(Closed) Mom Wants to Invite Her Boyfriend

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It seems like him being there would not just be hard for you, but also for your sister and family. I think that would weigh into my decision– as would be the fact that as your mother’s guest, you would see him all night (he wouldn’t be an aunt or uncle or family friend who might stay in the backgroun). That being said, it’s a decision only you can make.

Post # 4
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Whoa…I was totally going to say to suck it up and let your mom bring a date, but then I saw that he is still married. So, no, I don’t think you need to invite him. Since your mom already knows how you feel about this relationship, telling her the truth will probably lead to more conflict between you and her. If I were you, I’d just keep up the pretense of not having any extra space for the bf.

Post # 5
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@msfahrenheit:  I agree.  When I read the title of the thread, I thought, “Of course your mom should be able to being a date!”  But after reading the details, I totally understand where the OP is coming from.

I think your decision to not include your mom’s (MARRIED!) boyfriend in the guest list is totally justified.  If your mom presses the issue further, maybe you could explain that in addition to the day already being hard for you because your dad won’t be there to walk you down the aisle, you don’t think it’s appropriate for a man who is cheating on his wife to be your mom’s date…

(Sidenote: When you say this guy is still married, is he maybe still legally married, but separated from his wife?  Or full-on living-with-his-wife-and-cheating-with-your-mom married?  I don’t think it makes a difference in your decision, but I’m just curious because it seems crazy that he’s STILL married after 7 years of being with your mom.)

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

in this case, i would definitely not allow him to come. if that means lying to your mom about and rsvp, so be it. i think you are totally justified, and i would fell the same. im also sorry about losing your dad. ((hugs))

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

is he still with his wife or separated and not divorced? 

my first thought this isnt just your moms boyfriend but your sisters dad so there is a bond between them that goes from before your mom and dad were together.

yes hooking up with someone a month after your dad died sucks but i found the hardest part about being alone is the habit of being with someone and maybe your mom wasnt strong enough to be alone soon after your dad died

either way your sisters dad didnt cause any drama to your parents marriage while they were married so be glad your mum found someone to share her life with and hopefully she is happy – you are about to start your own family unit with your husband so be gracious enough to extend an extra seat to your mum

edit: oh, yes to extra seat is if he is separated from his wife – if still living with his wife then no – i would feel uncomfortable is my mum was the mistress in this situation

Post # 8
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am with you, I wouldn’t allow that creep near my wedding. If it was me, I would probably be honest and tell my mom I didn’t want him there, but if you need to tell a little white lie to spare your mom’s feelings I understand that as well. 

Post # 9
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with all the above posters. What a awkward and horrible situation to be in. Sorry for you loss.

Post # 11
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

0This really is suck a sucky situation. Besides the fact that he is still married and your Mom seems to be smitten with him so quickly, his presence would not only affect yourself (on your wedding day,) but also your sitter and her family. I feel like your comfort and your guest (sister) is more important than your mom wanting her Boyfriend or Best Friend to come. Besides I’m sure your granparents and aunts/uncles may have some ill feelings towards him as well.

Post # 12
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee

Yea given just the question, I would say of course let her bring someone. Knowing the in-depth version of the question, I would say if it makes you uncomfortable than NO WAY. It’s like we always forget that it’s our day. If there is someone you WANT to share this day with you, invite them. If you don’t have a relationship with someone or it may upset you in some way for them to share this day with you, the answer is simple. Don’t invite them. It’s your day, your mom will hopefully respect that.

Post # 13
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

No, don’t let her bring a date.  And if she asks about it again, I think you’re totally within your right to say no way in  hell do you want to see that douche bag on the day of your wedding.  

I don’t know if what I just wrote was good advice, but I bet it would be fun to say.  lol.

btw, I’m sorry about that sucky situation.  That’s really horrible.  🙁 

Post # 14
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Absolutely not. Your mother should know better than to ask if her still married boyfriend can come. It sucks when parents aren’t the adults they should be.

Post # 15
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, like many posters I was going to say that you need to allow her to bring her boyfriend – even if you don’t like him – because they are a social unit and it’s rude to break up social units.  However, since he is still married AND living with his wife (as opposed to being seperated) then I don’t think you are under any obligation to invite him as I’m pretty sure that he and your mother are cannot be considered a social unit.

With that said, it might be worth while to sit down with your mom and have a heart-to-heart talk about how you think she deserves way better.

Post # 16
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Wow.  No.  Just no.  I am glad that I don’t know your mom because I’m having a violent reaction to reading this and kind of want to smack her.  WTF.  I’m so sorry you and your sister are going through this awful situation.

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