(Closed) Mom wants to come to first appt.

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

maybe you could tell her this appointment is just going over histories and boring stuff, but that you’d love to have her there for another appointment- like an ultrasound, those are more fun anyway!

Post # 4
46675 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Time for mom to let go of the apron strings. Just tell her you would rather not have company for this appointment. Maybe later.


Post # 5
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I could tell that my mom really wanted to come to my first appt.  She said that if Darling Husband was unable to make it that she would come with me.  Darling Husband didn’t come but I lied to her and told her he did!  I know it’s horrible but I was just so much more calm being able to go by myself.  NOW she is already bugging me that she wants to be in the delivery room with me.  But that’s another story for another thread…

Post # 6
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My mom tried to pull the same stuff and wants to be in the delivery room.  I point blank told her no and I meant it.  To me my comfort is more important than hurting her feelings.  Sorry mom!

Post # 7
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with PPs- you have to stand your ground with her now or you’ll face pressure from her throughout the rest of your pregnancy. I would say something short and simple like “thanks for the offer mom but I think I’ll handle this one on my own. I’d love for you to join me for a different appointment later on- maybe the ultrasound or one later on in the pregnancy, once we’ll be able to hear the heart beat and find out more about the baby.”

Post # 8
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Try to phrase it so that you’re thinking of her interest.  The first appointment is typically long because the doctor asks you about a million questions since they have to download your entire medical history and relevant medical issues in one appoinment.  Then they do a pap culture.  Pretty awkward if your mom is hearing all about your sexual history and then watches them take a pap culture.  Explain to her that it’ll be long and boring and kind of awkward and they won’t do the ultrasound until the next appointment anyway.  Or just be honest and say you’re not comfortable with her being there just yet.  Maybe she could wait until the next appointment.

Post # 9
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

If you were 17 I could see the possibility but for me, this is something only for you and your husband or for you alone in that matter. This is one of those pushy, I am butting my nose into your business even though you are a functioning adult things parents do. My Mother-In-Law is famous for this and it drives me INSANE! I could see my Mother-In-Law doing this and also asking to be in the delivery room, she is severly mistaken. Like a PP said, standing my ground is more important to me than hurting anyones feelings. If you allow them to make you feel like a pushover now, it won’t stop there.

Post # 10
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I would tell her no, but personally I wouldn’t even be “maybe another time”.  She’ll keep bugging you and if that’s not something that you want her to keep asking you about you have to nip it now.  

Post # 12
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would just tell her the truth, you’re not comfortable with it. They’re probably going to give you an exam, and your mom doesn’t need to be there to see that. Let her know you’ll call her ASAP after your apt. and let her know what happened. My mom works right down the street from my OB so I always stop by after my apts and it makes her feel better.

Post # 13
21 posts
  • Wedding: January 2010

i would tell her exactly what you just told us, be honest, she reallly needs to respect your wishes with the baby. Maybe offer to let her come when you find out the gender..

Post # 14
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Tell her “no”. Just tell her you’d like to go by yourself and that you’ll let her know if you want her to be at a future appointment (you may change your mind). But if you don’t put your foot down now you could end up with her around for everything and calling the shots.

Post # 15
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Marriage is about making boundaries with your family.

Tell her no. It’s not her baby. She doesn’t need to be there.

Post # 16
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with the others to say no now and don’t beat around the bush. Be upfront and honest or it will spirial out of control.

I told my mom upfront that this an experience with my husband and I to share. She has already been through this with my sister and I and now its my turn. I had to do the same thing with my sister as well. She already has two kids of her own and has been through this all before.

I really want each appointment to be special with my husband and I and they understood. Maybe my next baby or the one after that I would include them, but not now, not with my first.

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