(Closed) Mom won't leave me alone about weight :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You need to shut her down firmly and repeatedly in the moment as needed. How obnoxious.

 

 

Post # 3
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I agree with PP. Her behavior is appalling and not okay. Shut it down quickly and remove yourself from the situation so she realizes she does not have control. 

“Mom, I do not appreciate the way you attack my weight so often and especially in front of others. It hurts my feelings that you do it and even more that you ignore how it makes me feel. I love my body and I hope you can too one day. I hope you can change your ways the next time I see you but, for now, this is not a healthy situation for me to be in. Goodbye.”…

Then I would get up and leave. I would say it especially in front of all the others since she clearly won’t listen to you even in private.

Post # 4
Member
2464 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Agree with PPs – next time she starts, shut it down then leave the room.  Keep doing this until she gets the message.

Post # 5
Member
462 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
KiwiDerbyBride:  Agree, keep walking out of the room until she gets the clue. My mum doesn’t shut up even when you tell her to (and she gets even worst when my aunts are around!!), so best ignore your mum completely. 

 

Post # 6
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I’ve had a similar problem with my mother all my life. She commented about weight, acne, clothes, money, personal decisions… whatever. Always negative or falsely helpful. She’s in her 70s now. Mothers like that generally don’t change. I wouldn’t even bother trying to talk it out anymore.

Ignore her comments and be happy you’re getting married and starting your own family will probably give you the chance to put distance between you two. You’ll feel like a new person when you’re away from that influence.

Congrats on your wedding; you’ll be a gorgeous bride on your day and no comments or opinions will be able to change that!

Post # 7
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Agree with PPs. Also, if you need further confirmation that you are at a healthy weight, I am 5’3″, and 128 is my goal weight and the lightest I have ever been in my adult life. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding too!

Post # 8
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Does your mother typically obsess over her own weight or have body image issues of her own? She could be projecting her own insecurities onto you as a (very poor…) coping mechanism. You sound very secure in your own body – misery loves company, so somebody who isn’t happy about their own body might make disparaging comments towards someone who IS secure. It’s kind of a “if I’m not happy, nobody’s going to be happy” kind of mentality. 

If this sounds like it could be the case, maybe try building her up about her own appearance.. It might suck to have to compliment someone who is trashing you at the moment, but it might be the approach that helps. 

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Agree with PPs. Try to forget about her ignorant comments and enjoy being a bride.

Congratulations, I hope that your wedding day is everything you want it to be!

Post # 10
Member
39 posts
Newbee

View original reply
rosegoldcoloredglasses:  Same! I’m 5’3″ and working toward a goal weight of 130.

I think as long as you’re comfortable in your own skin and feel healthy/fit then that’s all that matters 🙂 OP you’re not overweight at all!

Post # 11
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn

i am going through the same issues with my mom as well.  I have been trying to just not talk to her at all about weight or food. I have even gone so far as to not eat in front of her if i can help it. 

I hope things get better and try not to let her beat you down. be comfortable in your own skin and to hell with everyone else.

Post # 12
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

OP you are not overweight by anyone’s imagination. Please try not to be self conscious!

I understand that you might not feel confident enough to do so, but if I was in your shoes and my mum was making comments about my weight in front of other people, I’d just address the other person with something like “what a strange thing to say to your daughter” and a bit of a bemused look. It isn’t confrontational but it makes your mum look like the daft one. Which she clearly is.

Post # 13
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
charlllpop:  this would be my approach as well, turn it back on her in front of others.

Post # 14
Member
9202 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
r06387:  when my mom has done that about certain topics I don’t want brought up I shut her down firmly (but respectfully) even if we’re in public. And if that doesn’t stop her I just kind of back away for awhile and she realizes “crap, my kid won’t be my friend because I’m acting like an asshole” and it gets better. She actually taught me that trick because she had to use it on her mother all the time! As much as we may resist we all turn into our mother eventually lol

Post # 15
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
herecomesthebride625:  

From my personal experience, this does not go far. My mother had a lot of insecurities regarding her weight. I went to great lengths to try to compliment her, get her to go in stores she felt scared to, and open her eyes that the whole world wasn’t against her. She reflected a lot of her insecurities on me not necessarily regarding weight but in other areas of appearance that she could comment to me on. No matter how much I built her up, she would only further be in a slump over it and, in turn, continue to make inappropriate comments to me.

So, I don’t think for OP that building her mom up and ignoring the comments will do anything. Making it clear that she won’t subject herself to the comments though will show her mom that she can’t get away with making them to her. I found comments my mother made to me were comments she would never dare to make to others. So, especially not refraining from speaking up in front of others may give her mom a wake up.

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