(Closed) Mom vs. Stepmom and wedding dress shopping

posted 5 years ago in Dress
  • poll: Would you have them come wedding dress shopping together or separate?

    Together

    Separate

  • Post # 2
    Member
    531 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    If they don’t get along at all, why would you even consider bringing them together? If they wouldn’t go on a normal shopping trip together, they won’t suddenly get along just because it’s wedding dress shopping. Book multiple appointments and bring them separately.

    Here’s the thing about weddings: they don’t magically fix things, like relationships or family problems. If anything, it might exacerbate the animosity between your mom and stepmom as they may feel they need to jockey for the position of “mother of the bride.” Be aware that you’ll probably need to tread very carefully during your planning to avoid hurting any feelings.

    Post # 3
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I agree with the post above. Alternative is to take one shopping and one to your alteration appointments 

    Post # 4
    Member
    380 posts
    Helper bee

    I’d alternate between them so they feel included. Go initially with your stepmom who you’re closest to, when you’ve found a few dresses you like at a few different places book second appointments to see them with your mom so she can give her opinion and feel like she has the “final say”.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1929 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I feel like alternating between them at different appointments kinda sucks, so I would talk to both of them and just stress that you’d like for them to put their differences aside for this occasion, because they’re both important to you and you’d like to share the experience with both of them.

    Of course, that depends how badly they don’t get along. If it’s something they’d be able to do for you, then that’d be awesome! Assuming that you’d be comfortable with it 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

    I agree with snookpower.  I think that is a good idea. Hopefully your mom doesn’t ask you anything about how you decided on those options. Just let her know that you value her opinion and wanted her to help you pick the dress from the ones that you like the best.

    Post # 7
    Member
    295 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    If you feel strongly about wanting them both to be there, is there a third person you could invite who would act as a buffer (sibling, friend who knows them both, FMIL)?

    Post # 8
    Member
    2274 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’d ask EACH of them whether they’d prefer to play nice and come together or neither have the dress shopping experience but each have a secondary “special” experience separately.

    Let them know that you’d overwhelmingly prefer to have them BOTH with you but that you will have to regretfully miss that if they can’t call a temporary truce.

    I think bad feelings generated by choosing one or the other would be very difficult to heal.

    My wonderful DIL finessed this by having HER mom go to her first dress search, then having her MOHs and me with her mom for her final selection. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Ask them. If they aren’t comfortable go on seperate trips. Is one of them paying for/helping pay for the dress? If so I’d take her to the second appointment and the other one to the first.

    Post # 10
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I say ask them.  I would also make sure they both get to see “the one” before purchasing.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    halverson2018 :  Who do you perceive being the problem? Your mom or stepmom? I’d just have a chat with the problem child prior to shopping letting them know that you want a happy and drama-filled day.

    I had a similar situation in that I’m closer with my stepmom than my mom. Thankfully they could have managed to be in the same place without causing a fuss, neither of them went shopping with me. My mom lives several states away, and my stepmom opted out as shopping is not her thing and she didn’t want to step mom my mom’s toes.

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