Post # 31
I agree that participating in the gift exchange but simply not attending is tacit approval (so to speak) of their choice to shun. If it were me, I’d not attend, participate, etc., just like any other excluded couple who lives down the street or bowls on the same league or whatever.
Post # 32
ela0919: I’d also agree with this. I don’t think you should just show up with your husband. Being in an interracial relationship, I can say the last thing you want to do is put your partner in a toxic environment. He should only be subjected to your parents when they’re ready to welcome him into their lives.
Post # 33
i would not show up at all and possibly cut your mother out of your life. I have a sister who is a lesbian. That being said I’m not for gay/lesbian marriage and I am a traditional person when it comes to that. That being said I do support my sisters relationship with her significant other because she’s a important enough person in my life that I’ll do anything for her which means supporting her and adknowdging her gf as well as making an effort to get to know her and build a relationship with her. At the end of the day I don’t agree with the relationship but I support it. Op.. Your mother doesn’t have to agree to your relationship with your husband but she needs to support it, acknowledge him, invite him to events and form a bond with him.
Post # 34
I feel sorry for your husband. You are not sticking up for him at all in this.
Post # 35
If your mom doesn’t want your whole family then why should she get any part of it. I’m not sure the back ground. But I know there is no way I would be with a man who had me stay home to exchange Christmas presents because his mom didng accept me. You need to stop interacting with someone who is essentially disrespecting your marriage, husband, and you.
Post # 36
NFLwidow: Yes, absolutely.
Post # 37
Sorry guys, I forgot that I posted this! For the record im not gay. The best way I can summarize it is, somehow my husband and I fell in love. Hes 40 years older than me. Were perfectly normal people and I dont know how but we make each other so happy. Childhood was great but there was a fair share of abuse from my mom going on. I moved out the moment I legally could, doing so secretly because I, for whatever reason, felt that was the most ethical way to handle the situation. Although we did nothing illegal, we liked each other and my parents knew it and were reasonably unhappy. Weve lived together for many years and finally tied the knot. I know Im destined to become a widow at a younger age but he makes me so happy that Its worth the inevitable loss (but who knows maybe ill get hit by a bus). For this, she’ll never accept him. And i love my mother, i dont want to lose her. At the same time she will never, ever, accept him even if we had kids (which apparently according to multiple drs is perfectly safe since im young, go figure). Thankfully everyone else supports us. Some were never bothered and some came around after a while. It took me getting engaged to get dad on board but now theyre chummy so hooray. So while it sounds easy to just tell my mom to take it or leave it, I always feel like I have to cut her slack. At the same time, this isn’t some “phase” and hes not some creep looking for young girls. Im married damnit, and yet that side of the family pretends that im not. My uncle actually told his kid that my husband was my “roommate”. Anyway, so thats my eternal dilema with my family. I guess I just cant have my cake and eat it too.
Thankfully my husband is very supportive. We know this isnt simple but were getting to the point now where i know where to draw the line. I offered to mail the gifts but she was having a fit. My husband and I agreed that since the shopping was all done and whatever that it was going to be more hassle to return everything than just give them to her, but this would be the last time. I went by, did the gift exchange, and was out. Even though I had my husbands support, it still felt really uncomfortable and wrong to me. Thankfully itll make the decision very easy next time. I didnt bother laying down the line then and there because it would just add fuel to the fire but next time i will give her plenty notice to not bother with the gifts if hubby cant come. That way she can choose to accept him or not waste her time and money. Thanks for the advice everyone, I wish I had read it beforehand because you guys were right, it wasnt worth it. At least I know that now.
Post # 39
db24: have you considered counselling with your mum? I’m sorry but I don’t think I could get over my daughter marrying a man 40 years her senior. It’s great that he makes you happy, but it’s a hard pill to swallow.
Post # 40
truthah: I honestly think that would be your best option. Show up with your husband, and if she turns him away, make it clear she’s turning you BOTH away!
Post # 41
garnobella: been there, done that. Accomplishes nothing.
Post # 42
thepurplegirl: it wouldnt be right to put my husband in that kind of situation. But ill just be declining the invites from now on.
Post # 43
db24: that’s a shame 😔 Her loss though, since everyone else has been able to accept him she will just miss out on family time. Stay strong 😊