Post # 1
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
Hi Bees!
So, I’m having a conflict here with my mom. We come from a (very LOOSELY) Jewish family and I believe it is custom to have the bride walk down the aisle with her mother and her father. My FH is not Jewish, nor did we really grow up with much religion, I did not have Bat miztfah and I really just wanted the walking down the aisle tradition to be a special moment with my Father. My mom is a typical controlling parent, my parents are not divorced, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Not sure how to handle this one, because it’s hard to use logic with her…
Thanks Bees! I need your help.
Post # 2
Member
47343 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Why not have both your parents escort you down the aisle? It doesn’t cost youi anything, no time, no money, and makes her happy.
Post # 3
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
Is it really such a big deal to share the moment with you mom too? It sounds like it’s something that’s really important to her and it won’t hurt you in any way. Are your parents divorced or something? I’m (non-practicing) Jewish and I’m having both my parents walk me down the aisle becaue I think it’s really sweet and not as antiquated as the father giving away the daughter.
Post # 4
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
irishbride2018 : Yeah I would just let my mom join the walk. Its not worth fighting about. If you want a special moment with your dad then what about the daddy/daughter dance?
Post # 5
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
Just tell her you prefer to have that moment with your father. Maybe find something else that’s special that she can do. I don’t know why you should just give in to what she wants when it’s your wedding and you want it to just be you and your dad. “I’ve always dreamed of having dad walk me down the aisle and I appreciate your understanding. How about you help me with xyz.”
Post # 6
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
Maybe your mother would like a special moment with you too? Both walking you down the aisle is a special memory both your mother and father can share together.
Post # 7
Member
4849 posts
Honey bee
Yeah my controlling nmom tried that. I told her no. Mothers and daughters get many special moments together. My dad and I got far less, so that one was for us.
Post # 8
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
I am not Jewish but had both of my parents walk me down the aisle. It was lovely!
Post # 9
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
Both of my parents walked me down the aisle, too. It was lovely and I know it meant a lot to my mom to be included. Are you having a father-daughter dance later? Could that be your special moment with just your dad?
Post # 10
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee
I walked down the aisle with my husband and both daughters, when they married. And guess what? It had nothing to do with religion or ethnicity.
I’ve always believed the origins of having a male relative escort the bride and “giving her away” is both archaic and sexist.
Having both parents walk with the bride, and sometimes parents walk with the groom has become the norm, in our family/social circle, and yep, nothing to do with religion/ethnicity.
Post # 11
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
irishbride2018 : I totally get this. I lost my Dad 2 months before my wedding. My mom was adamant about walking me down the aisle with my sister. But it just didn’t feel right. In my mind, that was supposed to be my Dads job. I went along with her request at first, but I stood up for myself a week before the wedding.
I told her that this was something that was important to me to do with Dad. And because he can’t, I want to walk alone as a nod to him. But I did ask her if she’d stand with me at the front to give me away.
I think your mom will understand if you’re honest and kind about it. Mine did. I was surprised that she was so understanding because of how emotional everything has been for her.
Good luck!
Post # 12
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
2XMOB : That’s fantastic for you, but the OP is asking for help on how to handle her mom, not what your family traditions are or your opinion on fathers walking daughters down the aisle. The OP states she wants her father only to walk her down the aisle, we don’t need to question why or to try to change her mind about it.
Post # 13
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
I want both of my (divorced) parents to walk me down the aisle because they both helped raise me (more so my mom). I’m not Jewish
Post # 14
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
Of course it’s your choice, but choices have consequences and you risk hurting your mother’s feelings and implying that she would ruin your special moment with your dad by also participating. Unless you have long-standing issues with your mom, I don’t think this is worth the hurt you might cause her.
Post # 15
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
Both my parents walked me down the aisle and it was lovely. I loved having them both there to support me. They are divorced, none of us are religious. I don’t feel like my parents’ property but if I belong to one of them, I belong to both of them equally. They both raised me and I love them both equally. It sounds like you’ll really hurt your mom’s feelings if you don’t let her do this, you just have to decide if it’s worth seriously hurting her feelings over.