focus on you and you in return will make sure step mom is on her best behavior. I think your mom should understand this and having a pre-situation talk with her will help her remember she is keeping calm cool and collected for her daughter on one of the biggest days of her life. Then, I would have the same talk with step mom in the way of “I know this is awkward and uncomfortable but if you could set that aside for one day I really appreciate your help and want you there but lets all get along on such a special day” and she should feel obligated then to try her best to behave as well. Good luck! 

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