Mom won't come to wedding if Dad is there.

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Both of your parents should be there if you want them there.  Unless you have a good reason to exclude your dad, your mom should just deal.  It’s not like they have to sit next to each other…you can put them in the front row on opposite sides, not even on the same side of the aisle if you want.  

Post # 3
46612 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would call her bluff. I am divorced.Children of divorced parents should not be placed in the position of having to choose between them.

Post # 4
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

Ms.Klaus:  I’m sorry, but I think your Mom is being unreasonable. I understand he hurt her, but your wedding is about you and not her. She should not be putting you in a position to have to choose. I say pay for the wedding yourself and invite Dad. If your Mom doesn’t go, that is on her and her loss, and NOT YOUR FAULT.

I do think you should tell your Dad he can’t bring the new girlfriend. I know that is a breach in etiquette, but these circumstances warrant it. Maybe if your Mom knows she won’t be thee, she’d be more likely to come?

Post # 6
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Ms.Klaus:  Repeat after me : We do not give in to emotional terrorists.

Here’s the thing, she is a gown ass lady. You are a grown ass lady.  YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MENTAL HEALTH OF ANOTHER.  That is too big of a burden to place on anyone.  If she has said that she will not come if he is there, THAT is emotional manipulation, and if you give into it then it sets a very bad precident.  What happens if you have children?  Will you have this battle over birthdays? 

My advice:  talk to her calmly and say something along the lines of ” Mom I really want you at my wedding, my day would not be complete with out you there. However, I love Dad too and want him there. I love you both equally and I cannot chose between you. Please do not put me in that posisiton. If you feel that you absoulutely cannot be in the same room as dad for an hour,  I understand,  however you need to understand that that will be YOUR decision and I will be very hurt and disapointed that you chose not to attend my wedding. “

Post # 8
8630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Totally agree with imalittlebirdie. I’m sorry, OP. If you end up not having one of them there for whatever reason, you can always plan a separate nice dinner or something with the people that didn’t go. I know it’s not the same, but at least it would give you a chance to celebrate with them.

Post # 9
65 posts
Worker bee

Wow, what a tough situation for you! I think you should sit your mother down and have an honest conversation where you explain that she is being unreasonable… The phrasing that imalittlebirdie just suggested would be perfect. Explain that no matter how hurt she is about what your dad did etc, it is not okay that she is hurting you by putting you in this position!

Post # 10
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I tell my daughters ages 5 & 6 that they are pulling a brat move when they issue an ultimatum or throw a fit to get what they want.  Sorry, but your mom doesn’t sound any different than my girls. I feel you should acknowledge her pain but this is YOUR WEDDING DAY!  It’s one day out of the rest of her life.  

Post # 11
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ms.Klaus:  Invite them both. Ask your mother to attend for your sake.

*Lots* of divorced parents manage to behave for a day for the sake of their child’s wedding. My mother did it (after my father left her after a long marriage, and remarried). Yours can too.

Post # 12
4932 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

its not fair for your mom to put you in that position and I think you should tell her that. Her feelings towards your dad are her problem frankly. Sorry to word it harshly but my parents tried that crap with me for years. You are not responsible for how they feel about each other. 

Post # 13
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Ms.Klaus:  Invite both. You will probably find that on the day, they would love to see you married more than they hate each other and will put it aside for the day.

Post # 14
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Invite both of them. If your mum is selfish enough not to go then that’s her problem. I sure as hell would not accommodate that disgusting behavior. My mum can’t stand my dad but there’s no way she’d do this. If she really doesn’t go than you probably are better off without her.

Post # 15
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Why would you even consider not inviting your dad? You are choosing your selfish mum over your dad. Do you realise how much that will hurt him? Your mum is doing this to herself, she needs to move on. Your dad does not deserve to be punished for this. 

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