Post # 1
My mom and Stepmom (I call her bonus mom) do not get along at all I’m getting married soon and wedding dress shopping is right around the corner.. I want them to both come but I don’t know how to make it work!
Me and my bonus mom are very close and have a better than me and my mom.. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel uncomfortable.
Post # 2
If they don’t get along at all, why would you even consider bringing them together? If they wouldn’t go on a normal shopping trip together, they won’t suddenly get along just because it’s wedding dress shopping. Book multiple appointments and bring them separately.
Here’s the thing about weddings: they don’t magically fix things, like relationships or family problems. If anything, it might exacerbate the animosity between your mom and stepmom as they may feel they need to jockey for the position of “mother of the bride.” Be aware that you’ll probably need to tread very carefully during your planning to avoid hurting any feelings.
Post # 3
I agree with the post above. Alternative is to take one shopping and one to your alteration appointments
Post # 4
I’d alternate between them so they feel included. Go initially with your stepmom who you’re closest to, when you’ve found a few dresses you like at a few different places book second appointments to see them with your mom so she can give her opinion and feel like she has the “final say”.
Post # 5
I feel like alternating between them at different appointments kinda sucks, so I would talk to both of them and just stress that you’d like for them to put their differences aside for this occasion, because they’re both important to you and you’d like to share the experience with both of them.
Of course, that depends how badly they don’t get along. If it’s something they’d be able to do for you, then that’d be awesome! Assuming that you’d be comfortable with it 🙂
Post # 6
I agree with snookpower. I think that is a good idea. Hopefully your mom doesn’t ask you anything about how you decided on those options. Just let her know that you value her opinion and wanted her to help you pick the dress from the ones that you like the best.
Post # 7
If you feel strongly about wanting them both to be there, is there a third person you could invite who would act as a buffer (sibling, friend who knows them both, FMIL)?
Post # 8
I’d ask EACH of them whether they’d prefer to play nice and come together or neither have the dress shopping experience but each have a secondary “special” experience separately.
Let them know that you’d overwhelmingly prefer to have them BOTH with you but that you will have to regretfully miss that if they can’t call a temporary truce.
I think bad feelings generated by choosing one or the other would be very difficult to heal.
My wonderful DIL finessed this by having HER mom go to her first dress search, then having her MOHs and me with her mom for her final selection.
Post # 9
Ask them. If they aren’t comfortable go on seperate trips. Is one of them paying for/helping pay for the dress? If so I’d take her to the second appointment and the other one to the first.
Post # 10
I say ask them. I would also make sure they both get to see “the one” before purchasing.
Post # 11
Who do you perceive being the problem? Your mom or stepmom? I’d just have a chat with the problem child prior to shopping letting them know that you want a happy and drama-filled day.
I had a similar situation in that I’m closer with my stepmom than my mom. Thankfully they could have managed to be in the same place without causing a fuss, neither of them went shopping with me. My mom lives several states away, and my stepmom opted out as shopping is not her thing and she didn’t want to step mom my mom’s toes.