(Closed) Mom wants me to get ready with only her

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

Sadly ironic that your mom is calling you the selfish bitch, when that’s exactly how she’s behaving. I don’t know what to advise you though, your mom sounds like she thrives on drama and makes everything all about her. Normally I would say of course have whoever you want included- in laws, friends etc, but there is the very real concern that she may make things tense and awkward or worse. But I hate seeing a racist bullying tyrant treating you this way and getting away with it. Is there a family member’s help you can count on to try and keep your mother from creating drama the day of?

p.s. but I would go with the hotel setting over mother’s house for sure

Post # 3
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Don’t reward her behaviour by agreeing to get ready just the three of you. Its YOUR wedding. They will be related to her whether she likes it or not.

I would say this is nothing to do with the hair and more her personal feelings.

Is it worth getting them to meet before discussing this any further with her? Maybe on neutral ground like a restaurant for dinner? It could ease the tensions and allow for her to accept the new family?

You are not a meanie! Like I said before, it is YOUR wedding and its about YOU. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Easier said than done granted- she can like it or lump it. Sounds like she is choosing to passive agressively lump it. Her loss. Boo. Tears. As she let you live with the consequences of your actions now you can give her the same in return. So sad when grown ups can’t act like adults

Post # 8
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds like your mom will make it a miserable time if you all get ready together, but I don’t think you should give into her demands. Have everyone meet at your hotel and tell your mom she is welcome to come. If she doesn’t then it’s her fault she missed out! 

Post # 9
13652 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Your mom sounds very controlling and inflexible, not to mention stressed out, but I will say that the whole “getting ready” thing is a relatively recent Pinterest and photographer inspired phenomenon that was never done years ago to the extent it is now.

Many brides got ready at home with their moms. Bridesmaids and the in laws were responsible for their own hair and makeup and everyone met up at the ceremony venue in the bridal suite for finishing touches. Your mother is no doubt coming from that tradition. Maybe she envisioned spending this special time with just you. Not that it justifies her behavior, and her offensive language, because it doesn’t. But maybe it will help explain it. 



Post # 11
2193 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definitely not being a meanie. If you want to get ready with everyone then you should. Maybe if you mum had spoken to you nicely about it then things would be different but she forfeited the chance of you thinking about it by acting like she has. 

Post # 14
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Wow your mom sounds like a bully… 

Post # 15
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry your dealing with this, it stinks that your mom doesn’t want to know the In laws. 

I’m having a real hard time with my mom getting over herself too. My mom didn’t want me to invite his mother to go dress shopping with me. I wanted to and felt I had to because she has always wanted a daughter, and her other son who lives out of state is getting married, so I know it pains her that she can’t be as involved in their wedding. So I try to make up from it by having her involved in my wedding as much as I can. I explained all of this to me, who has met her and actually likes her, and she said well that’s not my problem she didn’t have a girl! I was like it’s not hers either, she’s coming. Then she got all weird about this being her moment as mother of the bride and it was being taken from her…. whatever the appt went fine but my mom said a snide comment after. 

Moral of the stort, just put your foot down and make it clear you want them there!

Good luck!

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