(Closed) Mom won't leave me alone about weight :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think the speech

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soymilk gave is great. Have you said something so strong to her before? If not I would definitely try it. Gather all your courage and give one clear, definite, shut-down. And tell her that you will not be showing her the dress again until the day you walk down the aisle as she is being horrible about it.

That’s really horrifying that she does it in front of other people. You are definitely not overweight (not that if would make it ok if you were!), pretty sure your bmi is spot-on! Please please try not to let her get to you! Weddings seem to bring out all kinds of crazy in the nicest of people! I agree with herecomesthebride625 that this sounds like a classic case of projecting her own insecurities. If you like you could post a dress picture here and come and read the supportive comments when you feel down 🙂

Post # 17
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee

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r06387:  

I’d laugh and reach for the chocolate. 

Post # 18
Member
851 posts
Busy bee

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r06387:  you have almost the same BMI as me and my mum has been the opposite – telling me to keep eating and not to lose weight! I would just try and take it with a pinch of salt – you know you’ll fit in the dress perfectly fine 🙂

Post # 19
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

Personally I’d tell her that I must get my weight from her, but that will only make things worse!

Do you have any pictures of you in the dress? I bet you look amazing and validation from strangers on the internet always makes everything better 🙂

xx

Post # 20
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

I know how you feel, Bee. I stopped by my mom’s house a few weeks ago and she literally made me go step on the scale in front of her. It was not fun! I have my first fitting this Saturday and I’m freaking out that the dress is going to need a lot of alterations…. but only time will tell.

But don’t worry too much — she’s gonna see you in the dress on your wedding day and cry like a baby over how beautiful you look. 

Post # 21
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I had to shut my mum down firmly in the run up to the wedding.  Between her and my grandmother, the pressure was too much.  It triggered an awful cycle of starving myself, over exercising, binge eating and bulimia.  I sat her down and told her calmly and firmly how her comments and expectations were affecting me.  I told her I made healthy changes but I wasn’t going to juice diet myself to death like they wanted.  She got the message.  I think you should address this and perhaps practice how you will do so beforehand.  I’m sorry it’s making you feel like crap.  I understand.  All of that worry, pressure and anxiousness melted away on the wedding day when we both saw how beautiful I looked.  It’s all forgotten.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by minji.
Post # 22
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Maybe your normal meter is off because you are so used to this, but this is outrageously inappropriate. 

It is not constructive. 

It is dangerous, esp given your weight but for anyone, women do not need anyone trolling them about their weight. They already get enough negative messages.

you should do as PP suggested, look at the other people and point out how helpful it is to be publicly shamed/told you’re overweight. What is the point, if not to make you feel bad? Shut this down. You do not need to send yourself the message (or your future kids should you choose to have them) that this is okay. It’s not. 

Public humiliation is a mean thing to do. The end. 

Post # 23
Member
3855 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Just wanted to comiserate. I’m 6 inches taller and 50 pounds heavier than my mom. I’m still fit, and a perfectly healthy weight. But in her mind, I’m HUGE. And she let’s me know it every time I see her. I’ve never stood up to her (ugh), but it freaking hurts every time she tries to give me “advice” about my weight. 

Post # 24
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Your mom reminds me of my grandma (maternal). She is a jerk like that too and had been that way all my mums life to her and her sisters and now to us, the granddaughters. She won’t change.

You have to stop her before she starts spewing her nastiness. Even before you put the dress on, tell her “don’t even start with your body bashing!! I’m not in the mood! ” and definitely shut her down before she even starts in front of people.  You have to be rude to rude people. Don’t take it personally. It’s definitely her.

Post # 25
Member
40 posts
Newbee

My mom got on to me for my weight, too, but I was overweight at 5″8 and 200 pounds. Not only was she concerned about me not fitting in my dress but about my health as well because diabetes runs in my family. You, on the other hand, are at a normal, healthy weight for your height so I don’t understand why your mom would be nagging you. My best guess is that maybe your mom is unhappy with her weight and is projecting her insecurities onto you. I would tell her, “Mom, I’m at a normal, healthy weight for my height and I fit in my dress so I don’t want to hear another thing about my weight. Understand?”

Post # 26
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think we have the same mother! Mine lacks a filter when it comes to criticizing appearance and weight. She wouldn’t shut up about how I lost most of my baby weight fast and how I better lose the rest soon or I’ll never slim down. I’ve tried ignoring her but honestly, I should have said something. At that point I was 120lb and 5″3 2 months after giving birth so I know I wasn’t large by any means. It still deeply bothers me. Don’t make the mistake I made and stay silent and let it affect you. Say something and make your feelinga heard!

Post # 27
Member
4066 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Agree, you need to shut this down.  Let her know your weight, your size, your body, your clothes, and what you eat are NOT up for discussion.  My mom has this type of personality as well, ans I dealt with it for years.  When I had kids I had to get really firm, really quick because I will not have my daughters growing up with that type of commentary.  Doing so for my kids was important, but then it made me realize how I wish I had just done it for myself, years before.  

Post # 28
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t even know why screwy women like this have kids. Is it just to belittle and shame them from birth? its simple. She doesn’t deserve your love or to be at the wedding. I’d cut that toxic woman out now. And if anyone asks, tell them why. I really doubt that anyone would talk to her after that. That’s freaking sick. What if she calls your future children fat? Could you imagine the impact from mean old grandma? 

Post # 29
Member
3951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My mother has done this for most of the my life – even though I was extraordinarily thin for much of my life. I am overweight now, but not drastically so. However, her comments got to the point where they were making me view myself very negatively and ruining our relationship at the same time.

So I gave her one warning to drop it – and then I started walking out of the room or hanging up the phone every single time she brought it up. Even when she saw me and asked me if I lost weight (to her, this is a compliment), I ignored the question. She eventually picked up that talking about my body or weight is off-limits – and if she wanted to see me/talk to me, she’d have to drop it.

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