Post # 1
Alright drama mamas, here’s some s$&@!
so my mom asks me yesterday if I hired a hair lady yet. I say yes to do the hair for all 5 of us… She then says “why it’s only me, you, and your sister?”
I’m thinking… Here we go. My mom is a very “my way or the highway” person.
she then states that it’s only going to be her, me, and my sister getting ready at my parents house. I told her “well Mother-In-Law and sister in law want to get their hair done too” (I am very close with them as well, she has never met them) she freaks out telling me that her home is not a holiday inn and it’s only going to be me, her and my sister. She starts cussing me out saying she has “lost me to those flakes” (referring to his family who she has had zero interaction with ever) I told her “okay if you don’t want them at your house we can all meet at my hotel and get ready there” That just escalated it and she said she would be getting ready by herself and called me a selfish bitch
She was also pissed that my fiancé is paying for his moms hair as her wedding gift (you can’t buy her anything she loses everything, I bought my mom a physical gift) saying “oh I’m so glad he’s paying for HER hair, I paid for the whole wedding, he needs to get her a real gift that family is stupid”.
am I being a total meanie for wanting to get ready with everyone and not just my mom and sister? I’ve never been a part of a wedding so I dont know what to do. My bridesmaids are not getting their hair and makeup done professionally but are welcome to come to the hotel and be a part of it. My SIL and Mother-In-Law are total lowkey sweethearts so there is no reason my mom should not want to be with them. my fiancé is half Lebanese and I am Heinz 57 white. our first year of dating she flipped because she swore he was Muslim (she is racist, and no one in his family is religious). Ever since then she has hated his family. I am terrified this is going to ruin my wedding. Ahh I feel so much better typing it out. I don’t want to vent to my friends because they may blab drama at the wedding making it worse Lol
Post # 2
Sadly ironic that your mom is calling you the selfish bitch, when that’s exactly how she’s behaving. I don’t know what to advise you though, your mom sounds like she thrives on drama and makes everything all about her. Normally I would say of course have whoever you want included- in laws, friends etc, but there is the very real concern that she may make things tense and awkward or worse. But I hate seeing a racist bullying tyrant treating you this way and getting away with it. Is there a family member’s help you can count on to try and keep your mother from creating drama the day of?
p.s. but I would go with the hotel setting over mother’s house for sure
Post # 3
Don’t reward her behaviour by agreeing to get ready just the three of you. Its YOUR wedding. They will be related to her whether she likes it or not.
I would say this is nothing to do with the hair and more her personal feelings.
Is it worth getting them to meet before discussing this any further with her? Maybe on neutral ground like a restaurant for dinner? It could ease the tensions and allow for her to accept the new family?
You are not a meanie! Like I said before, it is YOUR wedding and its about YOU. 🙂
Post # 4
thanks so much for the kind words… She has a way of beating me down emotionally (hence why I moved 500 miles away) I loooooove the idea of enlisting someone to distract her day of… I will work on figuring out who that person will be. It sucks because everythino I do I do it with her in mind. Blah! Can’t pick your family!
Post # 5
Mother-In-Law lives in Tennessee, I live in sonoma ca, and mom lives in SoCal, so very far apart! Lol they will be meeting at the rehearsal dinner 4 days before the wedding though… Hopefully that goes well 🙂 I hadn’t even thought about that, I was so distraught over this particular incident. That should work because then she will see they look like normal white people! (but who knows with my mom, crazy that it even matters)
Also right about needing to shift the focus to me. She has had 2 weddings! lol
Post # 6
Easier said than done granted- she can like it or lump it. Sounds like she is choosing to passive agressively lump it. Her loss. Boo. Tears. As she let you live with the consequences of your actions now you can give her the same in return. So sad when grown ups can’t act like adults
Post # 7
that is exactly what my fiancé said. He even said “why is she acting like such a child???” Very hard to calmly communicate with her. Thanks for the cut-dry advice. I needed it 🙂
Post # 8
It sounds like your mom will make it a miserable time if you all get ready together, but I don’t think you should give into her demands. Have everyone meet at your hotel and tell your mom she is welcome to come. If she doesn’t then it’s her fault she missed out!
Post # 9
Your mom sounds very controlling and inflexible, not to mention stressed out, but I will say that the whole “getting ready” thing is a relatively recent Pinterest and photographer inspired phenomenon that was never done years ago to the extent it is now.
Many brides got ready at home with their moms. Bridesmaids and the in laws were responsible for their own hair and makeup and everyone met up at the ceremony venue in the bridal suite for finishing touches. Your mother is no doubt coming from that tradition. Maybe she envisioned spending this special time with just you. Not that it justifies her behavior, and her offensive language, because it doesn’t. But maybe it will help explain it.
Post # 10
I think that’s what I will do. Thanks so much for the advice… The wedding is in 22 days let’s hope she gets some zanies or something for the day of lol… that’s a great plan. That way she can’t claim she was left out!
Post # 11
Definitely not being a meanie. If you want to get ready with everyone then you should. Maybe if you mum had spoken to you nicely about it then things would be different but she forfeited the chance of you thinking about it by acting like she has.
Post # 12
I totally see what you are saying. And yes she is very traditional. I’m just going to to tell her that it’s easier for me to get ready at the hotel because im staying there the night before and it’s right next to the venue, (while her house is an hour away from the venue)
the pinterest thing kills me lol! I actually asked the photographer to not take any pics besides my mom putting my great grandmas pearls on me, which we will do at the venue, so there will not even be a photographer at the hotel. the overly posed pictures of the bridesmaids on the bed and all the other poses give me anxiety. I think it’s cute when other brides do it, I just can’t lol
Post # 13
you are right on the money. Like the other bee said it could be not the traditional way of getting ready like she’s familiar with but calling me names was definitely not the route to go to get her way.
She used to be drop dead gorgeous (she went to a michael Bolton concert when she was 27 and Michael climbed over the seats in the middle of a song to give her a kiss on the cheek lol) I think she has some weird complex about how she doesn’t get her way anymore because she’s not super young and hot Like she used to be. It’s super bizarre, the drama tantrums are off the charts
Post # 14
Wow your mom sounds like a bully…
Post # 15
I’m sorry your dealing with this, it stinks that your mom doesn’t want to know the In laws.
I’m having a real hard time with my mom getting over herself too. My mom didn’t want me to invite his mother to go dress shopping with me. I wanted to and felt I had to because she has always wanted a daughter, and her other son who lives out of state is getting married, so I know it pains her that she can’t be as involved in their wedding. So I try to make up from it by having her involved in my wedding as much as I can. I explained all of this to me, who has met her and actually likes her, and she said well that’s not my problem she didn’t have a girl! I was like it’s not hers either, she’s coming. Then she got all weird about this being her moment as mother of the bride and it was being taken from her…. whatever the appt went fine but my mom said a snide comment after.
Moral of the stort, just put your foot down and make it clear you want them there!